


Deep Blue Funk

by gneebee



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Love, Mild Smut, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, True Love, Veterans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 60,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29454942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gneebee/pseuds/gneebee
Summary: He's a War Vet having a tough battle with PTSD, she's a girl struggling with her own depression. Can they help each other? This is a journey two people take out of the depths of depression, and back to having a reason to live, laugh and love. Daryl Dixon, Beth Greene Bethyl AU
Relationships: Bethyl - Relationship, Daryl Dixon/Beth Greene, Daryl and Beth
Comments: 40
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story originally published only on FF.Net. I wrote it back in 2015, and although it may not be my most well-written story, it continues to be the one I am most proud to have written.

**This fic has dark elements, but there will also be lots of light. In our story Daryl is about to turn 26, Beth about to turn 22.**

**Possible Triggers: Suicide, War, PTSD**

She put an ad in the local paper for the unit, and they also published the availability on the Internet. She swore the call came as soon as the ad broke. It was a man with a kind of rough sounding voice, not mean, but sort of like he'd just lost his best friend. He said his name was Daryl Dixon, he'd like to see the place, and she told him to come on over and gave him the address.

She sat on the front porch and waited. 15 minutes later a big motorcycle pulled up in front. The guy who got off it was quite handsome, in a kind of messy and rough looking way. His hair was shaggy, and he was muscles on muscles, he walked with almost a strut. He was dressed in Levis – torn at the knee but clean, a tight-fitting t-shirt with the sleeves missing, and worn brown work boots.

She stood from her chair and walked to him, "Are you Daryl Dixon?"

He was barely audible when he said, "Yeah, that's me."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Beth Greene. Shall we have a look at the unit?" He hadn't looked up, he just nodded a yes. She couldn't decide if he was super shy, or if he felt guilty about something. She showed him the unit, he never said a word, she showed him the yard, he still didn't make a comment.

When the quick tour was done he said, "How much?" and she told him, he just said, "K, I'll take it."

And she said, "Well I need to ask you some questions first."

He still didn't look at her, dang she was thinking, he must be crazy about those shoes he has because he can't take his eyes off of them. But she said, "Where is it you work Daryl?"

"I'm a mechanic at Hog Heaven Motorcycles."

Well that was a start. "How long have you been employed there?" She tried smiling, but he wasn't looking anyway, so what did it matter?

"Been two months." Still no eye contact.

Well geez, she didn't know how she felt about that, it wasn't much time on the job, so she asked, "I see, well what did you do before that?"

"Was in the VA Hospital over in Atlanta for a year, 'fore that I's in the Army six years."

And now she felt like a big jerk, even though she certainly had the right to ask.

But she softened her tone and her heart, "Thank you for serving our country Daryl, the unit is available anytime you'd like to move in."

"K, gonna move in now." And he reached in his pocket, handed her the money in cash and said, "He tol' me I should get a receipt."

"Oh certainly, no problem, so is this other person going to be living here too? I hadn't really counted on that."

"Nah, just my brother, he's lookin' out for me." He certainly looked capable of taking care of himself, but oh well.

They stepped out front and there was a pick-up parked behind his motorcycle. A man stood next to it. He was dressed in a similar style as Daryl, but he looked to be about 10 years older, and even a bit rougher, she assumed this was the brother. Daryl did look up when he looked to this man, he nodded slightly, and the man nodded back.

Beth decided they weren't a talkative bunch, so she just said, "I'll go get your set of keys and your receipt."

In the time it took her to do that, they'd unloaded everything he owned, which amounted to three cardboard boxes and a menacing looking crossbow. "Here are your keys Daryl, if you have any problems, let me know, and welcome to the neighborhood." She tried to sound cheery, and she smiled, but he still hadn't looked up.

The older man said under his breath, "Little brother, mind yer manners."

"Sorry, thank ya Miz Greene." And no one needed to tell her, she knew as well as she knew her own name, Daryl Dixon was in a Deep Blue Funk.

"You're very welcome Daryl, and please call me Beth." Now it was her turn to nod, and she turned and left the little house.

She went back over and sat on her front porch, book in hand. Daryl's front door was open and she heard the older man say, "I know yer scared boy, but ya gotta try. Ya gotta get back in the world a the livin'. Please Daryl, please just try. Give it six months, if it don't work out you can come back n live with me n Carol forever, K?" She felt so bad to have overheard, but worse for what she'd heard. What in the world could this man be scared of?

"K Merle." Was all he'd replied.

15 minutes later the older man came out, he walked over to where she sat on the porch, and he spoke in a low voice, "Name's Merle Dixon miss, I'm Daryl's brother. The boy's had some tough times but he's a real good guy, won't cause ya no trouble, ya got my word. Here's my card, I'd be much obliged if ya call me if sumthin' don't seem right, or if he don't come home, such as that."

"Certainly, I'll call if I notice anything."

He nodded, said "Thank ya kindly, much appreciated," turned, walked to the pick-up, got in and drove off.

And all Beth could think was she had no idea what the hell just happened. She should have done like Glenn said, hired a real estate agent to take care of renting the place out. Then she glanced down at the card, Hog Heaven Motorcycles, Merle Dixon Owner. And she thought, well at least the rent ought to get paid.

_**Beth, Before** _

She'd spent nearly two years in what she'd come to call her Deep Blue Funk. Well she supposed if she was giving herself a little credit, the past six months it had changed to more of a Powder Blue Funk.

It had begun one day at the farm, she and Maggie were doing chores, nothing particularly exciting, just the usual routine. They'd gone back inside the house, just about to have a little lunch when a knock came to the door. The news was nothing but horrifying, their parents and their brother had all been killed when the propane tank at Daddy's vet clinic had exploded.

Not only had they lost their family, but it was such an incredibly brutal way to go. They'd made it through the funeral, and they'd trudged through another couple of months, when Maggie announced she thought they should just sell the farm.

Neither one had the spirit anymore that it took to run the place, and Maggie thought they should both just start fresh.

They'd both come into a large sum of money. There was their parents' savings, life insurance, insurance on the business, and the propane company had offered them a huge cash settlement not to sue. It seems the tank was faulty. They were in such a state of shock, they hadn't even thought about suing, but of course the propane company didn't know that.

Now they were both well-to-do women.

They owned a massive amount of good farmland and it sold quickly to some corporate farming outfit. They felt bad selling to a corporation, but not bad enough not to follow through. They definitely needed a change.

And now, they were wealthy women.

But the wealthy women were also devastated women, and they weren't sure what to do next. Maggie's boyfriend Glenn was renting a small two bedroom house in Savannah while he was finishing college, and she and Maggie both moved in with him while Beth tried to decide what to do with her life. It was during this time her Deep Blue Funk got its darkest shade of blue.

The farm was gone, she had no work to occupy her time, and she felt like a third-wheel with Maggie and Glenn. Sure she had lots and lots of money, but so what? She'd lost so much of her family, her love and support system. She decided the best thing may be to just join that family on the other side. Maggie would be free to live her own life, instead of worrying about her, and Beth would be out of pain.

It sure seemed like a win/win to her.

So when Glenn left for classes, and Maggie left for the gym, Beth wrote a short note. Then she calmly went in the bathroom, filled the tub with nice warm water and lots of bubbles, slipped in with the straight razor in her hand, sighed at how good it felt, looked up to heaven, prayed for forgiveness, and made a deep slice in her left wrist. The last thing she remembered was hearing the front door slam and Maggie yelling, "Bethie?"

She woke up in the ER to Maggie crying next to her bed and Glenn trying to comfort Maggie.

Shoot, her plan hadn't worked. She had to stay a mandatory three days in the psychiatric unit, Maggie saw to that. And she was forced to attend counseling for six months. But in the end, she was glad it had happened that way, that her plan had been foiled, because although she was still deep into her Deep Blue Funk, she'd come to the realization she didn't want to die.

Her counselor told her she needed to take positive action, move forward with her life, and so she did. She bought a duplex in town. Nothing too fancy, she wasn't ready to have fancy in her life, she was looking for comfortable. But she knew it was time for her to strike out on her own, probably way past time. And she had to admit, she loved the old school charm of the place. It was one story, had a craftsman look to it, and Beth's favorite part, each of the side by side units had a pretty little front porch.

One unit was a two bedroom with an eat-in kitchen, and a nice size living room. That's the one she planned to live in. The other unit had only one bedroom, but it had a dining room area. She definitely preferred having two bedrooms.

She fell in love with the backyard. Each unit had its own covered back porch and a beautiful little yard with grass, flowers and shrubbery. There was a low vine covered wall between the two yards.

She purchased it on the spot.

She bought lots of cute antique furniture for her unit. She wanted the décor to have the same feel as the old house itself. She made the second bedroom into a music room. She bought a nice keyboard, and of course, she had her guitar. She had a small table and chair for writing her compositions down, and she had another chair that was comfortable for sitting in while playing her guitar.

She'd decided she would devote three hours a day to her music – she didn't really have a career goal, it was just something she wanted to do for herself. She planned to spend another two hours each day as a volunteer at the animal shelter. Mondays and Thursdays she had a standing lunch date with Maggie, and 10 am every Saturday, Glenn cooked Maggie and Beth pancakes at his and Maggie's house.

She figured she was making a lot of progress, and this was when she felt she moved from her Deep Blue Funk to more of a Powder Blue Funk.

For the rental unit, she went more utilitarian. The furnishings were functional, neutral and she supposed attractive, but it just didn't have much personality. Oh well, whoever moved it would bring their personality with them.

xxxx

He'd moved in a week ago. That's right, she couldn't seem to help herself, she did start keeping an eye on Daryl. She didn't want to be some kind of weirdo stalker, but she was curious, and he just seemed so damn sad and lost. And she hated to admit it, but there was something about him, she wasn't sure, but oh alright, she felt a little attraction.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday he didn't get home until 6:30, but Tuesday and Thursday he was home by 5:30. No matter what time he came home, he was always carrying a sack from some fast food joint, and a six pack of beer. Once he was home, he never left again until he went to work the next morning. She often heard music playing, he was definitely into classic country, Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, Waylon and Willie. He never sat out on the front porch, although he did sit out on the back porch, drank his six pack and smoked cigarettes.

Several times during the week his brother stopped by, just for a few minutes, sometimes in the morning, sometimes shortly after Daryl got home.

She was curious as to what the weekend meant, and she found out. For starters, it seemed to mean more beer. He left early Saturday morning and was home within 45 minutes. He had a case of beer bungeed on the back of the motorcycle, and he pulled a couple of bags of chips out of one of the saddlebags. He definitely had lousy eating habits.

After breakfast with Glenn and Maggie, doing her usual chores, laundry, grocery, housekeeping all the necessary stuff that was no fun at all, she went to the back porch thinking she'd read a bit. Standing there up high and all, she had a good view into his backyard, okay sure she felt guilty, but she couldn't help herself. He was lying on his back in the grass, one arm slung over his eyes. In the other hand he held a can of beer. He didn't move for long enough that she was starting to worry, finally he leaned up and took a drink of the beer, and she knew he'd noticed her, so she tried to act casual, she raised her hand to give him a small wave, he nodded that head ever so slightly, then immediately looked down. Shoot, now she'd definitely embarrassed herself, and she was pretty sure she'd embarrassed him.

That evening she hung out in her music room and worked a while on a song she was writing. When she lost her inspiration, she started playing some of those old classics she'd heard him listening to, dammit, he'd given her a couple of ear worms.

She finally called it a day about 11. She was sound asleep when she woke to a loud crashing noise, and she heard him screaming and yelling like he was being murdered.

She should have stopped to think, but she didn't. She grabbed the extra set of keys to his apartment and ran over there. She knocked first, yelling "Daryl, Daryl are you alright?" But when he didn't answer after several attempts, she unlocked his door and went in.

Later she would realize how stupid that was on so many levels. What was she going to do if he was being murdered, tell whoever it was to just stop it right now? And she'd totally disrespected his privacy. But she hadn't thought about any of that.

She ran toward the bedroom and flipped on the light. He was flailing around in the bed, screaming "No, this can't happen, y'all can't do that, ain't right," and then just a whole lot of unintelligible stuff. She wasn't thinking; she was acting on instinct. She went over to the bed and grabbed him, she held on to him tightly, "Daryl, wake up, Daryl, it's a nightmare."

When he finally did wake up, he looked at her, obviously confused, "The fuck is goin' on?"

She could feel her face turn bright red. "I'm sorry Daryl, I heard you screaming in here, I banged on the door and called your name, but you didn't answer, I was so worried. I apologize."

"Ain't I got no right ta privacy? I paid my money, thought it was my place," he was angry, no doubt about it, but more than that, she could tell he was mortified. And she'd noticed something else, his chest and his back were covered with scars, like he'd been whipped. He saw her look, grabbed the t-shirt that was lying on the floor by the bed, and quickly put it on.

"Better get on home n just leave me be. Go on," and he no longer seemed angry, just so despondent.

It was 2 a.m., she was in her nightgown in a man's apartment who she didn't even really know, and she was now as embarrassed as him, "Sorry Daryl, it won't happen again, I'll lock it on my way out."

And as she turned to leave she heard him mumble, "Thanks for givin' a fuck Greene." And she smiled.

She saw Merle come for him the next day about 11. He was in his truck and she noticed he had his arm around Daryl's shoulders as he walked him to the truck, then he put a hand on each of Daryl's shoulders and talked to him a few minutes, Daryl never said anything, but when Merle was done, he nodded in agreement to whatever it was, and they both got in the truck.

God, she felt like a total stalker now, she knew she had a strong case of of attraction and curiosity.

They didn't come back until nearly 4, Merle got out of the truck and walked him to the door, she thought that was odd, a man walking another man to the door, but the whole dang thing was odd.

xxxx

Three weeks later and there was nothing new, the routine never changed. But she'd gotten the urge to try a little something just to see if maybe it would draw him out a bit. She waited until she knew he was out on his back porch, the sound of the pop top and the smell of the cigarette were dead giveaways for that. She had her guitar in hand and she leaned over that low wall and said, "Hi Daryl, I've heard music coming from your apartment and I couldn't help but notice you listen to a lot of old school country. I was just wondering, would you mind listening to a song I wrote and giving me your honest opinion?"

She was pretty sure that, besides the night she woke him from a nightmare, it was the first time he'd ever looked at her, he shrugged one shoulder and answered, "K."

Well one thing for sure, he wasn't going to be talking her ear off. "Can I jump the fence and just come over there, or would you like to come out front and meet me on my porch? I have a brand new six pack of beer."

And again, the most talkative man in the world said, "K."

Well she wasn't sure which one he meant, but she was just going to take a chance, she took the guitar, the music sheet, and two cans of beer to the front porch. He was there, sitting on the top step, head down. "Here you go Daryl, nice and frosty." She handed him that beer and he popped that top and she swore he swallowed half the can his first drink.

She started the song and she noticed he closed his eyes, and now when he had his head down it seemed more like he was listening intently, rather than just avoiding eye contact, but maybe that was wishful thinking on her part.

She'd like to think the song had meaning, but she'd definitely decided she didn't want to make it too sad, his Deep Blue Funk was deep and dark enough.

She finished the song and asked most sincerely, "What do you think Daryl?"

"I don't think it probably matters much what I think, I'm nobody, nuthin', but I like it real good. Ya got a pleasing voice Miz Greene."

And she knew right then, there was nothing she wanted more than to see Daryl Dixon rise up out of his Deep Blue Funk.

"Thank you so much Daryl, and your opinion does matter to me, I know you like country music, and please, call me Beth. Now how about another beer and I'll give you the Beth Greene rendition of some of the old classics?"

"K." Well who needs to talk when there's beer and music?

For the next hour she played her songs and he listened quietly, and he drank his beers, and he seemed content with that. Then suddenly, he looked at his watch, he rose quickly and said, "I gotta get home Beth, thanks for the beers, oh, and the music. I liked it."

And just like that, he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

** Daryl **

I couldn't believe Merle was makin' me go out on my own, he knew I wasn't ready, but it was that VA doctor that pushed him to it. Doc's always wantin' me to do shit I don't wanna do. I ain't ready. I don't wanna live in a house by myself. Course I don't wanna live in a house with no one else either, just Merle and Carol and Sophia and James.

Merle promised me I just got to do this for six months then if I can't take it anymore, I get to move back home with him and Carol. That's what I'm lookin' forward to, goin' home to them. They're my family, I need 'em.

Merle has always looked out for me, yeah, he's messed with me plenty, teasin' at me and calling me girl names, dumb shit like that, but he never hurt me, and he damn sure never let anyone else bother me, he even tried hard to keep the old man away from me, but Merle couldn't be there all the time. He was off to the Army as soon as he hit 17. But when he got back, he got his business started up, and he kept me with him. I know he's scared for me, and it ain't like I don't wanna get my head back on, but damn. I can't seem to get there.

Beth, she seems real nice. Course I's embarrassed as all fuckin' get out when I woke up and she was in my room. I swore and got mad and all, and I shouldn't a done that, but fuck, I just woke up from a hard sleep, and another one a them fuckin' nightmares, and I sure didn't expect to see a pretty little blond there with me.

She is awful pretty, I like her hair a lot, and she's got those pretty blue eyes. She's way outta my league. No one like her would ever want anythin' to do with a totally fucked up piece a shit like me. Nah, she's the type a gal who should be with a doctor or a lawyer, not a loser who can't get it together. But before she finds that guy, and before I move back in with Merle, I sure am gonna enjoy listenin' to her sing. That, and just lookin' at her pretty self when she don't even know I'm lookin'. Course she's always lookin' at me too, I ain't sure why.

I still think I done the right thing when I joined the Army. What the hell else was I gonna do? Well, yeah, Merle wanted me to come to work for him full time, but I'd been working there every day after school and all summer ever since I's 14, seemed like I ought to try sumthin' different out. I's tryin' to be adventurous. It was something, but I wouldn't call it an adventure.

That wasn't the way it always was. Merle had been a sharpshooter when he went in the Army, and shit Merle knows how to do damn near everythin', but I'm still a better shot, with a pistol, a rifle, a shotgun or a bow, hell, even a damn throwin' knife. So I figured that's what I'd be good at in the Army. I had no idea what I's in for. They seen me shoot, and then they found out about my trackin' skills. That wasn't anythin' I'd ever actually studied at, but it was just sumthin' I's naturally good at. And they wanted me in Rangers, and I wanted it too. It was good, and I did real good. Shit, everythin' was just peachy, 'til that day with my best bud Tommy Wayne Johnson. That there? That was the worst fuckin' day a my life, worse even than when Mama sent herself up in flames, yeah, that's the day that changed me forever, that's the day everyone is always wantin' me to talk about, and that's the day I ain't ever gonna talk about, never.

** Merle **

Damn I felt so guilty, but the doc told me, if I kept takin' care of Daryl, Daryl was never gonna take care of himself again. And I went along, mostly. I seen the apartment come up for rent, but I made Daryl make the call, talk ta the landlord, reminded him he was a man and I couldn't keep doin' everythin' for him. But there's no way I'm just gonna leave him there, not check on him n make sure he's okay. Daryl's my baby brother, I'm responsible for him. There's just no fuckin' way I'ma walk away from the boy, not now, not ever. And Carol, she agrees, Daryl needs someone lookin' out for him.

I picked him up that first Sunday mornin' after he moved in, ta take him back to our place to eat and visit. I wasn't gonna risk just tellin' him ta come over, there's too many possible pitfalls. Daryl drinks too much when he ain't workin', Doc says it's just another one a them PTSD things. It ain't outta the question he'd be a few beers in by 11 on a Sunday mornin'. Better'n drugs I s'pose.

Little Brother, he does just fine when it comes ta work, it's about the only thing he likes anymore. The boy always has loved motorcycles, and it's like he finds some kinda peace workin' on 'em. But anythin' else, sometimes Daryl just gets kinda overwhelmed.

But I gotta focus on the positive, Daryl ain't in the hospital anymore, he's made it this far. I'd been thinkin' it might never happen, he was practically catatonic when he first come back from that war, I don't know what the boy seen or done, but it's gone right ta the core of him, it has a grip on him n the boy can't shake it.

He was always kinda shy n awkward, not a big loudmouth like me. Daryl never much cared for folks talkin' ta him, n there's even fewer he'd say a word to. I swear, half the time Little Brother seems ta communicate in nuthin' more than a series of shrugs, grunts, and one word responses, "uhhuh" or "nah."

The little blond who rented him the place seemed real nice, I'm hopin' if Daryl starts his screamin' in the middle a the night she won't decide she can't live with that, n he'll have ta go. It's just more a that PTSD stuff, we understand that better now, me, Carol and the kids, we got used to it. I'd just sit there by his bed n try talkin' him awake. But it's different, we know him, love him. This little gal don't know Daryl from Adam.

xxxx

When Merle picked Daryl up on that first Sunday, it put his mind at ease a little about that. He told Merle he'd been awakened by the woman, she was in her nightgown telling him to wake up, it was only a dream. It seems she'd just gotten the extra key and gone right on in, scared for him, and she'd apologized for that. The boy was beside himself embarrassed, but Merle just felt relieved. Obviously she was a good person. That brought some comfort to Merle. He told little brother, "Nuthin' ta be embarrassed about son, lotsa folks get bad nightmares, sounds like she was just concerned for ya, that was real nice."

And now, three weeks later, Daryl told him that Friday night she asked him to come on over and listen to a song she wrote, and then she played him some other songs too, and they had a couple a beers. And he told Merle she sang real nice, and she knew good songs, but he'd started to feel like he couldn't breathe, he was scared he was gonna have a full on anxiety attack, and he told her he had to go. "Well that was real good though son, ya got out, ya done sumthin', even if it was just for a little while. And Beth, she sounds like good people."

"Yeah, Merle, she's real nice." And then he was chewing on the side a that thumb like he might chew the damn thing right off.

But Merle had a little glimmer of hope, maybe this woman could draw the boy out, she'd gotten him to do something, and that was a start.

** One week later **

Monday night he got home at 6:30, just like he always did. But unlike any other Monday, this Monday there was a lidded pot in front of his door. A note scotch taped to the top read, "Hi Daryl, I was craving chicken and dumplings, and dang, I only know how to make the family size portion, so I hope you'll share. L, Beth."

What the hell did the 'L" mean? He had no fuckin' idea, but damn, that smelled good. A lot better than that fast food cheeseburger he'd brought home. He went in, washed up, and he ate right from the pot, and it was the best fuckin' meal he'd ever had in his life. Course he wouldn't tell Carol that part, cuz Carol had been so good to him, she'd cooked him a million real nice meals, but this here? This was his idea of heaven. Hell, he hadn't even cracked a beer yet and it was nearly seven.

Beth was nervous about trying it, but Mama and Grandma had always told her, the surest way to a man's heart was through his stomach. She figured it was worth a shot, and besides, she could go for a little plate of chicken and dumplings herself. She was peeking out the window when he got home, and sure enough, he took the pot in. She hoped he liked it, it had to be better for him than that fast food stuff he always brought home.

She wasn't sure she wanted him in a romantic kind of way, but there was definitely something about him she wanted, he intrigued her, and he was so handsome, and so shy. Oh sure, she knew he was damaged, but how could she fault him for that? She knew how deep pain could run, after all, she was just barely climbing up out of her own Deep Blue Funk. And there was something, something pulling her toward him, like a little tugging at her heart. Yeah, she said to herself, I have no idea what I'm doing here, but my whole life I've just sat back and let life happen, well now I'm going to make things happen in my life.

The next morning when she opened the door the pot was sitting there freshly washed, the note was taped back on top and he'd written his own message on it, "Thanks, it was real good. Daryl." And the way her heart just did a back flip you would have thought it said, "I worship you, please marry me and let's run off to Fiji."

She made her mind up about something right then, she was going all out, but she didn't want to put pressure on him. It was obvious being social didn't come easy to Daryl Dixon, and she had no intention of scaring him off.

Wednesday night there was another pot in front of his door, again there was a note taped to it, this one said, "I really hope you like stew Daryl because I don't know what I was thinking, but dang, I made a ton. Please help me get rid of it! L, Beth."

And this time he shook his head a little, picked it up and again, washed up fast, took a big spoon and started eating right from the pot. But he was wondering, "What's she after?" Cuz Daryl couldn't believe someone would be nice just to be nice, or neighborly, or whatever. People only did something nice for you cuz they wanted something out of you, but what could she want outta him? Someone to work on her car? Do her yard work? Beat up her ex-boyfriend? He didn't know but he wasn't gonna do it, and he wasn't takin' no hand-outs either.

The next morning the clean pot was in front of her door with the note taped to it, and a $20 bill. The message said, "It was real good, but I can't give you anything, and I don't accept charity, I pay my own way. Thanks, Daryl."

That threw her for a loop. Was he offended because she'd shared with him? What could he possibly think she wanted in return? Was he really so jaded that he couldn't accept an act of kindness? She wasn't sure, but she was going to find out.

That night she waited until he got home, she waited exactly five minutes after he walked in. Then she went over there and she had something she was pretty dang sure he'd like, and she knocked loudly on the door.

He opened it a moment later and said, "Yeah?"

"Well hello to you too Daryl. I felt the need to come over and get something cleared up with you. I've made some homemade salsa and I have some chips, also a nice bottle of wine, for me, I know you like beer, I prefer wine. I think you should invite me in, and we should get a couple of things worked out."

Daryl didn't know what to say or do, he didn't interact well with females even before he got broken. So he just shrugged and answered, "K."

"Thank you, where would you like me to set the chips and stuff?" She looked at him and again he just shrugged. So she opened her bag, pulled them out, and set them on the coffee table. "I opened the wine at my place, I don't think you're a wine drinker and I didn't know if you'd have a corkscrew." And she gave him a broad smile, "But I could sure use a glass."

He looked at her, hard, "Whaddya want from me girl? I got nuthin' to give you. I'm a fuckin' mess. I can't even take care a myself, what the hell do you think I'ma do for you?" He stormed to the kitchen and a minute later he was shoving a glass in her hand.

She was proud of how she was able to keep her cool, act like he hadn't just really stunned her, she didn't think he was trying to upset her, she thought he was just under some kind of self-imposed pressure. "Well Daryl, as boring as this might sound I'm trying to be neighborly with you, friendly. We live next door to each other, I thought it would be nice if we could have a friendly relationship. I haven't been in Savannah long and I haven't made any friends yet, but maybe you have all the friends you need." And she shrugged and poured herself a glass of wine.

He didn't say anything, he just went in the kitchen and got himself a beer. She'd opened the chips and the container with the salsa. "I got a cheeseburger on the way home, but I just got the one, didn't know you was comin' over." Now that was impressive, he may be having some kind of breakdown but he still had manners.

"Daryl, please eat your burger, that won't bother me at all. I just had a tuna sandwich." That wasn't exactly true, it was more like noon, but she didn't want to keep him from eating his dinner.

"You don't wanna be my friend Beth, I ain't a good friend. My friends? They die."

She was a little shocked, well no, she was quite shocked, but she tried hard to maintain a poker face, although that didn't matter either, because he wasn't even looking at her. He was just checking out those darn shoes.

She felt heaviness deep in her heart for him. She could tell he was hurting so badly, and that whatever it was that was hurting him, he wasn't ready to share that yet, heck, maybe he never would be. She wasn't going to press him. She'd been through her own trauma, the last thing a person wanted was more pressure.

She thought the best thing to do was change the subject, then get the heck out and let him get drunk or whatever he needed to do. "I've been on a real songwriting binge lately, I have so many new ones it's kind of exciting. You got me so interested in old school country again, I guess I'd just kind of forgotten how great the older songs were. So anyway, I've really started to write a lot of stuff in the genre."

And now she felt a little embarrassed because, well let's face it, she'd been babbling. But he really surprised her when he said, you know, to his shoes, "I'd really like to hear yer songs. You write good ones and you got a real soothin' kinda voice. I like it."

"Really, well you let me know when you'd like to hear them, because I'd love to play them for you." She was all smiles now. Relieved the tension seemed to be broken.

"Uh, don't know, maybe tomorrow? It's Friday and all. I mean, if you ain't busy or anythin'. I could come to yer place, you know, case I need to leave or sumthin'." And she didn't ask what that meant because she was pretty sure she knew. Life on life's terms could be just a little too much for Daryl Dixon and his Deep Blue Funk.

"That would be perfect Daryl, we'll have some dinner, and it won't be anything fancy, and you don't owe me anything, but if you wanted to bring wine, well, I'd probably drink it. How's that?" She smiled at him, and he even looked at her, only for a second, but it was something.

"K, sounds fair, oh, and nice. Sorry, I forget my manners a lot."

Oh my gawd, this man. What was she doing? She didn't know but she wasn't going to stop, because although Daryl Dixon had the worst case of Deep Blue Funk she'd ever seen, and he seemed screwed up almost beyond hope, there was something about the man. She just felt it, if he ever could breakaway from whatever had a grip on him she knew, deep in her own wounded heart, he was an incredibly good soul with an equally incredible heart. She wanted so badly to get there with him.

He couldn't believe he'd agreed to dinner and listening to music. He had no fucking business hanging out with this woman. But dammit, she was like that old song said, she was sunshine on a cloudy day. And if there was one thing he needed, it was some sunshine in his life. She didn't pressure him, or ask him a lot of questions. She let him just be. He liked that about her. Well, and she was awful damn pretty, no denying that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not an expert in PTSD. I do know there are many different symptoms, and no two people are the same. It's my intent to respect those who suffer, but please keep in mind, this is a work of fiction.


	3. Chapter 3

It was Friday after work and he was surprised, he was kind of looking forward to going to her place. He never cared much for going anywhere anymore. Just work. He hadn't even been in the woods in months, and that used to be his favorite place, the perfect place. Doc had told him it was common with PTSD, yep, just another symptom: Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed. Swell.

He'd been real nervous but Merle told him that mornin' at work, "Daryl she wouldn't a ask ya if she didn't want ya there. Ya said she don't put no pressure on ya, so don't put it on yerself. Just go, try ta relax n enjoy, and just be you little brother cuz maybe ya forgot, but yer a pretty great guy. Shit, maybe she sees what ya don't kid." And Merle had clapped him on the back and he felt a little better.

He'd paid attention to that wine she brought, so when he stopped at the store after work he just played it safe and got the same kind, and a sixer for himself.

He got to his place, washed his face and hands and put on a clean shirt. Now he was feeling a little nervous again, but he took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself, then he hurried over there before he chickened out.

She looked so pretty. She had on some tight blue jeans and some kind of tank top thing. Her hair was in a funny looking ponytail, kind of like it was going sideways but he liked it, it looked real cute. She smiled that big smile at him, and he liked that too. It was a genuine one. Genuine meant a lot to Daryl Dixon.

He gave her the bottle of wine and he shrugged, "Just got you what you were drinkin' last night, cuz yer right, I don't know anythin' about wine. But I do know how to open it, and I'd open that for you."

She smiled and said, "This is perfect Daryl, thank you, and thanks for noticing." And she handed him the corkscrew.

She'd kept the dinner low key, she wasn't about to overwhelm him with some fancy meal. She'd fried a chicken, made some mashed potatoes and gravy, and corn. She had a feeling Daryl Dixon liked his food like he liked his music, old school. And she was right, he dug right in.

"This is real good Beth best fried chicken I ever ate, better even than Carol's, but don't tell her I said that, I wouldn't hurt her feelin's for nuthin'." And he shoveled in a big bite of potatoes and gravy.

No. He couldn't have a girlfriend could he? He always seemed to be home or at work. "Well I would never tell, but who's Carol?" She smiled.

"Merle's wife, ya know, my brother. She's a real nice lady, she's real special." And he nodded his head as if confirming that.

After dinner he suggested, "I could wash the dishes and you could dry 'em, it goes faster that way." She was impressed.

She smiled at him, "Thank you Daryl." He shrugged and she swore he blushed a little.

He didn't seem too uncomfortable, and she was thinking so far so good. It was probably the most she'd ever heard him talk. Although he didn't seem exactly relaxed, he did seem a little more at ease than usual.

She kept the conversation going while they did the clean-up. "I'm excited to play you my new songs Daryl, but I have to confess, I'm never sure if they're good, or if I just think they're good because they came from my heart, from my own feelings. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah I get that. You got a real nice voice, makes me feel kinda peaceful-like and I don't ever feel that way, and that one song you wrote, I liked it a lot. I wouldn't mind hearin' that one again."

"Oh my gosh Daryl thank you so much, you have no idea how nice it is to hear that. If it turns out you like these songs, I could make you a CD, I mean, you know, if you wanted it." She was beaming now, and she was pink in the cheeks and he was trying not to look at her too much because he didn't want to get too anxious, then he'd have to go home.

They made quick work of the kitchen and she asked him, "Would you rather sit on the front porch, the back porch, or in the living room? I'm happy with any of them, but I know you smoke, so you might prefer outside."

She was so nice, thoughtful, were people really that nice? "Um yeah, can we go out back maybe, if that's alright?"

And so they did, and she played him her three new songs. He didn't sit in the chair, he sat on the porch, knees up and leaning his head against the post. His eyes were closed like he was listening intently. In that moment he did look almost peaceful, and she thought he was feeling the music. But as much as she was attracted to this man she also knew it probably wasn't ever going to work. She couldn't see how he'd ever climb up out of whatever it was that had pushed him down so far. But she didn't have anything else she wanted to do more than hang out with Daryl Dixon, so she was going to just ride along and see how it all played out.

He was sitting there with his eyes closed enjoying the soothing quality of her voice, but also paying close attention to the lyrics of her songs. Although they didn't seem really sad on the surface of them, there was something there for sure, a kind of deep sorrow behind those lyrics and he wondered how that could be legit. Suddenly he felt angry. Just look at her, she was young, pretty, had her own place, she didn't even have a real job. And she seemed happy. What did she know about sadness, about pain? How could she know about gut-wrenching sorrow, about loss? Maybe she wasn't genuine like he'd thought. Maybe he'd been taken in by her just because she was a pretty girl that had paid attention to him.

Quickly the whole thing just got to be too much, he had to get out of here. He jumped up so fast he startled her, "Gotta go girl, thanks for dinner, it was real good. Yer songs were real good too, just not too believable comin' from a chick like you, what the hell could you know about sadness and pain? Yer words just ain't ringin' true, I ain't sure what yer up to, but don't play me." And just like that he hopped over that backyard wall and he was gone.

She was stunned. She had no idea what had brought that on. How could he say those things to her? He had no idea about her life. How could he just assume she didn't know anything about pain and sadness, or imply that she had some sort of motive?

And the more thought she gave it, the angrier she became with him, and in her anger she acted. Maybe not like she should have, but you know, sometimes when you're angry you don't really think about what you're doing.

And just like that, she hopped over that little wall too, and she went right up to that back porch door, and she banged on it like she was trying to beat it down.

He opened the door and the look on his face was as angry as the look on her face. "The fuck ya want Miss Sunshine?"

"You're being a jackass Daryl. Do you want to tell me what the hell that was all about?!"

"Yeah sure, I'll tell you what it's about. Yer writin' and singin' them songs like you know sumthin' about pain, sumthin' about how life can just jump up outta nowhere and stab you right in the fuckin' heart, break yer spirit and then break yer mind. You can't even begin to know about that shit Sunshine. So quit bein' a goddamn phony tryin' to get to me!" She swore he might start breathing fire next, but she was every bit as angry as him.

"How dare you Daryl Dixon, you have no idea the things I've been through in my life. How can you just assume I've been living on easy street and you're the only one who knows anything about pain? You're the pain, a big pain in the ass. Sitting around crying in your beer every night because you're afraid of life."

And damn if he didn't get right up in her face and point a finger right at her in anger and he yelled, "I ain't afraid a nuthin'!"

She stood her ground, "That's bullshit Daryl. You're full of shit. And just for the record, you really hurt my feelings, and you made me dredge up a lot of pain I thought I'd worked through, now I realize I'm not quite there yet."

And he just kept pushing the knife in deeper, "What? Some college boy break yer heart n you just can't get over gettin' yer ass dumped?"

For the first time in her life she wanted to punch someone. Those feelings she thought she'd mastered were all fresh again, and he was being so mean, and he'd just discounted her completely, tears were running from her eyes, but she didn't let that stop her, she let him have it with both barrels, "You're such an ass Dixon. You don't know anything. In one day I lost my Daddy, Mama and Brother. I was in a big emotional pit, just like you're in yours. The difference between you and me Daryl Dixon is, I didn't take mine out on everyone else, I took it out on myself. Quit thinking you're the only one who knows about pain. You're not." She was crying harder.

Daryl knew he was a jerk, he didn't know what to say to her and his own emotions were raw, he turned around and he had his head down, and damn if he wasn't crying too, and as mad as she was at him, and as much as she wanted to hate him, hit him, and tell him to go screw himself, she went up behind him and tried to hug him, at first he pushed her hand aside, but she didn't give up, she hugged him hard, laid her head on his back, and they both cried. And she heard him say, real softly, but she heard it, "Shoulda been able to do sumthin', I shoulda been able to save them. To save Tommy Wayne. I never wanted to be the last man standin'."

xxxx

They'd both calmed down now and seemed to be a little more at peace. They were back on her porch. Daryl was drinking beers and she was having her wine.

"'M sorry I said them things, there's no excuse for that. I'm a dick." He actually looked at her now, and gave her a small half smile.

"Okay, well it happened and we both said things we shouldn't have, mean things, I'm very sorry too. I'm just going to try and get passed it." She shrugged. She did want to move passed this, but she didn't know how they could. Maybe they'd been too mean to one another. Still, she believed Daryl Dixon was a good person with a badly wounded heart, she wasn't ready to give up on him quite yet.

And then he surprised her again, "I shouldn't have assumed I knew about yer life, I's wrong. Maybe me more than anyone else, I shoulda understood better. What happened Beth, to you, to yer family? I mean if you wanna tell."

And she told him her story. He never interrupted, never said anything, he just listened.

He looked right in her eyes then, more intently than he ever had, "What happened, that'd be real hard to go through Beth. I feel bad for all of it, for you n your family. You done a good job a gettin' right. I ain't that strong."

"Oh I think you are Daryl, maybe you're just not ready yet. Maybe you've got to trust someone enough to tell them your story, I don't think you can work it out in your own head until you can say it out loud to at least one other person, you're just going to have to find that one person you trust enough to tell."

"What if I can't?"

"You have to, you have to get yourself back. So you can live. You have to try." And they just looked at each other.

"Yeah, maybe you gotta keep remindin' me a that." And he smiled that shy little half smile at her. And she thought, this is the most relaxed I've ever seen the man, maybe he just needed to yell, and scream, and cry to feel better. And she wondered who Tommy Wayne was. In fact she had a lot of questions, but she wasn't going to ask them all, not yet. So she kept it simple.

"What was your job in the Army Daryl?" That seemed harmless, so his answer surprised her a little.

"I don't think I wanna talk about that, k?"

"Okay, so how old are you?"

"I'll soon be 26, how old are you?"

"I'm going to be 22." Then she added softly, "Sometimes I feel 122, but I'm getting better, my life is getting better."

"What did you call it, blue sumthin'?"

She smiled at him then, "My Deep Blue Funk. Now I feel that I've shifted to just a Powder Blue Funk, so, you know it's better. It gets better."

"Sounds nice, but I don't think it's gonna happen for me that way." That sounded so incredibly sad to her, and yet he looked oddly at peace with it, like he'd just given up, accepted that his life would always be sad. How terrible would that be?

xxxx

She'd been so proud of herself because ever since that first time, when she'd heard him screaming and thrashing about in his room, she'd stayed out of it. As hard as it was she'd stayed in her own place and just said a prayer for him. Sometimes it would last for what seemed like an extraordinarily long time, other bouts were a bit shorter. All of them sounded frightening and frankly, it was heartbreaking.

But after the crazy up and down night they'd had, and all of the emotions that had played out, when she heard the screaming and the thrashing start she knew she had to go to him. Maybe he'd be angry but she was taking her chances.

She got the key and went into his apartment. If anything the nightmare seemed to be escalating. She went to his room and stood there beside his bed, "Daryl, Daryl please wake up, please, Daryl wake up, it's a nightmare, please." And she just kept talking to him, repeating those words over and over.

Finally he woke, he was startled to see her there, "The fuck Beth? What're you doin' girl? You know you ain't s'posed to do this, it's my fuckin' place Beth." But the truth was he seemed more sad than angry.

"I know Daryl, I know and I'm sorry, but I just couldn't let you go through that alone again it sounds so scary, and my heart breaks for you when I hear it. Please don't be angry with me, please. I'm just trying to be your friend Daryl."

"Told you Beth, you don't wanna be my friend, I ain't a good friend. Only friends I ever had, they're all dead. I can't be anyone's friend."

"I'm willing to take a chance Daryl," by now she was lying next to him. Oddly, it didn't seem sexy, or romantic, it just seemed like they were drawing a little comfort from one another.

Then he rolled over on his side, back to her. In the light filtering in from outside, she could see the terrible lash marks, and the demons that were tattooed there. She knew that as horrifying as those scars on his back were, the ones on his heart and his soul were worse. He spoke, "I ain't gonna talk mean to you like that ever again Beth. 'M sorry I did, it was every kind of wrong, you ain't been nuthin' but real nice to me. Sometimes I just go off, lose my temper, start overreactin' and yellin'. I done that to you, and you didn't deserve anythin' like that. I don't think I can be a friend, don't know how anymore. If I hurt you, ya know yer feelings n all, then kick me outta here. I don't wanna be mean to you, ever."

She really had no idea what to say to that, she just knew she couldn't recall anyone ever sounding so sad, so much like they were completely drowning in some deep sorrow. It made tears come to her eyes, she fought to keep them from falling, and she didn't say anything, she just put an arm around his waist and lay her head on his back.

He usually didn't like anyone touching him, but he liked the feel of her arm around him. And he was surprised she hadn't said anything about the scars, nothing. Usually when someone got a look they'd gasp at least, even if they caught themselves after. Some expressed pity, or they'd seem repulsed by the look of him. But she had put her arm around him, and she laid that pretty blond head right against the mess that was him. Could she really be as special as she seemed?

They woke about 6:00am. It was awkward but she smiled at him, "See you later Daryl."

He just glanced up quickly, "Yeah, k, see you later, thanks Beth."

And she got herself out of there, and back in her own house and her own bed. She lay there thinking about all the events of the evening and the night before. This man, he was like the most complicated puzzle in the world. There was just so much about him she didn't understand, but she did know he was badly damaged, and if she had the sense God gave a goose she'd walk away. But she knew she couldn't, no matter what happened she knew she couldn't just walk away from Daryl Dixon.

He lay there in his bed for a while after she left. He was thinking about all the things that had happened between them in the past several hours. He'd been a fuckin' asshole and she'd been real sweet. 'Course she was a little ball a fire when she got pissed at him, but he had it comin', she was right, he was a jackass. And it kind of made him smile, and feel oddly proud of her because she'd stood right up to him, hadn't backed down, she totally pulled his cover. But he knew he wasn't good for her. Didn't deserve her as a friend, hell, didn't deserve her being in his life. He knew he was broken, he knew he'd probably never be fixed, and he knew he should stay away from her. But there was just something about her, the way she spoke, the way she smiled, the comfort he felt when she wrapped her arm around him. Damn, he didn't deserve to have her around, but he wanted her to be around.

xxxx

She finally gave up trying to get any more sleep, maybe a nap later, and she got up, got dressed, and thought she'd tidy up the house and do a couple of things before she went to Maggie and Glenn's for pancakes.

She heard his motorcycle start up and drive off. About 40 minutes later she heard the bike again. She peeked out the window and she saw the case of beer bungeed on the back, and he pulled a couple of bags of chips out of the saddlebag, but then she saw, he also had a bottle of wine. She just smiled. It wasn't much, but it was something, they were moving forward.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Many of you have contacted me and shared your stories of dealing with PTSD, and that means so much to me. Thank you. Please keep in mind, this is a fictional piece. Big Hugs to you all.** _

Beth hung out with Glenn and Maggie for a while after they'd had their pancakes, just having a lazy Saturday.

On her way home she decided to stop at the library and do a little research on PTSD. She'd been diagnosed herself, she'd done countless hours of "talk therapy," but she hadn't had all the same symptoms Daryl seemed to suffer.

She also had to admit to herself that like a lot of people, she hadn't really given what was happening in the Middle East her full attention. It just seemed so far removed from her everyday life. She felt a little ashamed of that now, and she wanted to check a few news magazines and do some online research.

She had internet at home, and a laptop she loved, but there was something so peaceful and comforting about being in a library.

By the time she got back to her place it was 2:00. She noticed a sedan parked out front and as she got out of her car she could hear the voices and the laughter of children. Very unusual sounds for Daryl's house.

She had planned to do some writing in her journal, she'd fallen behind with that and it really helped her stay in focus. She grabbed the spiral notebook and went out to her back porch. That's when she saw them in the backyard, Daryl, a woman, and two young children, a boy about five and a girl about eight or nine.

The children were obviously in control of Daryl, they had him running around playing what looked like a game of tag and he was losing miserably. She even noticed that he smiled at the little people and spoke to them without seeming nervous and guarded, "James, don't be takin' advantage of me now, you know l ain't as fast as you, you gotta give me a break sometimes boy."

And then the little girl yelling, "Quit lettin' him win, you never let me win!"

"That ain't true Sophia, you get me every time and you know it!"

She wondered if maybe he'd been married before, one of those teenage things, and these were his ex-wife and children. It was weird because she was kind of jealous, but at the same time she felt so happy to see him having a little fun, she wished he had more moments like this.

She turned her attention to her journal and she wrote about Daryl, her feelings for him, her sadness about his sadness, all the questions she had about him that she wished she had answers to, before she knew it she'd filled four pages of that spiral notebook with nothing but Daryl. Hmmmm

A woman's voice inquired, "Beth?"

She looked up and saw the woman from his yard standing at the low wall, Beth got up from her chair, smiled warmly and walked toward her, "Yes, hello, I'm Beth."

"Hi Beth, I'm Carol Dixon, Merle's wife," she felt instant relief, it wasn't a teenage thing. She glanced over and she could see Daryl watching them from the corner of his eye, but still paying plenty of attention to the children. "I hope you don't mind having the kids being here making all this noise. Merle's painting the kitchen and the kids kept running in and out, I knew that was just making his job tougher so I wanted to get them out of his way, and they were dying to have some fun with Uncle Daryl. They usually don't get to torture him until Sundays."

"Oh they're not bothering me in the least Carol, it's nice to hear all the happy noise, I'd say they all seem to be having a good time including Uncle Daryl," she smiled at the older woman.

Carol lowered her voice to barely a whisper, "Daryl has nice things to say about you, he says you're a great singer and songwriter and that you've been very nice to him. I want you to know Merle and I appreciate your kindness to him."

Beth was thrilled to know Daryl had spoken about her to his family, spoken highly of her in fact, but she didn't know what to say, or if she was expected to say something in particular, so she just said, "I'm nice to Daryl because we're friends, he's nice to me too."

"Well thank you again Beth, maybe you could join us all for Sunday dinner, not tomorrow of course, I won't be able to cook in that kitchen yet, but how about the following Sunday, would that work with your schedule?" The woman had such a sweet and sincere smile.

"It's so thoughtful of you to invite me Carol, and I'm sure I'd enjoy it, but I know Daryl is, well sensitive, I wouldn't want him to feel uncomfortable, or feel like I was intruding. Why don't you let him know I'm welcome if he'd like to invite me and if he does that will be great, and if not well I get that some things are difficult for him." She smiled at Carol.

She wasn't going to jeopardize the little bit of progress they were making. She knew if anything was ever really going to move forward with her and Daryl some of it was going to have to be his decision, his doing.

Carol had a small smile on her lips, and she finally spoke, "You're as sweet and nice as he said you are. That's very thoughtful of you Beth and just in case, it's always very, very casual at our house."

It was then she caught his eye and she waved, "Hey Daryl."

He nodded toward her, "Hey Beth."

He wasn't sure why, but he'd caught himself thinking about her all day and earlier, when he saw her come out on her porch, he couldn't help but smile. He wondered what it was she was writing about, maybe it was more songs. He hoped so, he could listen to her sing forever.

xxxx

She'd thought it best she should just come in the house, she almost felt as if she was encroaching on his family time. She picked up her guitar and was picking at the strings, trying to remember the chords of that old song when she heard the sedan drive off. With Carol and the children gone she felt okay about moving onto the front porch.

She wasn't trying to write anything, or be particularly creative, she was just enjoying the afternoon, relaxing and trying to get that song picked out, when suddenly there he was. She hadn't even heard him come out on his porch.

"Sounds real nice Beth," He at least looked at her, even if it was just for a second.

"Thanks Daryl, I'm just playing around with an old tune. Did you have a nice visit with your family?" She asked casually, trying to keep conversation flowing.

"Uh, oh yeah, those kids have a lotta energy they damn near wear me out." He almost had a smile on his face, and she'd seen the way he was with them, she knew he loved those kids.

"Whatcha playin' there? Sounds kinda familiar but I can't place it." He was back to looking down, but at least he was talking to her.

"It's Tom Waits, Hold On, it's such a haunting melody and for some reason it just popped in my head. I'm trying to see if I can pick it out." She smiled and he just happened to see it.

He looked at her like he was thinking about something serious, and then he said, "I'm hungry and I can't go out and get anythin', I can't be drivin' cuz I had a few beers n all, but I's gonna call and get pizza delivered, wanna share? I think it's my turn to cook." And he added that signature shrug.

All she could think was, oh my God he'd invited her to dinner at his place. HIS place! Sure it was just pizza, but this was huge. She was trying hard to keep her smile under control.

"Sure, I could make us a salad," she smiled at him.

"Salad? Uh, well yeah I guess, if you want one." She almost laughed when he said it, what had she been thinking? He certainly didn't seem like a salad lover type of guy. And she was thinking, he's just so darn cute and he doesn't even know it.

"I got some wine and some beers over here too," He had that small half smile and he shrugged that one shoulder.

"That sounds perfect Daryl, I'll be over in a few minutes."

Instead of the salad, she opted to take the leftover pie from the night before.

They were enjoying that pizza, and although meat lovers would not be her first choice, it wasn't bad at all. He asked her what she'd done today, and she was happy he wanted to know, he didn't ask a lot of questions, "I had a late breakfast with my sister and Glenn, we visited and stuff, and then I stopped at the library for a while."

He looked thoughtful, "I like the library, it's quiet in there and no one bothers you. I hadn't thought about that in a long time, I should go. Maybe next time yer goin' let me know, I'll go with you, I mean if that's okay and all?"

"Sure Daryl, sounds great," she smiled, and she could see he'd flushed a little red, so she changed the subject, "Those kids sure seemed to keep you hopping today, they're adorable by the way."

"Those kids, they're a bundle a energy, they're real good people, nice children. I hope the world don't ruin 'em." And there it was, the sad Daryl.

She didn't want him getting down, they'd been having a nice time, she wanted desperately to change his train of thought when her eyes fell to the crossbow in the corner. "Do you use that crossbow for hunting or competitions or something?"

He didn't even glance over at it, "I used to spend all my free time out in the woods, huntin' and campin'. I used it mostly for huntin', but I also just liked shootin' it, you know, just for fun, target practice I guess." He shrugged.

"It's very impressive looking, I'd love to try shooting one sometime. I doubt I could hit anything, but it seems like it would be fun to try." She smiled at him, and he was looking at her like he was deciding something.

"I ain't handled any kinda weapon since I got back home, not sure I can, but if you wanna try shootin' it, we can go out in the woods and I can tell ya what to do." He was chewing the side of his thumb.

She wasn't going to ask him why he didn't want to handle a weapon, she had an idea why and she wasn't going to push him for answers about things she knew were difficult for him. "Oh I'd love that Daryl. I haven't done anything outdoorsy since I lost my family. That would be so nice to be out there again."

And now he gave her a serious look, "Okay, I ain't goin' to my brother's place tomorrow, we could take off in the mornin'. Can you be ready at 7?"

"Yes, sure! I can't wait, I'm so excited to try the crossbow." She beamed him that smile and suddenly he felt happy, maybe it would be a good thing to get out there in the woods, might be a good thing for both of them.

"Oh, but I ain't got a car, just the bike, you okay ridin' on that?" She swore his neck flushed again, like he was embarrassed.

"Yes! I've never been on a motorcycle. Tomorrow is sounding like more and more fun, I can't wait."

* * *

He couldn't believe he'd asked her over for pizza, but then he really surprised himself when he asked her to go with him to the woods, offered to teach her how to shoot his bow. The only thing that surprised him more was that she'd said yes, that she was so happy about it, and that had made him look forward to it himself, feel excited, and he couldn't remember the last time he was actually excited to go anywhere. This girl, she seemed to be able to make him step out of himself, and he was thinking that was a real good thing.

xxxx

She was out front and ready to go at 6:45, and so was he.

He seemed nervous, he gave her a nod, "You ready girl?"

"You bet I am."

"What's in that little backpack?"

"Since we ate all the pizza, I thought I'd better make us some sandwiches for lunch." She smiled, and oh my, he smiled back. It made her heart skip a beat.

She was telling herself to slow down, it wasn't even a real date, just two friends spending the day together, but dang, it was a start and she was going to enjoy every minute of it.

She didn't think anything could beat the thrill of the bike ride with him, until he stood behind her, she had the crossbow in hand, and he was explaining to her what to do next, guiding her arms, her hands, her line of sight. She could feel his warm breath on her ear, and his closeness was making concentration difficult.

He told her to pull, and she did. She missed the target, but she was close. Without thinking, he took the bow from her, "You did really good Beth, I think you have a lotta natural talent, but let me show you a couple a things."

He explained some finer points to her, and she watched him effortlessly load the bolt, he showed her the stance and the aim, he pulled the trigger and landed that bolt right in the center of that target.

"Oh my God Daryl, that was awesome! I can't believe how easy you made that look. I'm so impressed."

He was looking down, he shrugged, and then looked in her eyes, "Sharpshooter. You asked, you know, what I did in the Army. Sharpshooter."

And somehow she knew this was a very big deal to him, to have told her that, to reveal even this small part of his experience to her. "Thank you Daryl." That was all she could think to say.

They continued with their practice and she actually started to get pretty good. He was proud of her, she was so willing to try, to laugh at herself when she screwed up, and then to try again. He liked the determination. He was starting to think there wasn't anything about her he didn't like.

He thought he was kidding when he said, "You know Beth we could come out here again and you could try and shoot a rabbit, if you get one we could eat it for dinner."

She smiled at him, "Okay, I'll try to get the dinner, and if you're willing to clean the dinner, I'll even be willing to cook the dinner."

"You got yourself a deal Beth Greene." She was special for sure.

xxxx

It had been a long active day, she had so much fun, much more than she'd expected to have, she was exhausted and yet she felt kind of energized, happy. He'd been so great, so patient with her and she felt like she'd gotten a glimpse of the man Daryl was, that he could be again if he could just beat this Deep Blue Funk. He'd been confident, capable, and he'd even smiled and joked. And he told her something, something she knew he didn't offer up lightly. Whether or not it was the smart thing, and whether or not it would ever work, all she could think was how much she wanted to have a closeness with Daryl Dixon.

The whole day had been a surprise to him. She'd been so willing to give it all a try, and she really was a natural. He didn't see her becoming some kind of avid hunter but she seemed to love just getting out there, hanging in the woods, and that made him happy. He hadn't been out there in forever himself, he'd forgotten how much it meant to him to spend a day in the woods. And damn he'd liked being out there with Beth, and she'd brought him out of the blues, even if just for a little while, hell he was actually having fun, he'd felt happy, he'd shot his bow, and he'd shared with her. She was making his life better, and even though he had no idea where they were headed, he knew he wanted her in his life. He made up his mind he was going to work a lot harder at that therapy he went to three times a week right after work. He admitted to himself he'd been phoning it in, and he wanted to get better, for himself, for his family, and for Beth.

xxxx

She'd been sleeping so soundly when the noise woke her up and her heart started to race, no, no, no they'd had such a great day and now it was being spoiled by one of those terrible nightmares. She didn't want him to go through it alone, and she wasn't going to fight her feelings, she went right over to him.

She stood by his bed, "Please Daryl wake up, please. Wake up Daryl, please wake up, it's just a dream."

When he woke and saw her there he didn't say anything, he just got to a seated position at the edge of the bed, and then simply sighed, "Beth."

"I know, I'm sorry, I can't help it."

"I ain't mad, I know yer bein' concerned n all, that's real nice. I just hate that I wake you, ruin your sleep, and it's embarrassin' for me that you see me this way, so damn outta control."

She knelt in front of him and put her hands to his knees, "Don't be embarrassed Daryl, it's a nightmare, just a bad dream."

He was chewing at his bottom lip, he looked at her hard for a minute, took a deep breath, nodded his head slightly, and said, "Nah Beth, that's just it, it ain't a nightmare, nightmares ain't real, this is real. I just keep livin' that day over n over again in my sleep. The worst fuckin' day a my life and I got to keep livin' it three or four times every week, just like I'm there all over again."

He'd shared something so monumental with her she was overwhelmed, "Thank you for trusting me Daryl, sharing with me, it means everything."

He looked in her eyes for just a moment, then nodded and said, "We better get some sleep, I got work in the mornin' n you got the shelter. C'mon." And she couldn't have been any more surprised when he moved to the far side of the bed and looked to her. She got in next to him and he turned his back to her, and just like the other night she slid an arm around his waist and laid her head on his back, but this time he reached for that hand on his stomach, and he held it, "You wanna go with me next Sunday n have dinner at my brother's house?"

"Yes I'd like that a lot." And she had a smile on her face, and Daryl had one too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots going on this chapter as Beth slowly learns more about Daryl Dixon, and Daryl Dixon makes a decision about his life.

** Daryl **

I made up my mind, I just wanna get my shit together. I gotta work harder at that and I know it, I been kinda slackin', just gettin' through life, not really livin' it.

It's not just cuz I met Beth that I wanna get better, but she's part of it, and it's not just for Merle, Carol and the kids, they're part of it too. But Beth told me once I gotta get more selfish in the way where sometimes I put myself first. So that's it, I need to do this for me.

I can't keep livin' like this, bein' so fuckin' miserable and hurtin' all the damn time. Bein' out in the woods, that made me feel again, feel what it's like to have fun, do sumthin' I love, just breathe the air and be happy to be doin' that. The fact that Beth was there, well that just made it all even better. She's so nice, she's good people and she's funny and full of life, even though she's had a real terrible deal she's had to go through her own self. Beth, she really helps pull me up outta what she calls Deep Blue Funk. That's a good name for it cuz it feels like you're drownin' in sumthin' so cold, so deep down and so dark, you can't quite swim up out of it.

I felt so bad when the day got spoiled by me havin' a fuckin' nightmare. It's like I told her, I hate that I wake her up, worry her, and it's embarrassin'. I want Beth to see me as a man, a man that can take care a shit, you know, like a man's supposed to do. I don't want her thinkin' I'm weak. But there's no denyin' I liked havin' her in my bed, sleeping next to me, arm around me. Shit, it's special when she's layin' her head on my back, and her arm's wrapped around me like she cares for me. What seems kinda weird is, she still hasn't asked me about the scars.

I've never much liked people touchin' me, wantin' to hug me or any a that, but I swear, I could lay there like that with Beth the rest a my life.

I gotta get better.

**Beth**

I shouldn't be doing it, I shouldn't allow myself to do this, not to me, not to Daryl, but I can't help myself, and I can't stop myself, it's out of my hands. I'm falling for him, and I'm falling hard.

I know he's a wreck, I know that because of the wreck I've been. If I can get better he can, and I have been, I'm so much better. Sure, I still have a ways to go, but I'm getting there, and Daryl can get there too, I know he can.

Things between Daryl and me, they've just been getting better and we've been getting closer a little at a time. I know that's for the best, this can't be rushed, I realize it, but gosh, I want it, I want it all, and I want it with Daryl. It defies logic that's for darn sure. On paper I'm sure we're both hopeless lost souls who don't stand a chance. I refuse to accept that. I've been down that deep dark hole, and I'm not going to live there, and if I have even the slightest amount of power to see to it, Daryl's not staying down there either.

When he has those nightmares it hurts me emotionally, but it's physically painful too, it hurts. The thought of him suffering through that, it breaks my heart, and there's nothing I can do to make it stop. I know it embarrasses him when I just show up trying to rouse him, but I can't help it. I can't just lay in bed and listen to him dealing with that and pretend it's not happening, somehow blow it off, no, I couldn't do it.

When he moved over in the bed, and I knew he wanted me there, knew he wanted me lying next to him, I almost cried because it meant so much to me, I was so overcome with emotion. When he held my hand I never wanted him to let go. Then he asked me to go with him to a family dinner, I knew what a big deal that was for him and it meant the world to me. I'm so excited, and so nervous about spending the day with Daryl and his family.

** Merle **

Carol told me she asked this woman, Daryl's landlord Beth, ta come have Sunday dinner with us, I wasn't surprised. My wife she'd do anythin' ta try n make Daryl happy, and especially if it meant he'd have a friend. Well then she tells me what this Beth said about lettin' Daryl take the lead, invite her his own self if he wanted her there, that's when I knew I liked the girl. I never expected Baby Brother would really ask her, shit, the boy never has made a move ta be social. So Monday mornin' when he tells me he asked her, I's a little shocked ta say the least, but damn I'm happy, it's a good sign.

It all just comes down to me wantin' him ta get better, feel better, I don't give a fuck what it takes. So I hope the woman don't hurt him somehow, I mean, I know she can't fix him, but I don't want her ta break him more'n he's already broke.

xxxx

He'd done it. He'd been there and present for therapy. Usually he'd sit through those sessions just slumped in his chair. He'd spend the time wishing he was anywhere other than in another group of vets talking about their experiences. He'd be counting the minutes until the time was up and he could go home, eat a little something and drink himself to sleep.

But this Monday he sat up and he listened up, and when that Viet Nam era vet talked about Khe San back in '68, the exodus, the siege, the loss of life, 703 killed, 2,642 wounded, and 7 missing, Daryl heard. He heard the man tell the story of how he came home from Nam and he broke down, and he blew a marriage, and he blew a job and he fucked up and he gave up, and then how he got back. How he saved himself, how he rebuilt his life and he got another chance and all Daryl could think was he wanted to be that brave, and he wanted that chance, he wanted to rebuild his life too. He got determined.

And this Monday he stopped and he got the five tacos for five bucks special, but he didn't get the six pack of beer. He was going to try, at least for tonight, to stay sober, write down a few thoughts, make a plan, and see if he could just fall asleep, you know, without liquid anesthesia.

Beth was peeking out the shade when he pulled up on the motorcycle. She'd quit worrying she was getting weird and that she'd turned into a stalker, she just admitted that was the truth, she'd apparently crossed that line for good.

She noticed two things, first was his walk, he was looking straight ahead, shoulders squared, and walking with purpose, like he had somewhere to go and something to do. And there was something missing, he wasn't carrying a six pack.

xxxx

Tuesday when he pulled up he didn't even go to his door first, he came to her door. He was Daryl, looking down and obviously nervous, but he asked, "I can't remember the last time I ate a rabbit stew. Ya wanna go Saturday mornin' and see if you can get me that rabbit?" And then he'd looked up and smiled, just a small smile, but it was there.

"Sure, I can help you out with that, I'm a natural, a friend of mine said so, and if anyone would know, he's the man who would."

He looked at her and just nodded, "Okay then, 7am Saturday."

She smiled, "Sounds good. Would you like to come in for a while?"

"Um, nah but thanks Beth, I'ma go over to the grocery and pick up a few things, see if I still remember how to cook for myself." And he'd shrugged, but the other thing he did was smile back at her.

She was thrilled he'd approached her, and the sweet way he'd asked her to go with him made her smile. She quickly called Maggie and told her she'd be missing pancakes on Saturday.

xxxx

By the end of the week he was feeling pretty pleased with himself, he realized to a lot of people it wouldn't seem like much, but for him, it was a very big deal.

He'd done that grocery shopping, and he'd cooked himself something to eat every night. It wasn't fancy, but it wasn't fast food either. It was what he knew, fried meat, maybe some beans or fried potatoes, a can of vegetables. And sure, he'd had a few beers, but no more than two a night. He was even eating breakfast, maybe it was just grits, or a couple of fried eggs, but what it all represented was Daryl Dixon taking care of himself.

* * *

Wednesday after group he'd mustered up every ounce of wherewithal he had, and he'd approached that Viet Nam vet. His name was Tom, and Tom was willing to go for coffee with Daryl and talk.

They spent two hours in that diner and Daryl just listened, he listened to Tom tell the stories of what he'd been through in Nam, and the older vet didn't hold back the details. He told about the friends he'd lost and how they'd died, the horrors he'd seen, and what he'd been through after. And the man helped Daryl to understand more about what he was feeling, and the things he could do to help himself. Coming from Tom, it meant something to Daryl, it had power. He and the older vet had lived through the same type of hell, and Tom had gotten through it, righted himself.

Daryl wanted what Tom had, a life.

* * *

He was always home at the same time, so when he didn't come home on time Wednesday evening Beth started to get nervous. When he finally showed up at just after 8:30 she was relieved, but still concerned something might have happened to him.

It wasn't like he was supposed to tell her where he was going and when he'd be home. He was an adult, and they weren't married, they hadn't had plans for the evening, but the concern had gotten the best of Beth.

After he'd been home about 20 minutes she couldn't take it anymore, she just wanted to see him, make sure he was okay. She knocked on his front door and she was a little startled when he answered, he was shirtless, wearing a pair of flannel sleep pants, and holy cow he looked hotter than hot. "Hey Beth, sumthin' wrong?"

She could smell hamburger meat cooking, he was obviously fixing himself dinner, and now she was embarrassed and she could feel her face turn red. "Oh I just got worried is all Daryl."

"Well hey, c'mon in, don't be standin' outside. I gotta flip that patty over. So what's got ya worried?" And she followed him into the kitchen.

"Well gee, I don't want you to think I spy on you or something, but you always get home at the same time Monday, Wednesday and Friday it's 6:30, but Tuesday and Thursday it's 5:30." When she said it she realized how bad and creepy that sounded, she could just recite his schedule, and to make matters worse, he actually laughed.

"Well damn, I guess if you were really spyin' you'd know what time I brush my teeth."

And she was so self-conscious, "Oh my God Daryl, I'm so sorry, I _am_ a spy!"

He just smiled, "It's okay Beth, I know you've been watchin' me since the day I moved in, but just so you don't feel bad, I keep an eye on you too. It's just that I'm much better at bein' sneaky."

"I didn't even think you noticed me for weeks after you moved in, how did I not notice you watching me?" She squinted an eye at him.

"I told you I's a sharpshooter in the Army but what I didn't tell you was I's a Ranger, I'm trained to notice you and not let you notice me." He just smiled and shrugged, but she was focused on the fact he'd just told her something more about himself.

"Oh, that's why you have 'RLTW' tattooed there on your chest." She couldn't believe she hadn't put two and two together, sheesh, Fort Benning's the home base for The Rangers. Maybe it was the chest that distracted her, or the arms, or all of it. It was hard to be standing there looking at that incredible naked torso without reaching out and touching it.

He just nodded, "Yep, _Rangers Lead the Way_. Why don't you set with me while I eat supper, oh yeah my manners, have you eaten?" His neck turned a little red and that just made him look even more appealing.

"Oh I ate a couple of hours ago, I'm sorry, please eat your dinner." She couldn't help herself she reached up and lightly touched his arm. He froze for just a moment and looked in her eyes, then it seemed he caught himself, "You want some wine?"

She knew her cheeks were red, she could feel the color, "Please, if you don't mind."

They sat and he told her, "I met a guy Monday, then I saw him again tonight and we went for coffee, that's where I was. He's helpin' me, you know, deal with some things. Anyway, that's where I was. Don't worry if I ain't here, but if it seems too long, then call Merle, I know he gave you his number, he ain't as sly as he thinks."

Now she saw, he never missed a thing. He may be looking down, and he may seem to be out of touch sometimes, but nothing got by him.

And she'd learned two more things about Daryl Dixon, he was a former Ranger, and he was talking to someone about what he'd been through.

xxxx

They were both out front again early on Saturday. Daryl had the crossbow, bolts and game bag, Beth had her small backpack with some lunch, and they were off.

Daryl explained to her that a rabbit warren is like an underground city, a series of connecting tunnels and burrows where rabbits live. And then he told her how you go about finding a warren.

They waited patiently for the rabbit to expose itself, and when it did she was ready. To her surprise and to his excitement she got it. "Damn Beth, you did good girl, I knew you were a natural. You did your part, you got dinner." He was smiling and she couldn't keep herself from giggling a little.

"Do you want to get one now Daryl?" She asked him with a smile.

He looked serious but not sullen when he said, "I ain't sure I'm ready to pull the trigger on something living, maybe next time. Do you wanna try to get another one?"

"I think one is good for now, I'd really like to just walk around and enjoy the outdoors, does that sound okay?"

"Sounds real good to me," And when he slung that crossbow over his shoulder she almost let out a sigh. That was one sexy move and he was totally unaware of the affect it had on her.

They came to a small hill and climbed up to see a beautiful little pond, without speaking they sat, just enjoying the view and the day. Beth began to cry, her tears were silent, except an occasional sniffle.

Daryl wasn't sure what to do, what to say, or if he should just avoid doing or saying anything. Seeing her look so sad was hurting him. He decided he should speak, "What's wrong Beth, why ya cryin'?"

"I'm sorry Daryl, I don't even know for sure. When I sat down I just started thinking how much Shawn would have loved being out here, and you know how one thought leads to another. I started to think about times I'd had with him, memories started coming to the surface, like the fun we had growing up, and even how annoying and over-protective he could be. It's no wonder I never had a date in high school, Shawn had every guy in school half afraid to even talk to me." A soft laugh mixed with her tears.

It was then she reached for Daryl's hand and their fingers entwined. He surprised himself when he started to speak, "Don't be sorry, it's good to let those feelin's come out. That's what I gotta learn to do with mine. You're doin' good Beth, real good. And shit, I get it, you loved your brother, had a bond, and then he got taken away. You're always gonna miss him and that ain't nuthin' to be ashamed of." And he gave her hand a slight squeeze and she smiled a "thank you."

They ate the sandwiches she'd brought, and then started back on their walk.

* * *

The trouble began when he spotted that snake, it was a harmless one, and it seemed funny at the time. He picked it up and started chasing her with it, they were both laughing, and she was screeching a little, then her foot caught on an exposed tree root. She screamed as she fell forward and landed face down on the ground.

Daryl ran to her, "You okay? What the fuck? Shit Beth." He'd pulled the boot off and was checking her ankle. "I don't think it's broke." And then he started to yell, not at her, but it was obvious, the incident had been a trigger and Daryl was reacting. "See? You see what I mean now?! I told you! I can't be anyone's friend! Goddammit Beth, now you got hurt and it's my fuckin' fault, I caused it. You need to stay the fuck away from me!" He stood, he was pacing, rubbing his hand over his head, kicking at rocks, and then he tried to pull the tree root from the ground with his bare hands. The whole time he was yelling, pissed off at himself.

She didn't say anything, she just watched. It seemed to go on for hours, but in reality it lasted only a minute or two.

As quickly as it had started it stopped, or at least the yelling did. He plopped down next to her, took her leg in his hands and checked her ankle again. He looked at her, it was a hard stare, and she could see the tension and the concern, "Are you hurt anywhere else, everything okay, tell me Beth."

"I'm fine Daryl, it was just an accident, I should have paid better attention to where I was stepping. Please Daryl, believe me, I'm fine." She reached for his arm, but he pulled away. Now that hurt.

"I always fuck up Beth, don't you see? I shouldn't a been chasin' you, teasin' you. I'm s'posed to be a man, I ain't some 12 year old kid, shouldn't be actin' like one. Now you got hurt cuz I'm a fuckin' dumbass."

"Stop it Daryl, stop talking like that, stop saying those things. We were having fun, I was having a great time, it was a game, we were both enjoying it. It's a tree root for gawd sake, I could have caught my boot in that just walking. You didn't do anything wrong. And you _are_ a man, you're a wonderful man and I'm not going to let you sit here and tell me you're not, and I'm not going to quit being your friend."

They looked at each other, both had tears in their eyes, and he spoke "You mean too much to me Beth, I don't ever wanna hurt you, don't want anyone to hurt you. And now you seen another side a me, the side that gets outta control, but I'm tryin' Beth. I'm tryin' to get my shit together, but it's gonna take me time. I got a lotta work to do. I told you before, I'm a mess."

"Daryl, I care a lot about you, I think you know that. I know you're trying, I know it's scary, but Daryl I'm not going anywhere, I'm going to be as patient as I need to be for as long as it takes."

He hung his head, overwhelmed by her words, silently he reached for her hand and just above a whisper he told her, "You're the one that made me wanna try."

* * *

They attempted walking back, but Beth was moving slow and obviously in pain. Suddenly he stopped, hunched his shoulders and said, "C'mon." She was puzzled, "Are you serious?" he turned his head toward her, "Yeah, it's a serious piggyback."

When they got back to the house he insisted on carrying her in, into _his_ house, and that surprised her. "You ain't cookin' the damn rabbit, that's for sure. I'll cook dinner. Won't be a stew, I ain't a real chef you know," he paused and gave her a small smile, "But I can fry it up, an I got a box a mac n cheese n a can a peas. Won't be good like one a your dinners, but it probably won't kill you."

"That sounds perfect, but I can help. It's just a twist, I'll be fine." She lightly touched his hand.

"Nah, decision's made, you're layin' on the couch, I'm gettin' you an ice pack for that ankle, and you're watchin' whatever is on the TV. I'm cookin' sumthin' that we're gonna hope a person can eat. If it sucks too bad, I'll go get us a bucket a chicken or sumthin'."

If she hadn't already figured out that he was special that would have showed her the light. "Thank you Daryl, I can't wait and I know it's going to be just right." He just snorted, handed her the remote control and went to the kitchen.

As it turned out, it wasn't bad at all, in fact, she loved the rabbit and told him so several times. He didn't take a compliment easily, and he'd just shrugged.

After dinner he got a beer, got her wine, and they settled in and watched an old Clint Eastwood movie on TV.

By the time it was over they were both yawning and she said, "I'd better get home and get to bed."

There was a pause, then he asked, "Would you stay? I, uh, well shit Beth, I ain't gonna try nuthin' or anythin'. I can sleep on the couch here, it's just I'ma worry 'bout you if you go home."

They were both embarrassed, but still...

She didn't have to think long before she said "Okay, but you don't have to sleep on the couch, it's not like we haven't slept in the same bed." And they both looked down, red-faced.

He got in the bed, moved to make room for her, looked at her quickly, almost smiled and turned on his side. She crawled in next to him, laid her head on his back and put her arm around his waist. He took her hand in his and quietly began to speak, "Most a them scars came courtesy of my Dad and his belt, when I's a kid. Merle kept me from gettin' a lot more when I's little, but then he went in the Army. When he come home, I's 14, he seen I had two black eyes. That's when he took me to live with him. Probably saved my life. The old man was gettin' worse all the time. Dad got murdered soon after, they never did find who did it." Beth was stunned, stunned he'd told her, stunned a father could do that to their child, stunned his father had been murdered. He continued, "Got the rest when I got captured in the Sandbox."

She was confused now, "The Sandbox?"

"Yeah, it was a side mission we made into Iraq, the Sandbox, it went real bad," He sighed deeply then quietly said, "Rangers Lead the Way."

And again, he'd revealed something so deeply personal, she felt the pain and the emotion coming from him. She was fighting tears, she was overwhelmed with her feelings for him, and about what had happened to him. She spoke softly, "Thank you Daryl, thank you for trusting me enough to tell me these things."

"Nah, thank you Beth for never pushin' me, for just waitin' til I'm ready to tell." She burrowed into him a little tighter, and he gently squeezed her hand.


	6. Chapter 6

They were both awake at six and still sleepy-eyed when he said, "Thanks for stayin' Beth. I don't remember that I ever slept all night through before."

She smiled at that, "Well I slept like a rock myself. I didn't really think I would, but it was comforting Daryl."

They both reddened and then he got serious, "You gotta be careful of me Beth. If you're here n I wake you cuz I'm havin' a nightmare, you gotta get the hell away from me. I could hurt you. Not cuz I mean to, you know I'd never do that. But sometimes I wake up like that, or I ain't even really awake yet, I might think you're someone you ain't, might think I'm somewhere else. I ain't tryin' to scare you, believe me, I like havin' you here, but I'd never forgive myself if I hurt you." His neck was red, he was mostly looking down and she knew it had been hard for him to tell her that.

"I understand Daryl. I've read about that, and I know I shouldn't come in here and try to wake you. I'm sorry."

"Nah, don't be sorry, you're just bein' nice, that's you Beth. Maybe someday it'll stop, I keep hopin' it will. But promise me, promise you'll be careful."

"Alright Daryl I promise. If I'm here and it starts, I'll go in the other room until it's over. If I'm home and I come over because I hear you, I won't come in your room while it's happening."

Impulsively she reached for him and hugged him, just for a fleeting moment, but it happened. They looked at each other, and just as quickly, they both looked down.

Beth spoke quickly, "I have to get home for a while. I have some things to do and I need to get ready to go to your brothers'. We still get to go, right?" She was feeling a little embarrassed but she didn't regret hugging him.

"'Course, if ya still want to, if yer feelin' okay n stuff," Now he was looking down. She knew he was embarrassed too, but he'd been receptive.

She lightly touched his arm, just for a second, "Of course I want to go Daryl, I've been looking forward to it all week."

"What about yer ankle, how's that doin'?"

"I won't lie to you it does hurt a little but not bad, definitely not enough to keep me home."

** Daryl **

I never was one for hangin' around people much, especially not women. Hell, I don't really know or understand the first thing about women, never even thought about tryin' to figure that shit out. Back before I got broken I'd have a hook up every now n then, I am a guy after all, but that was pretty much it. I never could get the idea of actually havin' a regular woman in my life, it seemed like a lotta work and I'm so fuckin' awkward around women. I always had to be a few beers in just to talk to one. My longest relationship was a weekend I spent in Germany while the Army was arrangin' my transport to the Sandbox. I met a gal in a bar and we got drunk together, went back to my room. That's pretty much how the whole weekend went, we got drunk, we had sex, n we got drunk some more. It probably helped that there was a language barrier. That right there is what I know about relationships. I ain't proud a that shit but it happened, and it seemed none of 'em wanted any more from me than I wanted from them. I just thought, what woman would wanna hang with me for anythin' but a quick one on a drunken night?

I never thought I'd care for havin' a woman around anyway, ya know, like a girlfriend or a wife. Just the idea of it made me uncomfortable. I imagined it would be so hard talkin' to 'em, just spendin' time with 'em, I mean besides time ya spend gettin' drunk and lettin' your instincts take over.

But with Beth it seems easy, fun even. I like talkin' to her, n I like listenin' to her. And shit, I sure never thought I'd take a woman out in the woods huntin' with me, no fuckin' way, and then I let that woman shoot my bow. And damn, she done it, she learned it, n she got our dinner.

I've only known her a couple of months n I've already had so many "first times" with her. First time I took a woman huntin', first time I took a woman, or anyone, on my bike, first time I'ma take a woman to spend a day with my family, and the big one, first time I ever asked a woman to stay all night with me. Not for sex, but because I wanted her there, because I like havin' her there, because damn, I got feelin's for her. A lotta feelin's. But I can't fuck this up. I gotta take care a myself first, get my shit together. That's another great thing about Beth, she knows that, she gets it. She knows I'm all fucked up, she knows about my demons, hell she's seen 'em there on my back, chasin' me, but damn if she don't believe in me. She believes I can beat this, she told me so more'n once.

xxxx

He knocked on her door at five minutes to eleven. She couldn't help being struck by how handsome he looked. Those bright blue eyes and that rough, rugged look, a look she knew could soften, she'd seen that softer side more than once. He was wearing dark jeans, those brown boots, a t-shirt and his green army jacket. He was just plain sexy, that was a fact.

He smiled shyly and looked down, but then back up, "Ya ready to visit the chaos that lives at my brother's house?"

She laughed at that, "Heck yeah, I like a little chaos on a pleasant Sunday."

"Well then you're about ta get real happy. What's in the tin?"

"Oh I made cookies this morning." She shrugged it off.

"You know you ain't gotta bring anythin' they ain't expectin' that." He almost looked apologetic.

"I didn't think they did, it was something I wanted to do." She was smiling broadly now.

Surprisingly, he smiled back just as broadly, "Alright then, what kind? I'm kinda crazy 'bout cookies."

"They're chocolate chip, and don't worry, I saved plenty back for you." She was still smiling, but he was surprised. "Really? Why?"

"Because Mister Dixon I thought you might enjoy them." Damn, she was just so fuckin' sweet.

** Beth **

What a day yesterday was, I still can't completely wrap my head around it. Right from the beginning I was pretty surprised, I mean that Daryl even asked me to go. And when I got the rabbit well I just couldn't believe it, and I swear Daryl was more excited than me.

Everything was pretty perfect, yes I got emotional about Shawn and all, but that just helped us talk about stuff, get closer. And then when he was chasing me with the snake, it was fun, it was funny and it was almost ruined by my clumsy self. But Daryl he could not have been any sweeter, he's so kind, such a gentleman, and the weird thing is he doesn't even realize that he goes out of his way, that he's special.

Of course, the most unbelievable part of the day was when he asked me to stay the night. I thought I'd faint, and he was so cute, offering to sleep on the couch. I was on a wild ride in my own head, excited he wanted me there, nervous, certain I wouldn't sleep, and scared. I'm not even sure why I was scared, I guess I was kind of overwhelmed by all of it.

Anyway, this morning we talked more. I know it was hard for him when he talked about his dreams, about me being careful because he might hurt me. I'd known I was putting myself in some danger but I'd kind of blown it off. That's on me. Now that he said something I'll be good, because I know that was difficult for him and he's right. But slowly, little by little, Daryl is revealing himself to me, and maybe I'm revealing a little of myself to him.

Oh, and when I hugged him, it was just a reaction, you know, to him being so honest. I knew I'd embarrassed us both, but I didn't care and I don't care, I don't mind showing him my feelings. And really, doesn't it seem weird that the little hug would embarrass us both so much? Geez, we just spent the whole night snuggled up sleeping together. Who can explain these things? Someone maybe, but not me.

xxxx

They pulled up to Merle and Carol's and Beth was immediately impressed. Everything was so perfect looking, like a dollhouse, a beautiful yard with colorful flowers and a great front porch, complete with swing and rockers. "Oh my, this is beautiful, I can't wait to see the inside."

"Oh it's real nice too, Merle and Carol they like things a certain way, that ain't easy with the chaos," and he actually laughed and she could tell he was happy to be there.

"Do they know you call their children the chaos?" She was smiling at his happiness.

"Oh hell yeah, they call 'em the same thing but really, Sophia and James they're real good kids, they got respect and good manners, Merle sees to that. He's strict but he ain't mean, he loves them kids, and he don't believe in hittin' kids and women, not like the old man at all." It seemed he suddenly realized everything he said and his mood shifted a little.

But they were at the front door and he gave one knock, opened it and hollered, "I'm lookin' for chaos!"

The two children she'd seen in his yard were there in what seemed less than a second, they were jumping up and down yelling, "Uncle Daryl! Uncle Daryl!" She saw him laugh for the second time that day and she couldn't help but laugh herself.

It was then that Carol and Merle appeared, and Merle smiled, "Alright calm down ya hooligans, yer Uncle Daryl brought a guest, let him introduce her."

The children quieted and she could see Daryl get nervous, just that quick, "This is my friend Beth Greene, Beth I think you met my sister in law Carol and my brother Merle, and the chaos here are Sophia and James Dixon, also known as Thing One an Thing Two." With that the children started to giggle and Daryl chased them right out to the yard.

"I guess that just leaves the adults ta talk," Merle grinned at her, "Can I get ya a beer or wine, we got sweet tea, whatever ya like."

She was enjoying herself already, the house wasn't large but it was so homey and comfortable, everything about it was welcoming, and Merle and Carol both seemed so nice. "Well I think I'd probably just start with a sweet tea, maybe think about some wine later, thank you. Oh and Carol, here you go, nothing special just some cookies," she handed her the tin.

"How nice but you really didn't need to do that Beth, you're our guest," Carol assured her.

"Oh I wanted to, I thought the children might enjoy them, and by the way they're adorable."

"Children my arse, I'll be enjoyin' them cookies," Merle winked at Carol and she gently pushed his arm. His tone softened when he asked his wife, "What about you Sweetie, what can I get ya?"

"I'm with Beth, I'd like a sweet tea now, and some wine might be just right after a while. Thank you."

While Merle got the drinks Carol took her out to a screened-in back porch, it was pure southern charm and Beth just loved it. She and Carol sat and watched Daryl and the kids running around the yard. Merle brought the drinks and handed her one, "Sorry, Little Brother ain't bein' very polite leavin' ya ta go play around with them kids."

"Oh I'm enjoying myself, I love seeing Daryl have fun," She was watching him and smiling. She didn't see Merle and Carol exchange a smile.

Carol asked, "So do you work Beth?"

"Well, I don't have a regular job I volunteer at the animal shelter, usually about two hours a day unless they need me more. I work three hours a day on my music, just because I love it and it's good for me to have a schedule, plus I do better when I'm creating."

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand, you do better?" Oh no, she'd let that slip and now Carol had questions.

'Um, well…" she'd started to answer but Carol interrupted, "No, no, never mind, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cross examine you or get too personal, I apologize."

"Please Carol, it's not a problem. I lost my parents and my brother in an accident a couple of years ago, I had trouble adjusting. Routine and creativity help me a lot. That's all, please don't apologize or feel bad."

Merle took in a breath and said, "I'ma get them chickens ready ta throw on the grill, can I get you girls anythin' before I do?"

Carol looked at her then, "I don't know about you Beth, but I think I'm ready for that wine." Beth just gave her a smile and nodded.

And Merle called out to Daryl, "Little Brother, can I get ya a beer?"

"Nah, I gotta get Beth home safe, thanks though. I would have a sweet tea please." Merle could hardly believe it, Daryl wasn't having beers.

She was impressed with everyone's manners and how nice they all were, but something told her Merle Dixon was no one to be messed with. She saw the way he watched over his family, and the fact that he called a grown man, "Little Brother", he was the protective type for sure. Beth figured if anyone got out of line with any of them, they'd have Merle Dixon to answer to.

They stayed until about 3:30, the children begged him not to leave, and Beth just thought they were so sweet, she loved how much they loved him, and how he reciprocated those feelings. On the way to the bike she told him, "You have a wonderful family Daryl, I enjoyed today so much, thank you for inviting me."

He stopped walking, "Really Beth? Cuz Merle got after me, said I just ran off n abandoned you, I'm real sorry about that, I sure didn't mean to be rude." His head was down, he was chewing that thumb, and she wasn't going to let him feel bad. She took his hands in hers, "Daryl, I had so much fun watching you play with those kids, it made my day. Please don't apologize and don't feel bad I had a wonderful time, honestly." And she leaned up and kissed his cheek.

They shared a look, a look right into each others eyes and neither said anything, he took her hand and they walked to the bike.

**Merle**

I knew Beth was nice to Daryl and I knew the boy kinda liked her n stuff, but dang, now that I've seen 'em together, I think those two got a lotta feelin's for each other.

I couldn't believe when little brother just run off with the kids n left her hangin'. I can't abide bad manners and Daryl knows that, I raised him better. But when I apologized for that she made a big impression on me n Carol both, ya know, when she said she liked watchin' Daryl have fun. I could see what the boy had been talkin' about when he said she was real nice and didn't put no pressure on him.

And I's mighty proud of him when he didn't drink, said he had ta get her home safe.

Sounds like the girl's had her own cross ta bear what with losin' her folks n her brother. I seen it, yeah she wears all them bracelets, tryin' ta hide it I s'pose, but I seen them scars, I know what they mean. I'm sure all that is a part a why she gets Daryl, seems they both been havin' ta deal with troubles n sadness.

I's most shocked when they's walkin' back down the pathway ta his bike, he stopped, said sumthin' ta her and it seemed he was bothered, chewin' on that thumb like he does. She took his hands, kissed him real sweet on the cheek and they had that long stare, and I'll be go ta hell if he didn't hold her hand. Never thought I'd see that.

Yep, me n Carol, we got some hope now, hope Little Brother can turn that corner, and hopeful he can find some happiness.

xxxx

She got off the bike and asked, "Do you want to come on in, get your cookies, maybe have a beer or something?"

"Yeah, okay sounds good. I gotta try a cookie, the chaos wouldn't share. I'ma get back at 'em for that."

He was so relaxed and animated, she loved seeing this side of Daryl Dixon. "We could sit on the back porch, so you can smoke."

"Yeah please, dang I ain't had a smoke since before we left this mornin', I'ma start gettin' all kind a cranky here if I don't get one soon. I gotta try to give 'em up, but first I gotta deal with all the other stuff."

He always seemed to prefer sitting right on the deck, rather than in a chair, back leaning on the post. She decided to skip the chair and just sit on the deck with him. He was drinking a beer and having his cigarette, they were relaxed.

"Your brother seems so devoted to Carol, it's really nice to see that," She took a sip of her wine.

"Yeah, he changed his life when he n Carol got together. He used to be a lot more uh, well I guess wild."

"Really? How did they meet?" She was curious and he seemed to be okay with talking, which wasn't always the case.

"Wasn't too long after he opened the business, Carol come to work for him as his receptionist. Only took a few days and Merle knew her man was a bastard, she come to work with bruises n split lips. She'd try to hide 'em with make-up n stuff, but hell Merle knows what a woman looks n acts like when she's been beat." Beth noticed he was a little uneasy with that, but he continued, "Anyway, she got pregnant with Sophia, she was a few months along, and damn if she didn't come in one Monday mornin' with her arm in a cast and a black eye she was tryin' to cover up. Wasn't long after that the son of a bitch she was married to turned up dead, killed hisself I guess, they didn't find no note, but they found him hangin' from a tree."

He took a deep breath and he was looking down, but not embarrassed, more like he was just thinking about things, "So then Merle goes n he buys that house n he's bustin' his ass gettin' it all fixed up nice, n he keeps askin' Carol ta see him you know, go to dinner n such. She said she wasn't ready to take a chance on another man, but Merle he didn't give up. They got married when Sophia was a year old. He adopted her and that's that, they love each other n them kids n you're right, he's real devoted. He likes doin' for her, never thought I'd see my brother like this, it's good."

"Oh my gosh, that's just awful she went through all that, but it's wonderful that she and Merle have each other. Does she still work for him?"

"Nah, he don't like her workin' n she don't mind, she stays home with the chaos. He hired a different woman name's Jacqui, she seems nice too."

Beth thought it was best to change the subject, plus there was something she wanted to ask him, "I enjoyed meeting them all so much, getting to know your family a little. Would you be okay meeting my family? I mean I just have Maggie and Glenn."

"Umm, ah fuck, I want to but damn Beth, you know me. I could get anxious." He was obviously upset with himself.

"I get it Daryl, and you know I would never push it on you. I could ask them over for pizza and beer, say Friday, nice and casual, low pressure. That way if you needed to leave you'd be close." She tried to give him a reassuring look.

"You wouldn't be mad if I left?" Now he looked in her eye.

"No Daryl, I couldn't be mad at you for that, ever. But we don't have to do it, we can wait." She smiled at him now.

"Nah, I wanna try, I do. Sumthin' else I'ma try Beth n I'm hopin' I can do it." He breathed in deeply and he seemed tense, "I remember that night out here, you told me I gotta trust someone enough to tell 'em my story, that I can't work it out in my own head until I say it out loud to at least one other person, that I gotta find that one person I trust enough to tell."

He was chewing on the side of his thumb, eyes downcast, "I trust you Beth, but it ain't sumthin' I can tell you, it's too fuckin' gruesome. Hell I wouldn't want you to know people are capable a shit like what went down. You're right though, I gotta tell someone cuz it's a weight on me. And shit, I'm the only one who knows, everyone else is dead. This fella I told you about, Tom, well he told me some stuff, n I know he knows about what goes on in war. He told me I could talk to him when I's ready. So I'ma try Beth, I don't think I'ma be able to tell him all of it yet, but I'ma try n get started that way. It's strange too, cuz I don't wanna do this, but I also wanna do it, cuz damn, I wanna get better."

* * *

When he left she handed him the container with chocolate chip cookies, "You sure Beth, don't you wanna keep some for yourself?"

"No, I made them for you," She looked at him with that shy smile, he liked that, well he liked all her smiles.

"I'ma take some for my lunch tomorrow. All the other guys are always bringin' big ol' homemade lunches, be the first time I ever had sumthin' homemade at work." He seemed so pleased about that, she'd never been happier she decided to make cookies.

She knew exactly what time he'd be walking out the front door in the morning. After all, she was his number one stalker, she was waiting and went out to meet him at the bike. "Here Daryl, I packed you a lunch to go with those cookies," She smiled.

He looked startled and she was so surprised when he quickly took her in a hug. He pulled back, looked in her eyes and said, "You mean a lot to me Beth, a whole lot. Don't worry if I'm late tonight, I'ma try n get together with Tom. I wanna get better for me, but I also wanna get better so maybe I can show you how much you mean to me. Thanks for the lunch, I'll see you tonight."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this story, it's an emotional one to write, and I have to say, this chapter is a bit tough as we see Daryl get very honest, with himself and others. That being said, there's also a lot of love and caring here, and yes, Daryl and Beth continue to grow closer. Trigger warning for war atrocities.
> 
> And to the Guest who asked if Merle killed Carol's husband - all I can say is, I'm no snitch ;)

This day was starting off just right. It seemed like such a simple gesture, just making Daryl a lunch, but it had obviously been a big deal to him. She couldn't believe he'd hugged her that way, and he'd told her she meant a lot to him. Yep, this day was starting out pretty great.

Before she left for the animal shelter she gave Maggie a quick call about Friday night. She was almost as excited as Beth, she and Glenn had heard all about Daryl and they were anxious to meet him.

* * *

She kept checking the time. He'd told her he'd be late, but still she was concerned about him. If he did talk to Tom then this night was going to be huge for him, and undoubtedly painful. It wasn't exactly that she was worried about him, it was more like she felt for him. She knew how big this was, how emotional it would be. She hated to think of the trauma he'd go through reliving whatever it was that he'd been through, but she also knew it could be a big release for him. It could help him.

She didn't hear the bike pull up until just after 9:00, and instead of going to his house, he knocked at her door.

"Hey Beth, I know you probably heard me n all, but I just wanted to come by n tell you I'm home." He looked like he'd been put through the wringer; she could tell just by looking at him he was emotionally spent.

"Thanks Daryl, I've been thinking about you and hoping everything went okay." She reached for his hand and he didn't pull away, instead he gave her hand a little squeeze.

"Yeah I got a lot out, but not all of it, made a real start though. I just couldn't go no further, not tonight. Gonna try again Wednesday, you know, if I feel like I can. Anyway, I gotta get to bed, I'm beat; just wanted to let you know. I'll see you tomorrow, k?"

"Sure Daryl, I hope you get a good night's sleep."

"Yeah, thanks Beth, you too."

* * *

When she woke at 1:00am it sounded like there was a demolition team in his house. She'd heard him plenty of times, but never anything like this, this was frightening. When she heard a very loud crash it scared her enough that she called Merle, and she hurriedly changed from her nightgown to sweats and tennis shoes.

When Merle's truck pulled up she ran out to give him the key to Daryl's. The nightmare noises had stopped, but she could still hear him over there. Now it sounded like he was awake and yelling at himself.

She knew she wouldn't fall back to sleep, she felt like she was on adrenaline overload. She was pacing the living room when 40 minutes later a knock came to her door. She put her hand to the knob, "Yes?"

"Yeah Beth, it's Merle." She quickly opened the door. He looked rough, like he'd had a terrible experience.

"Ya done the right thing ta call me Beth, it ain't so good. Daryl wants ya ta come see him. I see ya got yer shoes on, that's good, yer gonna need 'em. Ya need ta know it ain't pretty over there. Listen now, Daryl ain't gonna be able ta work for a couple days, so he'll be cleaning the place up after things settle down a little tonight. Any damage ta the structure or the furnishin's, well Daryl or me, we'll take care a that. I'm real sorry for the trouble."

She was in a near panic now, what in the world had happened? "Oh and here's yer key, I'll walk ya over there, then I'll get along home. And listen, if ya want him ta move out I get it, he can come back n stay with me n Carol. I'd understand Beth, so would he."

She tried to remain calm when Daryl opened the door but it was shocking. She saw why Merle made sure she was wearing shoes. The TV lay broken on the floor, there was a broken lamp, and it looked like someone had randomly picked up just about everything in the room and thrown it. Some of the furnishings were upended and there was a bloody hole in the drywall. She could see his hand was bandaged. God only knew what his room looked like.

He'd moved to the couch and he had his head in his hands. He was wearing just his flannel sleep pants and with the bandaged hand, the scars all over his body, and the downcast posture, he looked just like the broken man he always claimed to be.

She didn't say anything, she just sat next to him. He started to speak and his voice was rough and the tone despairing. She moved to put an arm around him but he pulled away, "No goddammit Beth, no. Don't you see? Don't you get it? I'm a fucked up mess and I'm dangerous, dangerous to myself, but that ain't the worst, I'm dangerous to you. You gotta keep away from me Beth, I can't be around a nice person like you, can't risk hurtin' you, n fuck, I can't move back in with Merle, I can't risk hurtin' them kids or Carol." And he began to weep. It was a quiet crying, but the tears were there.

"No Daryl. I'm not going to let you push me away. I've known from the minute I met you your life is a mess, but that isn't who you are, that's what happened to you. You'll never convince me you can't get better, that you're not worth caring about, because damn you I care about you and I'm not walking away. I'm not giving up on you and I'm not going to stand back and watch you give up on yourself." She had begun softly crying.

"I care about you too much Beth, I can't risk it."

"Oh yeah? Well I care about you too much not to risk it."

"Fuck, it's all a big fuckin' mess, I don't know what the hell to do with myself, or for myself. I wrecked the house, screwed up my hand. I scared you bad enough to wake up my brother in the middle of the night, scared the fuck outta him. What can I do? You think you got answers for me? Tell me, what the fuck can I do?"

"I don't have answers but I have a start, call your Doctor in the morning, go see him. Call Tom, talk to him. Go to the people who understand what it is you're going through, they want to help you and they can. But don't you dare push me away Daryl Dixon, don't you dare break my heart."

He looked at her for the first time since she'd gotten there, "I don't wanna give you up, but Beth, I gotta look out for you." That's when she put her arms around his neck, he didn't pull away, instead he put his arms around her and his forehead rested on her shoulder. They clung tightly to one another, both with silent tears.

They continued their embrace and she whispered, "We'll figure it out Daryl, we have to."

With his forehead still resting on her shoulder, he began, "I want to Beth, more than anythin'. Maybe the talkin' brought it all up to the surface again, only this nightmare was the worst ever. It was exactly like it all went down. I's sure I's there, it was real, they had me and Tommy Wayne tied up, they'd had us watchin' while they slowly killed the others in the most grisly ways a person can die. It took two days for them to kill eight of the finest people I've ever known. It was like they was enjoyin' humiliatin' 'em, torturin' 'em, causin' em the worst kinda pain before they died. Then they was comin' after Tommy Wayne, he was the only real close friend I ever had. I was tryin' to get outta them restraints, tryin' to get to Tommy Wayne, save him, and they done that to him, I can't tell ya what they done Beth, but it was way beyond horrible. I never thought a human could do sumthin' like that to another human. He was laying there dying n they was laughin' n they was spittin' on him. And somehow I finally busted outta that restraint n the last thing Tommy Wayne said was, 'go' and I did. Like a big fuckin' chicken shit I ran n I got outta there. I's the only one who didn't die on that mission, it started with twelve of us. Max n Ernie died right at the beginning, they was the lucky ones. I's the only one made it home. It ain't fuckin' right. I shoulda been able to save 'em or I shoulda died with 'em. After I ran, I's out there in that godforsaken sandbox for a few weeks, just survivin'. I's hidin' out, but it was like I's just usin' my skills, not really thinkin', I's out of it. Another group a Rangers rescued me, that's how I made it home."

She didn't know what to say, now her emotions were a mess. He'd just shared with her a huge part of his story. It was heartbreaking, it was horrifying. Seemingly, without him even thinking about it the story had just flowed from him. She knew she didn't have words to help him. She did the only thing she knew to do, she held him tighter.

**Daryl**

I couldn't believe it when I finally "came to". My hand was a throbbing bloody mess, the house was worse, and I felt like my body, my mind and my heart had all been hit by a Mac truck.

I was so goddamn pissed off at myself. I'm s'posed to be gettin' better. I'd told Tom a lot of what happened. I'd gotten to the part where we got captured, how they had us tied up, sittin' in that pile a rocks, waitin' our turn to die a miserable fuckin' death. 7,000 miles from home.

That beat me, and I just didn't feel like I could tell all the rest. We planned ta meet up again Wednesday n I's gonna try n go on with it. Yeah well, maybe I shoulda just got it out, cuz fuck, I dreamed it, but it wasn't a dream. It was so fuckin' real. The agony on the faces of my brothers. But they didn't cry out, they was so brave. I'll never forget Bill lookin' at that bastard who'd just cut his ears off n sayin' "Fuck you asshole." Damn, that was one tough sumbitch right there.

Now I went n told so much of it to Beth, I don't even know why the fuck I done that, it was like I just had to say it all the sudden. And Beth, well I knew she'd just listen, I knew she wouldn't judge me, wouldn't tell me everythin's alright. She's real people, she knows everythin' ain't alright. Everythin' is a long way from alright.

She never stops amazin' me that woman. I'd asked Merle to please get her, bring her over. I wanted to show her, I wanted to scare her away. She's too special, too sweet, she don't need me ruining her fuckin' life. But damn, the girl won't give up on me. And shit, I guess I ain't tough enough to walk away from her. I just can't, my heart is too full a feelin's for her. I need her.

So here we are again in my bed, her pretty head restin' on my back and her arm around me. And I know it ain't right, I oughta tell her to get the fuck outta here n never come back, but I can't, cuz there's no place else I want her to be but here, with me. I'm a selfish man.

xxxx

At 6:30a.m. they woke to a banging on the door. Daryl looked at her and groggily said, "Got to be Merle." They went to the door together. Merle looked surprised for just a moment, "Mornin', is everyone doin' alright?" Daryl opened the door wider to let his brother in.

"Sorry for the trouble Merle, it was the worst one yet. I's lucky to have you n Beth, real lucky, I know that."

"It ain't yer fault little brother. All we can do now is see ta fixin' up the mess, gettin' yer hand healed up, n tryin' ta figure out how we're gonna get ya helped." Merle always was and always would be a man who liked an order to things.

"Beth come up with a couple suggestions, n I think she's right. I'ma call the shrink this mornin', see if I can talk to him, n I'ma call the Vet I told you about, Tom, see if he has time to get together. When I ain't doin' that, I'ma clean this mess up. You think I could borrow your truck today, you take my bike? I'ma need to go to the hardware store, gonna need drywall n paint n shit."

"Yeah, no problem," and Merle tossed him the keys. Beth came in from the kitchen with coffees for everyone. They drank in silence. Merle in the chair, and Beth sitting next to Daryl. Merle didn't miss the way Daryl reached out to take her hand.

**Merle**

When Beth called in the middle a the night I knew it had ta be bad. Shit, she'd gone ta his place more'n once when he was havin' one a his nightmares. Her bein' scared ta do that told me for sure it was a shit storm.

Still, when I walked in the place I's shocked, maybe I wouldn't a been if it hadn't been my baby brother. But fuck, it was. The boy was cussin' hisself out, had tears, hand was bleedin' all over the fuckin' place, n shit the place looked like a goddamn cyclone went through it.

The hardest part was, there wasn't nuthin' I could do. Yeah sure, I doctored up his hand, but fuck, I can't make this go away for him. I can't help him get the hell outta his misery.

I wanted ta help with sumthin', so I offered ta help him clean the place up. I's hurt n proud all at once when he said nah, he needed ta do it his ownself.

He wanted me ta get Beth. He told me he was gonna tell her he didn't want nuthin' ta do with her anymore. Said he was doin' it for her cuz he didn't wanna hurt her. I got it, makes sense, but shit I know they're crazy about each other. I can tell just by watchin' 'em when they're together.

Me n Carol we like Beth a lot. She's been real good for baby brother, she's gotten him ta come outta his shell a little, do stuff, participate. Then I show up early in the mornin' n it's obvious she spent the night there. He's told me how they just lay in bed together, they don't do nuthin', he says they ain't ready for that, he's gotta get better first. That sounds smart and like the right thing. Not what I'd do, but still, smart and the right thing. Anyway, I seen him take her hand, that was real sweet.

I'm just hopin' ta God somehow this is a turnin' point, n I'm grateful the girl made him think ta call the doc n this Vet fella.

Damn, sumthin's gotta help, it's just gotta.

xxxx

She fixed them breakfast at her place and they ate in comfortable silence. Then he spoke, "I can make my phone calls as soon as it's eight. Then I'll go right to the hardware store n get everythin' I need n get the house right back the way it was, I promise Beth, and you know I'm real sorry."

"I'm not worried at all, remember I know you." Then she reached for his hand, "And please stop apologizing, you didn't mean to and I'm not upset about the things, they don't mean anything to me. You mean something to me."

He didn't know what to say so he just gave her that shy half smile, nodded and said, "Thanks Beth."

**Beth**

When I woke up to that noise I was so scared I thought my heart would freeze. I was so afraid for Daryl, so afraid he'd hurt himself. I just didn't know. I'm so grateful I had Merle's number, and that I'd gotten to know him a little so I felt comfortable calling.

And I'm so glad I stood my ground with Daryl, that I didn't let him push me away. Maybe I'm crazy to be so crazy about him. He's right, he is broken, but I can't give up on him. I can't. I care way too much. And I know what a wonderful man he is, that he's kind, goodhearted and he has so much love for the simple things in life, the things that matter. The way he loves those kids, the way he loves the outdoors, the way he loves music.

And I can't pretend that he isn't the most handsome and sexiest man I've ever known, but that's not what's important, that's just the icing on the cake.

When we hugged and cried he broke my heart with his story. I can't in my worst nightmare even imagine the hell that was, and I didn't even hear the whole story. I didn't hear the worst of it. I can't imagine the guilt of it all, being the only survivor. He has nothing to feel guilty for, but I do know about survivor's guilt. Certainly not on the level he must feel it, but enough to know it's real, it's painful and it can be debilitating.

And in all of that I didn't lose sight of the fact that again, he'd opened up to me, shared with me something profoundly personal. So although it was incredibly disturbing, and unbelievably sad, I feel blessed that he shared with me, that he trusts me that much.

I just pray that someone has the answer for him.

xxxx

He'd called his psychiatrist as soon as the clock struck eight. He told him the gist of what had happened the night before, and what had happened many times before that. He told him about the drinking just to get to sleep, about his anger and his outbursts, about the fear, about the pain. In other words, Daryl Dixon got honest. The doctor told him to come in at 11:00 am, and then the Doctor wanted Tom to come in at noon for a group consultation.

When he left she did something she'd neglected doing since her parents and Shawn had died, she prayed, prayed somehow he could be helped.

It was 2:30 by the time he got back. He was on his bike, so she knew he'd stopped to see Merle. He came right to her door.

The first thing he did, and she was caught completely by surprise, was he took her in his arms. He hugged her tightly, like he thought she might try to breakaway, his face pressed into her hair. After a few minutes he pulled back, "We gotta talk about sumthin' Beth, k?"

"Yes sure, we can go out on the porch, can I get you a beer or a sweet tea?" She was a nervous wreck now, and trying hard not to show it.

"Um, I'd have a beer, ain't gonna get to have any of those for a long time."

Oh no, what could that mean? She decided she'd better pour herself a glass of wine.

They were sitting on the porch, both silent. He was sipping his beer, so unlike the first time he'd had a beer on her porch. She was sipping on her wine, dying to know what was going on, afraid to know what was going on, and too smart to ask until he was ready to tell.

Finally he spoke, "So I's 100% honest with the Doc for the first time. I spilled everythin' about the way I've been livin' my life. I told him about the weeks a eatin' nuthin' but fast food, chips, n suckin' down beers. I told him about the anxiety, I told him how I yelled at you that night when you was so sweet n you played me your songs. I told him about the huntin' trip n how we was havin' so much fun, n then you tripped n I lost control. I told him about the dreams, how they'd been escalatin' n about last night. I told him a lotta other stuff too, guy stuff. Anyway, then Tom came. We talked about what I told him last night, then I told 'em both what I told you, but I filled in the gruesome parts, which I am never tellin' you Beth. The Doc damn near threw up, n we all got pretty shook."

He paused, got out a cigarette, lit it and took a long drag, followed by a hardy swallow of the beer. "Seems there might be some help for me, ain't gonna be easy, but that's okay, I don't care. I'm all in Beth, I gotta be. I want this. I need this. I got to get better." And now he looked in her eyes. "I hope you can understand what I gotta do," and he took in a deep breath. "There's a group a veterans up near D.C. It's a private thing, ain't part of the VA or any hospital or anythin' like that. But the Doc has been there, observed the program, n Tom has too. In fact Tom has done some work up there. The whole thing is run by Vets for Vets sufferin' with PTSD."

He asked for another beer and she got it for him, then he continued. "Couple a things about it is, I gotta pay for it myself, ain't covered by the VA. That's okay though, shit, I have lots a money in the bank. I made a lot in combat pay, and Merle pays me good, plus I hardly spend money, so that ain't a problem. The other thing is, I gotta be gone two months n I can't have no contact with anyone durin' that time, unless it's a fuckin' full blown life n death emergency. It's some kind of intense thing, shit, like Ranger training. They said it's gonna hurt real bad before it gets better. I'ma do it Beth. I gotta. But damn, I'ma miss ya bad, n I can't expect you to just hang around here wonderin' what I'm doin', if I'ma have my shit together when I do get back. I can't expect, I don't expect, but I just hope. I hope you'll wait for me so maybe we can try, if I get better an all, to get closer."

She put her hands to either side of his face and looked into his eyes,"Daryl I've been telling you for a while now, I'm not giving up on you. I want you to get better and I'm willing to do whatever I have to do to help you. I'm going to be right here when you get back, waiting." And with that, she leaned up and softly kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you, but it knocked the wind right out of me. I want to clarify that I made up the program in D.C. I have no idea if such a program exists. I hope one does. I also made up Daryl's story, based on bits and pieces of stories I've been told.


	8. Chapter 8

**Maggie**

Beth is the world's sweetest person, I can't decide if that's good or bad. Probably somewhere in the middle. It's just that she worries so much about other people sometimes she forgets to think about herself.

Anyway, she called me yesterday morning so excited about Daryl. She finally asked him to meet me and Glenn and he wants to. Glenn and I have heard plenty about Daryl. And I've heard plenty Glenn hasn't, like all about the sweet little sleepovers. Well the circumstances aren't so sweet, but the fact they seem to find a lot of comfort in each other is comforting to me.

She's told me before about Daryl's PTSD. Beth and I have both had our own struggles with it, Beth's by far the more serious case. The thing is, you don't just lose three of the most important people in your life one morning, and then you're fine the next morning. How can you not go a little sideways? I can't even comprehend how being in a war affects someone.

So I know he has problems, but she said he meets with a support group three times a week, and he has someone else he's talking to. I just felt like that was all good, he was working on it. You can't ask much more than that.

Then this morning she called me and she was so upset. She told me what had happened and it sounded scary and just plain awful. I feel terrible for Daryl but Bethie is the only family I have left, I'm most concerned about her and her safety.

Still, for Beth to be so crazy about him he must really be something special. She's never been very social, and she's sure never fallen head over heels for a guy. She dated the kid down the road when she was in high school, Jimmy was his name. It lasted a while, but I sure never got the idea it was some hot n heavy romance. Then she dated that guy Zach who worked at the feed store. I thought they made a cute couple, but after a few dates she said he just wasn't her type.

Since we lost Mama, Daddy and Shawn she hasn't even mentioned guys. Until Daryl.

He must be really special in spite of his troubles. Glenn and I are trying to approach the whole thing with open minds. We want to see Beth happy, if he makes her happy then we're good.

But I've been concerned about Beth lately, it seems like she's neglecting her own therapy and it's so important, she needs to stay concentrated on her recovery. She's so much better when that's what she's focused on, getting better. She's a lot better than she was but she still has a lot of work to do, she knows that. I know she does. She and I are going to have to have a little talk real soon.

Anyway, I'm anxious to meet Daryl, see who this guy is that my sister is so crazy about. Hopefully they can each work on their issues, everything will resolve itself and they can both be happy.

Boy, that sounds like pie in the sky, doesn't it?

xxxx

He hadn't expected her to kiss him but he wasn't complaining. He knew he must look stupid just standing there staring at her, and he wanted to say something meaningful. Damn, what does a guy say in a situation like this? And why did he always feel so awkward?

He took in a deep breath, "I'm tryin' real hard to figure out how to say what I'm feelin', but I just don't have the right words." Now he'd started to chew on that thumb and he was checking out his shoes. She gave him a smile and reached for his hand, waiting for him to find a way to say what he was thinking. Finally he told her, "I'd like to spend my time with you, you know, as much as I can, before I go."

She squeezed his hand, "That's what I want too."

"I ain't gotta leave until Monday mornin'. I'm not s'pose to take my own vehicle or get a ride from anyone. I guess it's part a provin', mostly to myself, how much I want help. So anyway, I'll be takin' a Greyhound Bus at 5:30 Monday morning. That gives us a few days."

She spoke softly, "I can call the shelter, tell them I can't work for the next few days, maybe we can spend some time in the woods and stuff, what do you think?"

He seemed to perk up at that, "That would be real nice, but do you think it's okay? I don't wanna take you away from your work." He'd feel a little guilty, but dammit, he wanted his time with her.

"It'll be fine, I'll make it up to them while you're gone. I'll pull some extra hours and give them a couple of Sunday mornings. They have a hard time finding any help for Sunday mornings."

**Daryl**

I can't hardly believe Beth just reached up and kissed me like that. I mean, it was an innocent kinda kiss, but still, we ain't ever kissed on the lips or anything. Not that I haven't wanted to. Shit, I've wanted to do that n a whole lot more, but it don't seem right. Don't seem like sumthin' we oughta be doin', not 'til I get my head screwed back on straight. Truth is, since the Sandbox I hadn't had any kind of interest in that stuff, didn't even think about it anymore.

It was like I didn't wanna let anyone that close, even if it was just a drunken hook-up. Beth changed that.

Yeah I wanna have that physical thing with her, but still, I'm tryin' to be a good man, do the right thing. It's important to me. Beth ain't just some hook-up, she's someone I care about, a lot. I wanna have sumthin' real with her. You know, where there's serious feelin's, you take care of each other, look out for each other, you share them feelin's, and yer thoughts, that stuff. I hope that can happen, and I'm thinkin' she wants it too. But I ain't bettin' on anythin'. And the deal is, this damn program has gotta work, gotta help me. I'll do whatever they tell me.

If it don't work I gotta move along. I'll move outta this place and just cut her loose. It'll be real hard, but it's only right. I care about her too much to let her strap herself to a broken man.

I have gotten better 'bout some things though. Like bein' able to sit on the porch with Beth and just talk 'bout everyday stuff, like regular people do. I remember when I first came to rent the place, I couldn't look at her, couldn't look at the place, n I couldn't even hardly talk.

I was so pissed off at Doc for tellin' Merle I needed to get out on my own, start takin' care a myself. I hated the bastard for that. I's mad at Merle too, but I didn't blame him. I knew he was just tryin' to do the right thing, hopin' I'd get better. I know he worries about me like I'm his kid. That used to bother me, you know, before I went in the Army n stuff. I was yer typical smart ass teenager when he'd tell me stuff, I'd be yellin' at him, "You're not my Dad!" But I always knew he was just tryin' to do right by me, raise me right. For a real long time Merle was the only person in the world who gave a fuck about me.

And I worry about Beth cuz she spends all her energy, well it seems like it anyway, worryin' about my fucked up self. I know she's hurtin'. I ain't missed it on her. She thinks I don't know, she thinks she hides it real good. But I ain't that easy to fool. I know she's got her pain. Shit, she's been through a real tough thing, it's been bad, them scars tell the truth. It scares me to think about it. Anyway, I'ma talk to her a little 'bout that before I go. I don't wanna tell her what to do, just like she don't tell me what I gotta do. I'ma try to be more like her, make it sound like a suggestion that she go back to therapy. I want us both to be at some kinda peace with what we been through.

Anyway, I'ma just try to relax the next few days. Have fun with Beth, visit with Merle, Carol and them kids, and try not to think too much about how much I'ma miss 'em all.

xxxx

"Even if I wanted to I can't shoot the damn bow with this hand, but at least I'ma carry it for you. I thought maybe you'd get us some squirrel for supper." He was serious, rubbing that patch of facial hair on his chin as they tried to be quiet walking through the trees.

"Well, uh, I am from Georgia, and I am a country girl, but I've never eaten a squirrel. I don't know, are you sure they're good to eat?" All he could think was, she's so fuckin' cute.

"Well heck yeah, they're real good and I'll tell ya what, my hand ain't so bad I can't clean 'em n cook 'em for you. If you can get two we'll have us a regular feast tonight." He was laughing now. That happened so rarely that when it did, she couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Okay, you're on. I'll show you Mister Dixon, I'll get you two squirrels and you cook them. If I hate them you're taking me out for Chinese."

"Fair enough. I'll eat squirrels n you can eat all them vegetables."

And the hell if she didn't get two.

Now he gave her a real smile, "Wasn't that long ago I thought I's never gonna be out in the woods again, now I'm just followin' you around n watchin' ya make me look bad. Damn girl, you got skills."

To her surprise she enjoyed the squirrel. It wouldn't be her go-to choice, but it wasn't bad at all. Of course, the fact that Daryl had cooked it for her, that's probably what made it taste better.

* * *

Thursday they went to the lake, threw in a couple of lines, went for a walk, picnicked on a blanket, and avoided talking about how much they both dreaded the idea of being apart.

They'd been invited to Merle and Carol's for dinner, and that helped get their minds off things. Daryl was busy in the backyard running off steam with the chaos, Merle was manning the grill, and Beth was helping Carol with the salad and mac and cheese. Carol lightly touched her arm, "I'm sorry Beth, I know you and Daryl have grown close, it's going to be tough on both of you, him being away and all. I do think it's for the best though, don't you?"

"Yeah, I'm happy he's going to do this for himself. It's going to be sad being away from him, but I'm just going to stay busy and focus on the fact that when he gets back things are going to be so much better. I don't want to see him suffer any more."

They had a casual dinner on the porch and then Merle asked his brother to come out to the garage with him for a few minutes. Beth figured it was going to be some kind of man to man talk, especially when the children tried to follow and Merle said, "Nah, now y'all got ta let Daddy take some time with yer Uncle Daryl, ya had lots a time with him 'fore dinner. Y'all go help Mama clean up that kitchen, we'll be back in 'fore ya know it."

**Merle**

Damn I hate ta see Little Brother leave. I told him it's hard on this old brother ta say g'bye to him again. Shit, I's the one drove him ta the recruiter's office the day he left for boot camp, I flew ta Germany the second time he was there, when they transported him from Iraq. That was fuckin' awful, seein' my little brother like that. And I made more trips ta that VA hospital in Atlanta than I could keep track of. This here is gonna be as hard too.

Feels like everythin's on the line this time around. Ya know what I mean? It's like this is the last chance for things ta get set right. I don't like ta be negative, give up hope n shit, but damn, it does feel like it's all ridin' on this DC deal.

Daryl knows I'd do anythin' for him, knows how much I want him ta get better, but I had ta tell him again. And I had ta tell him how proud I am a him for takin' this step. I know it's gonna be hard on him, n I know he don't wanna leave. He don't wanna leave us, hell he don't wanna leave work, but I got a strong feelin' he especially don't wanna leave Beth.

I'm real glad she's hangin' in there with him, n I'm glad he didn't run her off like he planned to. They can be good together, I feel it.

Seems like as much shit as they both been through, there'd be no damn hope left at all for either of 'em. But they both got a strength to 'em I don't think they know they got, they're bringin' that out in each other.

Anyway, it don't happen but once in a blue moon, Dixons just ain't that way, but I put my arm around Little Brother n I told him I loved him and that no matter what happens, I's always gonna be there, always. An I told him I'd be goin' by a couple times a week checkin' in on Beth, n we'd be invitin' her ta join us for Sunday dinners.

I don't recall that I ever have prayed, but I might have ta start.

xxxx

They got back to the little duplex and he took her arm, "Will you come to my house Beth? Let's have a drink."

They were sitting in the living room and although it still needed work, the furniture was all back in place and the glass and other debris was cleaned up off the floor.

He handed her a glass of wine, set his beer down on the coffee table, reached in his pocket and took out a roll of cash. "This here is my rent for the next two months."

"You don't have to pay the rent Daryl, I don't need it and you won't even be here." She smiled sweetly.

Now there was a time he'd a been all pissed off at her for saying something like that to him, thinking she was treating him like some kind of charity case. But now he understood, she was just being Beth, always so damn nice. "I know you don't need it, I figured out when I first moved in you must have some money. You don't work and you own this place. But I gotta pay it for me. As screwed up as I am, I still got my pride." She just nodded and put the money in her pocket.

They sat on the couch in a comfortable silence, and after a few minutes he took her hand. She knew by the way he was working that bottom lip he had something he wanted to say, and finally after a few minutes he did, "I ain't got no right ta ask ya this Beth, it's stupid, and shit, it's probably dangerous," he took in a deep breath. "Do you think you could stay here with me, you know, 'til I gotta leave Monday? I ain't tryin' to force nuthin', n I ain't gonna be mad if ya say no, but I just want you close. Gonna miss you layin' that pretty head on my back."

She felt the emotion swell in her, but she was determined to stay calm. "Yes, I'm going to miss laying my head on that strong back." He couldn't help but smile.

"K but here's the thing, you gotta get up the minute you hear me, you know what I'm talkin' about. You run to the bathroom n you lock the door, don't you come out 'til you hear me talkin' to you in a normal voice. Promise me Beth."

"I promise Daryl."

They went to her place and she packed a small overnight bag. He asked if she'd bring her guitar. "I sure do like listenin' to you sing girl, I don't care what it is, sumthin' about that sweet voice helps me feel peaceful."

They were lying in his bed, he'd rolled over and she scooted in next to him, she put her arm around his waist and laid her head on his back. He took that hand in his and brought it up to his lips, kissing it softly. She snuggled in as close as she could possibly get, and they slept.

** Beth **

I know I surprised him when I kissed him, but I just had to. I've wanted to for a long time. But that little kiss was really more about letting him know I care. I think that's important. I know he's insecure, I don't want him to think he's going away for two months and I'm going to just forget about him. I don't think I could ever just forget about Daryl.

I know it's crazy to want to stay the night with Daryl, after what happened the other night and everything, but I can't help myself, I do want to. I was going to ask him if I could, and then he took my hand and it was so sweet how he said it. I promised him I'll be careful, and I will. I've seen proof of what can happen, I know we've been lucky.

But gosh, when we lay in bed together it's like we're close in other ways besides just physically close. I can't really describe it, but it just seems so right, so comforting. I don't know what I'll do when he's gone, I'm going to miss having that closeness with him, and I'll miss the feel of his body. I can't deny that part. I've never wanted a man the way I want Daryl. There's no body pillow or teddy bear that's going to make up for him not being with me.

I'm praying so hard that the program works, that it helps. Then I hope Daryl really does want to move on to the next step with me.

I'd wait for Daryl for however long it takes.

xxxx

Maggie and Glenn arrived at exactly 5:30. Beth had to smile to herself, Maggie was usually running late, but obviously she was anxious to meet Daryl.

The introduction part went just fine, and when she and Maggie stepped in the kitchen to get everyone drinks, her sister leaned over and whispered in her ear, "Holy hot hunka man Bethie, I never would have guessed he'd be your type. Good for you." Beth swore she could feel her face catch fire.

Daryl and Glenn fell easily into a conversation about motorcycles, while Maggie and Beth got the pizzas in the oven, and had a whispered conversation about what Beth and Daryl had been up to all week.

Beth had made the pizzas herself. A meat lovers for Daryl and Glenn, and a barbeque chicken and veggies for her and Maggie. She almost fell off her chair when, after finishing his first slice, Daryl put his hand on hers, just for a moment, and said, "Damn Beth, I don't think there's anythin' you can't cook. Best pizza I ever ate, no kiddin'." And then he ate three more slices. She didn't miss the way her sister smiled.

After dinner Daryl asked if she'd sing, and she nodded, "Yeah, we could all sit out on the porch, oh, but my guitar, it's at your house." And she and Daryl both blushed now, while Glenn and Maggie tried hard not to smile.

Saturday morning Daryl told her he was going to finish up the painting, and she almost told him not to worry about it, but she caught herself. He was going to want to do this. "Alright I'll go eat pancakes and see you back here later."

She hadn't expected Maggie to be ready to lecture her. Okay, so it wasn't a lecture exactly. Maggie loved her, cared about her, she knew that. Maggie was the only family Beth had. But her sister was always a little bossy and since Mama and Daddy had died, she'd taken on both their roles.

Glenn was concentrating on those pancakes, hoping no one would notice he was in the room.

"I'm sorry Beth, I'm not trying to be mean to you, or pick on you, so quit acting like I am. I'm trying to make sure you don't slip down into that dark place again. What did you call it, your Deep Blue Funk? And you know what I'm talking about, you've been slacking. Just answer these questions for me, when was the last time you went to group? When was the last time you saw your doctor? When was the last time you wrote in your journal?"

"Okay, okay Maggie, I get your point. I just, well, I just haven't wanted to give it my time. I've wanted to save all my time for Daryl." And now she felt her cheeks turn red again.

"Sweetie, I understand that, believe me. But don't you want to get better? Daryl's committed himself to what sounds like a helluva tough program. Don't you want to make a commitment too? You've got time while he's gone, so there's really no excuse." Maggie was trying to be sweet about the whole thing. She put her arm around Beth and she saw a tear slide down her little sister's cheek.

"It's just that, we got to some real painful stuff in group, and the doctor asked me about it, and I just didn't want to have to face it." And she wrapped her arms around Maggie and began to cry.

Glenn stuck that plate of pancakes in the warming oven and went out to the garage.

* * *

She didn't get home until nearly three that afternoon. Daryl had started to get concerned, and when he saw her he was more concerned. He could tell she'd been crying, those pretty blue eyes were red and swollen.

He looked at her dead in the eye, and she glanced down. He'd been pretty sure she'd been having trouble, this proved it to him. He wasn't going to say anything, he wanted to give her the chance to talk to him.

He put a hand on her cheek, "Wanna go for a ride on the bike, maybe just up to the lake and chill for an hour or two?"

"Yes, please Daryl."

After their ride they stopped for burgers, and then headed back to the house. They drank some beers and wine, they watched a movie at her place, and she sang a few songs for him.

When they got in bed and she cuddled up next to him, lying that head on his back, he could tell that whatever it was, it was right there between them. When she wrapped her arm around him and put that hand on his stomach, he took it too his lips and he told her, "I'm right here girl, you got sumthin' weighin' on you, you know you can tell me about it."

"It's just life, sometimes it gets to be a little more than I can handle." Yep, he'd been afraid of this. He'd known she was hurting. "Maggie totally called me on it today, told me I have to work on myself, get back to my therapy, my doctor, my group, my journal. I knew she was right, but I just wanted to think I was better, that I didn't have to face all that painful stuff."

"I know about that Beth, I've wanted that in my life too, it just don't work like that. And I don't want you to hurt, I don't wanna be gone n be worried yer not okay."

"Oh my god Daryl, no, don't you worry, please, please. I promise, I'm going to the doctor and to group Monday. I'm going to work hard. While you're working hard, I will be too, we're both going to be so much better in two months."

* * *

Sunday they had dinner at Merle's. It was tough for Daryl to say goodbye to Carol and the kids, but they'd all gotten through it. Merle would be taking him to the bus station in the morning, that would be a rough one.

Tonight, damn, this was his last night with Beth for two months. He could feel the anxiety start to build, and he was trying hard to keep it under control.

They got back to the house, had a couple of drinks and got in bed. But tonight was different. He had his back to her, she had her pretty head on that back, and she put an arm around him. That's when he rolled over and faced her, he started to kiss her and his hand moved to her low back, he pulled her closer. They were getting lost in each other when he pulled back. "Damn Beth, I want you, I have wanted you, but we gotta wait, I gotta wait,'til I'm better, and shit, you gotta get better too." And they both knew it was true.

They spent that last night together just hanging on tight.


	9. Chapter 9

It had been so hard to say goodbye that Monday morning. They were fighting their emotions determined not to let tears come. Neither wanted to burden the other with sadness, they were trying to look at this separation as a positive thing. It was going to lead to a better future for them both, individually and together.

When they heard Merle's truck pull up at 4:45 am Daryl pursed his lips, took her hand and they walked out to meet him at the curb. Daryl had his Army ACU Backpack filled with what little he was taking. He'd told her he didn't think he'd need much.

Merle put an arm around Beth and told her as cheerfully as he could, "I'll drop by n see ya after work today. Sunday I'll come by for ya 'bout 11. Carol, the kids n me, we all want ya takin' Sunday dinners with us. I'll be by regular, and anytime ya need anythin' ya just call Ol' Merle. Sound alright?"

Now those tears really wanted to flow but she was determined not to let them. "Yes that sounds nice, thank you Merle." He grabbed Daryl's bag putting on a show of taking it to the truck, giving them one last chance to say goodbye.

Daryl put his arms around her holding her so tight it was almost difficult for her to get her breath. He kissed her like he had the night before, "I hate goodbyes, n I damn sure don't wanna say goodbye to you, I know you know that. I'ma make this work, I am. Hopin' you'll want me when I get home."

"You know I'll be right here." And this time she initiated the kiss.

"I'ma try to earn that Beth, make you happy you waited."

And with that he got in the truck, waved one last goodbye and looked straight ahead.

She went back to his room, back to his bed. She hugged his pillow close to her trying hard to pretend he was still there. All those tears she hadn't let herself cry came out in a flood. She kept telling herself that him going was a good thing and her mind agreed 100%, it was her heart that was breaking.

He was scared if he looked at her one more time he'd say "Fuck it" jump right out of that truck and he'd never get better. He'd told her he was going to work hard, he was going to get better, and that's what he needed to do, keep that promise to her and to himself.

"I ain't gonna say this isn't a big deal Little Brother cuz that ain't true, this here is a real big deal. But I want ya ta try n think about this, you was in boot camp three months n this here is only two months, that ain't really long at all." Merle was looking for some way to help his brother feel better about leaving.

"I know an you're right it ain't that long, but damn I don't wanna leave y'all. That's the part I'm fightin' with myself about. And goddamn Merle, I feel like I never done anythin' as important as this, or anythin' where if it don't work out right everythin' else in my life is goin' to shit for good. And there's Beth, it's like we were just gettin' somewhere with each other, and now I gotta leave her. Why Brother? I'll tell you why, cuz I'm a complete fucked up mess." Merle could see his brother's emotions were all over the place.

"No Little Brother, now that ain't true. If you was a complete fucked up mess ya wouldn't be so determined ta help yerself. You'd just say bullshit on all of it n keep livin' the way ya was, except you'd probably end up drinkin' more n doin' drugs. Yer doin' this just right, you'll get rewarded for that I know ya will. Doncha worry 'bout Beth. She's a good girl n a strong one, me n Carol ya know we'll be lookin' out for her, I'm sure her own kin will too. An the Chaos, well shit I think ya know the minute ya get back them kids are gonna wear yer ass out. Damn son I know it's hard, but I don't want ya ta worry 'bout nuthin' else these next two months except yerself, the rest of us we'll get along."

Daryl just nodded his head choked out a "Thanks Merle," and chewed on that thumb.

They shook hands firmly as the bus began to load on passengers. Merle surprised him when he reached one arm around his shoulders and brought him in for a strong hug. "Ya got this kid, yer tough and yer brave. I'll be right back here ta pick ya up before ya know it."

She had her first appointment at 10:00am and knew she was in for an emotional avalanche. As much as she dreaded it she wasn't going to make up any excuses not to go. She'd promised Maggie, she'd promised Daryl, and most of all she'd promised herself. It was like she told Daryl, sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish and put yourself first. That's what she planned to do these next two months, put Beth and her recovery first.

It wasn't just her therapy she planned on doing; she knew staying busy was the best way to make time pass quickly. And she wasn't going to stay home alone and play guitar, she knew she needed to be around other people, interact. Honestly, she'd been acting like some kind of recluse. She either spent her time alone, or with Daryl or Maggie and Glenn. Even at work she just hung out with animals at the shelter. It seemed she'd been staying away from people for a long time.

She checked with the local veteran's center and she would be doing volunteer work there, she'd still be working at the shelter, and she'd also volunteered at the senior center. Between those things, therapy, her lunches with Maggie, pancakes with Maggie and Glenn, and Sunday afternoons with Daryl's family she was going to be a busy girl. But it would still leave her plenty of time every evening to do her journaling.

Sometimes she was sure that journal was the best thing she did for herself. She felt like it was easier to get real honest with that blank paper, dig deep in her heart and write down things she couldn't quite bring herself to say out loud. It was strange really, once she'd written those things down it was like they lost a little bit of their power, and then she could bring them to the group or to her doctor.

She'd let herself forget how much better she felt when she shared with others who got it, who'd had similar traumas and could relate to her feelings, her fears and her tendency to want to "hide" from the world.

This was going to help, it had to.

He was in for a 14 ½ hour bus ride he wasn't particularly looking forward to. Beth had insisted he take her Ipod which she'd loaded up with classic country songs, Merle had given him a couple of Motorcycle magazines and he had his journal. He also had a nice lunch she'd packed him and a letter from her he found in the Ipod case. Well just a note really. He'd only been gone an hour and he was sure he'd read that note a hundred times already, it simply said, "Daryl, I'm never giving up on you. I'll be here waiting no matter how long it takes. Beth." Yeah he was gonna earn that, he had to.

Her therapy was going well but this week had been fierce. Each day she'd tried to come up with a good reason not to go. Dredging up those feelings was like going through the loss all over again. But she knew this was something she had to do. Until she faced the loss, the hurt, and the overwhelming grief and anger, it was going to be running her life.

She had so much going on that the days passed more quickly than she could have hoped for, it was the nights that were so long and so lonely.

She knew for sure she was creepy, heck she'd admitted that to herself weeks ago. But just because she admitted it to herself didn't mean she'd ever want anyone else to find out. She'd taken Daryl's pillow and a flannel shirt of his to her house. She slept with them every night, it helped just a little having these things of his close.

Shit, you could tell these folks were all Vets they ran the damn place like it was boot camp. Everyone was up and at 'em at 5am. It was thirty minutes of exercise, followed by 15 minutes of meditation, shower up and get your bunk and your gear squared away, then breakfast at 6:30. There was no fancy meal service, it was chow lines and clear up after yourself.

Tom and the doctor had told him the therapy would be brutal but they'd understated it.

Right after breakfast he went to Cognitive Processing Therapy. It was designed to help him learn new ways of handling his disturbing thoughts of what had happened to him in Iraq, and by using the skills he learned in therapy he would learn why recovery from the traumatic events had been hard for him.

And CPT was going to help him learn how going through the trauma had changed the way he looked at the world, at himself, and at others. He learned that sometimes we get stuck in our thoughts, that it's important to pay attention to those thoughts about the trauma and how they make you feel, and how they affect you right now.

Although the pain sucked he felt like he'd made progress after the first long session.

That went on from 7:30 to 9:30 then he got a half hour of free time. He used that time to lie on his bunk, listen to music, and re read the note from Beth. He swore that little piece of paper was getting soft as cloth from being handled so much.

At 10:00 most everyone else went to the gym, but not Daryl and five other guys.

The day after he'd arrived, his first full day there, they'd interviewed him extensively about his life. Not just his army experiences, his whole life. As soon as it became known he'd been physically abused, and that as a young boy he'd come home to find his house burned down and his mother dead, that was it - he was in additional therapy for Early Childhood Trauma. He'd tried to protest but they were insistent. If he wanted to stay and receive help for his PTSD, he'd have to receive help for all of it.

The old Sargent had put it to him straight, "What do you think? You think you don't have PTSD from getting your ass kicked regularly by your old man? By watching your Mother and your brother get their asses kicked? Knowing your Mama probably died from her own hand? Nah kid, you have more issues than you wanna deal with and I get it, but if you don't deal with all that old nastiness ain't no way you're ever gonna really recover from what came next."

And Daryl knew the old boy was right, but damn, talk about dredging up feelings and pain.

It was in his second week of that therapy that he finally realized what had happened all those years ago. He told the story of how the beatings had escalated after his brother had joined the army. How he often hid out in the woods rather than go home and take the chance of being beaten. How when Merle did come home from the army and saw his black eyes, he was lucky that Merle took him to live with him. How shortly after that his Dad turned up murdered.

A Vet sitting across the circle from him nodded and remarked, "That's some brother you got man. Shit when your brother offs your Dad for beating on you, that's real deal brotherly love. You're lucky Dixon, wish I woulda had a brother to kill that son of a bitch who was always beating on me."

Daryl was caught completely by surprise not just by what the other Vet had said, but by the fact he hadn't caught on sooner. How could he not have figured out what Merle had done? Well that was part of what he'd learned in therapy, the mind is an interesting thing. Sometimes even when it knows it doesn't know.

All Daryl responded was, "I ain't gonna talk about it." And the therapist didn't push it but he knew in private he would be talking to Dixon about his feelings, and how he was dealing with the sudden realization his brother had very likely killed his father.

After his therapy for childhood trauma he had a two hour break for lunch, rest and meditation. He'd never considered doing meditation, hadn't even known for sure what the hell it was, but he found he liked it. It helped calm his mind, helped him relax. He also found it was a good time to think about the positive things in his life. He'd been focusing on the negative for so long he found he enjoyed thinking about the good things.

It was also a time he liked to journal. That was another thing he never would have thought he'd care for, it seemed like something girls did like keeping a diary. But he'd discovered that wasn't it at all.

He was a guy who'd always had a lot of trouble communicating. He found when he wrote things down first it was easier to express his thoughts and feelings verbally.

After that he had an hour of extreme physical conditioning. He could have gone easier, taken swimming or free weights, but he wanted to get in the shape he'd been in back in Ranger school, and he liked the physical exertion of doing it all – swimming, running, climbing, weight lifting, obstacle courses. It gave him a sense of freedom and euphoria.

Then it was two hours of Prolonged Exposure Therapy and that was the hardest part of his day. The basis of it was repeated exposure to the thoughts, feelings, and situations that had affected him. It was meant to reduce the power those things had to cause him distress. That sounded easy enough. But telling his story over and over again to the therapist, repeating over and over what had happened in those three days in Iraq. How each man had died, all of it. It was agony, shit he'd spent so much time trying not to think about those things.

What amazed him was he found that he'd begun to fully recall what he'd been through those many days he was out in the desert before his rescue. He knew what he'd done to survive and even though it was upsetting he was proud of himself for being so resourceful.

The therapist had explained it to him, talking through the trauma over and over would help him get more control of his thoughts and feelings about that trauma. He'd learn he didn't have to be afraid of his memories.

After all of that intensity it was time for chow again and an hour to recover his wits with some meditation or journaling, and for him it meant reading her note a few more times. Then it was group.

**Beth**

It's been six weeks today. I can't really believe it. I miss Daryl so much. I just want to touch him, lay my head on his strong back, and I want him to hold me.

I know it's supposed to be for the best, but the fact that we can't talk or even write letters has been so hard. He gets to call home for 15 minutes once a week on Sunday afternoons. I should be grateful that Merle always makes sure I'm there. I am grateful but it's just that, well it's not like it's just me and Daryl talking. Everyone wants their chance to talk, Merle, Carol and the kids. We all want a turn. I shouldn't complain though and he will be home soon.

I have to admit, the first couple of times I met Merle I was intimidated. He's big and he looks so rough and badass, like he'd just as soon kill you as look at you. But what I've found out about him is he's really a big sweetheart.

He's been so thoughtful stopping by after work to just make sure I'm okay, that no one's been bothering me, and that I have everything I need. He's even offered to cut the grass or anything else I might need done around the house. It's so sweet, but also kind of funny. I wonder how he figures I got by before he and Daryl came into my life.

Every Sunday he comes to pick me up. I told him I have a car and I could drive myself, but he insists. He's very old-fashioned in a very charming way. And I love watching him with Carol and the kids. It's obvious how much he loves them.

I've worked so hard on my therapy. Oh my god, those first two weeks after Daryl left I thought I'd never get out of pain. I had to talk and talk to my doctor about what had happened to Mama, Daddy and Shawn. I wanted to yell, "How many times do I have to tell this story!" But the weird thing is after you tell it a thousand or so times, it's like it does lose its power. Not its sadness, I'll always be sad about them being gone and I'll always miss them. But it's like I've been forced to face the truth and I've accepted it, they're gone, they're not coming back. I have to grieve for them and then continue to live, for me.

Anyway, I feel a new sense of confidence, like I'm a whole person. I know I'll always need to keep journaling, and I intend to continue going to group for a long time, but gosh it's kind of like the weight of the world has been lifted off my mind and my heart.

Now I just need Daryl to come home.

**Merle**

I never really got what folks mean when they say they was feeling happy and sad about sumthin' at the same time. Then I watched Baby Brother get on the bus.

My fuckin' heart was broke. I'm sick n tired a sendin' Daryl off, of him havin' ta leave home. That was the sad part.

On the other hand, I was just so damn relieved he was gettin' help. I guess that was the happy part.

The good news is it sounds ta me, just by the quick phone calls, that he's better. He sounds kinda self-confident n all. Doesn't sound so damn down and hatin' on himself.

And I'm feelin' real good that Daryl's got him a nice girl. Beth is true blue, I can tell. She may not know it yet, and I'm sure Daryl don't know it yet, but she's in love with Little Brother. It's clear as day ta me n Carol.

I can't help but think of him as my boy, and I want my boy home. Just two more weeks.

**Daryl**

I can't believe how much my life has changed in the past six weeks, how much I've changed. Like I said, it's been some brutal shit, there was times I was ready to jump that wall and walk the fuck away. But I didn't and I'm damn glad I didn't.

I can't even count how many times my Prolonged Exposure Therapist made me tell him the story of what had happened in Iraq over those three days. Jesus I didn't want to, but I did it, and what's amazin' to me about that is, how I went for so long refusing to tell anyone anythin', then I told Tom part of it, then I told Beth part of it. Then I told the VA Doc and Tom all of it.

You know what? Beth was right a long time ago when she told me I'd feel better if I told my story to someone. The girl was right.

Don't get me wrong, it didn't go away, you know the pain and the fuckin' horror of what happened, but it's a kind of freedom to not be carryin' all that around like a dark sinister secret anymore.

I'll never get over losin' the guys, especially Tommy Wayne. But fuck, it's real, they're gone. Now though I think about 'em and I'm so damn proud I got the privilege of knowing such brave and honorable men. I'll never forget any of 'em, the toughest sons a bitches God ever made.

And with all the therapy I came to realize there was nuthin' I coulda done, no way I coulda saved 'em. The other Vets here, well they really chewed my ass up over that, accused me a havin' the world's biggest ego thinkin' I was tough enough I could break free n save nine other guys. They made me see, it was a fuckin' miracle I escaped and the other guys would all be proud a me for that. They'd be happy one of us got away.

I spent a lotta time thinkin' and talkin' to the therapist about what I'm pretty sure Merle done. I ain't mad at or disappointed in Merle in any way. I know why he done it. The old man was the worst kinda son of a bitch. He ruined Mama's life. He'd driven her into that wine bottle n she'd gotten drunk that day, lit the cigarette and that was the end of her and the crappy little house we lived in. The old man drew pleasure from his meanness. He'd beaten the shit out of her, he'd beaten the shit out of Merle and as many times as I got the shit beat outta me, it didn't even come close to the beatings Merle and Mama took for me. And when Merle come home from the army and seen me all battered, I know that's when he made up his mind, he wasn't losin' no one else to that bastard. I understand. Merle's looked out for me my whole life. I ain't ever bringin' it up to him, he done what he done and if the roles were reversed, I'd like to think I had the balls to save him. Merle's the closest thing I ever had to a Dad.

And Beth, damn I give her so much a the credit for me gettin' better. She ain't the one who got me better, but it was her who kept gently showin' me the way. It was how she cared about me, how she encouraged me, how she wouldn't just sit back when I got down on myself, she'd get right back up in my face about it. Can you imagine a little thing like her gettin' so sassy with a big crazy asshole like I was? That girl is one tough woman, and I can't wait to hold her n tell her just how much I care.

I'll be home in two weeks, and I feel like I'll be ready. Oh I'll always be in therapy, and I plan to reach out to other Vets who are hurtin'. I wanna give back what I been given.

I ain't a 100%, but damn I ain't broken either.

And shit, I ain't had a nightmare now in three weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The types of therapies mentioned are real, but descriptions are very brief. As Always, I am not an expert in PTSD. I do know there are many different symptoms, and no two people are the same. It's my intent to respect those who suffer, but please keep in mind, this is a work of fiction.


	10. Chapter 10

He'd looked forward to this moment for eight weeks. He thought it would be the happiest day of his life walking through that gate, but if he was being honest he was a little anxious.

Living there at the treatment center had been its own kind of freedom. Regimented, yes, painful, yes, but he was with his "people." They got him, even if they didn't know him they understood him, they weren't shocked by his behaviors or his stories, they didn't avoid him like he was some random crazy bastard.

Now he had to go back into that "real" world, the world where people didn't want to know about ugly and painful realities. Didn't want to know about wounded warriors and damaged psyches. Where no matter what ungodly horrors you'd been through you were expected to act happy, smile and fit right in. It was going to be another adjustment.

But for the first time in his life he was proud. He was proud of himself for going into this program and sticking with it, no matter how painful it had gotten and no matter how much he wanted to be anywhere else. And he was proud of his service, proud of his fellow Vets, and proud of his country.

As uneasy as he was he knew he wanted to be with his family, his brother, sister in law, niece and nephew, and her. He missed Beth even more than he'd thought he would. As much as he didn't think he cared for talking, he missed their porch talks and their bedroom talks. He missed her sweet voice singing to him, he missed her kindness, he missed the way she always encouraged him, never let him getaway with being down on himself, he missed her pretty face. And he missed that little arm wrapped around him at night and the feel of her soft hair on his back. He missed Beth.

He thought a lot about the kissing they'd done that night before he'd left. He'd just gone for it, he'd followed his heart, and she'd been receptive, she'd welcomed him and his attentions. These past eight weeks he'd taken a lot of comfort in thinking about that kissing, and he'd taken comfort in that little note she'd given him.

Now he just wanted to get back to her, he wanted to see if they could make this thing stick, if he really could have something with her. Because he couldn't think of anything he wanted more than to have something with Beth.

Sometimes when he was laying in that lonely bunk at night, he'd think about that old Bob Dylan song. Shit, Tommy Wayne loved that damn song, he drove everyone crazy he played it so much. Now Daryl found that one verse kept popping up in his head. It made him think of the way things were between her and him.

Suddenly I turned around and she was standin' there

With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair

She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns

Come in, she said

I'll give ya shelter from the storm

* * *

He stepped onto that Greyhound, found a seat in the back, and got ready for a very long ride. He'd be getting back to the bus station at 5:00am Sunday morning. He'd called Merle before he left treatment and his brother would be there to pick him up. He always could count on Merle, he realized that now more than ever. He felt like he understood his brother better, and he was anxious to see him again. He didn't want to question him about it, didn't want to confront him, he never would. He just wanted to see the one person in this world that cared about him enough that he'd kill for him.

And Merle was there waiting when he stepped off that bus. They embraced quickly and immediately broke apart, "I missed ya son, an damn ya look good. Let's get us a cup a coffee, do a little catchin' up."

* * *

Merle dropped him off at home at seven. He'd promised to be at his brother's house for Sunday dinner at 11, and he'd also promised he'd bring Beth.

Beth was waiting there on the porch. She stood the minute she saw that truck coming and she looked even prettier than he remembered. All sweetness and light. Pale skin, big blue eyes, blond curls all falling down from that ponytail that never was quite straight. She was without a doubt the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

His brother looked to him and said, "Go ta yer girl son, she's been waitin' for ya." And he smiled that big old Merle smile and drove away.

He moved quickly up the walkway and onto that front porch, threw the backpack down, threw his arms around her and they held tight to each other, not speaking a word, just taking comfort.

Finally he pulled back, put his hands in that pretty blond hair and kissed her like a man in need, and she returned that kiss and that need.

He stood back just a bit, hands still in her hair, "Damn girl I missed ya so much. It's so good to get home to you."

"I missed you, I've missed our days and I've missed our nights." She moved her arms around his waist, pressed her face into his chest and hugged him tightly. She had tears in her eyes, but they were happy tears, relieved tears.

He put a hand to her elbow, kissed her on top of her head, "We should probably go inside Beth, the neighbors are gonna be talkin'." They softly laughed and stepped inside.

He reached in his pocket, pulled out the worn piece of paper and held it out to her. "You don't know how much this meant to me, how it helped get me through. I've worn it out readin' it, runnin' my fingers over it, the words are all faded to nuthin'. You need to write me a new one."

She couldn't believe it, she'd wanted him to know she'd be there, but she hadn't realized her small gesture would mean so much to him. She could feel her eyes were moist, but she fought it. She didn't want this reunion to be about tears. "I would have done anything to make that time easier for you, I'm glad the note helped. I'll be happy to write a new one, and lots of others."

They stood hugging in silence. It felt so good just to be together, just to feel each other. Daryl marveled at how much he wanted to hold her, have her hold him. Shit he'd hated the idea of people touching him, but he wanted to hold her and never let go, and he sure didn't want her letting go of him.

They sat on her couch and she asked him, "Do you want to talk about it Daryl?"

"I do, I wanna share that with you and I wanna hear all about your deal too. But I wanna wait 'til later when we get back from Merle's. Right now I got sumthin' else I wanna do. I wanna just sit here with a pretty woman I know, with my arm around her and her head on my shoulder. I wanna close my eyes and think about how damn happy I am to be back home."

And that's what they did.

* * *

They pulled up in front of Merle's just before 11. She had that cookie tin in her hands and he smiled, "What kind you got this time?"

"Frosted sugar cookies, and yes, I have plenty for you at home," she smiled that smile he'd missed so much.

"That's real good, otherwise the Chaos was gonna find out theirs turned up missin'."

He gave one hard knock on the door opened it and yelled, "I'm lookin' for chaos!" And Sophia and James came running. They were hanging off of him and he was bent down hugging on them. He just had time to give Carol one quick hug, and just that fast, Daryl and those kids were out in the backyard running around like they'd never been apart.

Merle looked at her, tried not to smile, and shook his head, "Some things never change Sis. So how ya doin'? Everythin' go okay with y'all this mornin'?"

"Perfect Merle, it's just so good to see him again. And I can see the difference, he's so much more calm and he seems happy. That makes me happy."

He put an arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick hug, "Ya know Sis maybe ya ain't seen it in yerself, but yer better too. Ya both been workin' hard at this thing. It's all payin' off."

He smiled down at her, "Let's get on in the kitchen, see if we can't drag Carol out ta the porch ta watch all three a them kids."

* * *

**Beth**

I felt like every nerve ending in my body was tingling when I saw Merle's truck come around the corner, bringing Daryl home.

I'd missed him so much, there were so many times I just wanted to hug him and I knew I couldn't.

When he walked up on the porch I knew the waiting had all been worth it. The waiting, the therapy, the loneliness, all of it, because this man on my front porch had a whole new air of confidence. The way he looked right at me, didn't look away at all, and then when he threw his pack down and kissed me like that, well I knew for sure. I'd wait for Daryl Dixon forever just to be kissed and held like that one time.

Merle and Carol surprised Daryl and I both by inviting Maggie and Glenn to Sunday dinner. All of us being together like that, it was so wonderful, it was family.

I know our healing journey isn't complete but I just feel so positive about everything. For the first time in a long time I feel like my life is on track, that I can be happy and that I deserve to be happy.

I tried to fight my feelings for him for a long time, I didn't think we had a chance, I thought we were both just too messed up. I know now, I can't deny it and I'm not even trying to fight it anymore, I'm in love with Daryl. And now I think Daryl and I really can make this work. Well we can make it work if he falls in love with me. I don't know if that will happen, but I'm praying it does.

* * *

They got back to the little duplex and he asked her to come to his place. He opened the wine and poured her a glass, cracked a beer for himself and smiled, "Shit Beth I'll probably be drunker than a skunk after one, ain't had a beer in eight long weeks."

She smiled and laughed softly, "Well I had one glass of wine with Maggie at lunch on her birthday, that's been it for me. Did you want to sit on the porch so you can smoke?"

"I guess you ain't noticed, I don't smoke anymore. Quit about a week into treatment. I was doin' Ranger trainin' and I couldn't keep up with that and keep smokin'."

She smiled a demure little smile, "I thought you just hadn't had a chance to have one yet today. But I did notice the results of the Ranger training." Her cheeks were pink and his neck had flushed right up.

He took her hand and they went to the couch, "Tell me what you been doin' while I been gone Beth. I'm wantin' to hear it all, your therapy, your volunteerin', hell I even wanna hear about your lunches with Maggie, and Glenn's pancakes. I missed hearin' your voice, I wanna listen to every story you got." He took a swallow of the beer, smiled that little crooked smile at her and he looked right in her eyes. That was maybe the biggest change she'd noticed this first day, the way he didn't look down anymore.

* * *

**Daryl**

Her voice is soothin' to me, I noticed that the first time I ever heard her speak. Its sweet, doesn't have a bit of meanness to it. Oh I know she can get riled up, but she ain't mean. And I do wanna know what she was up to while I was gone. I wanna feel like I'm caught up with her life. I was used to seein' her every day, then shit I couldn't even really talk to her for eight weeks.

I knew I was gonna miss her, that it'd be hard to be away from her, but damn it was a whole lot worse than I ever thought it could be. Now that I'm back here with her, I don't wanna ever be away from her again.

I got all these feelin's for Beth, I know I want her, know I don't wanna be without her, but I ain't sure if that's love. It's almost like a longin', like I know I need her, I wanna make her happy and do for her, I wanna protect her, all of it. I never been in love, don't know the first thing about bein' in love. I just know I want her in every way a man can want a woman.

And I wanna finally be happy, for the first time in my life I feel like I deserve that, happiness. I never used to think I was worthy a bein' loved, or that I deserved to have a good life, deserved to find my happiness. I've learned better, I can't keep payin' for things I couldn't and can't control, I gotta keep remindin' myself a that.

I want my happiness, and I want it with Beth.

* * *

"Man, you been crazy busy Beth, and your therapy sounds intense. I know it hurt but I think it pays off, don't you?"

"Oh I do, there were so many days I didn't want to do it, but I'm so glad I did Daryl. I feel so much better, more settled, more at peace." She looked at him and he nodded.

"Now you tell me, tell me all about your treatment, what your days were like. I want to know what you've been doing for eight weeks." She looked in his eyes and he looked back. Then he told her.

After he'd told his story they sat in silence, both thinking about all they'd been through.

She spoke first, "That's so powerful Daryl, I never could have done that, you're so strong."

"You're strong Beth, you don't see that in yourself, but I see it."

Then he smiled, and asked, "When did Merle start callin' ya Sis?"

And she smiled back, "It was a couple of weeks after you left, I didn't think too much about it at first, I mean you know, you're a southern man, lots of southern men call younger women Sis. But I did start to think it meant more to him than that. Does it bother you?"

"Nah, I like it Beth. I'ma come up with a name to call you, I can't be lettin' Merle outdo me."

* * *

** Merle **

Damn it was good to see Little Brother, and he was lookin' good, strong and healthy like in his Ranger days. And what a difference it was him standin' straight with his shoulders squared, an lookin' me in right in the eye.

An like Beth said, he was calm.

When I pulled up ta his place I almost started ta laugh, I could see how excited they both was. She was sittin' there waitin' on him, and he was gnawin' at the bit ta get outta my truck. Yeah, they're in love them two, now they just gotta figure it out.

When they come ta the house it was like he hadn't been gone at all, them kids was all over him an he was all over them, just runnin' around like maniacs out in the yard.

Sis she's real patient with him, she don't get not one bit mad over him runnin' off with them kids, she just watches n smiles.

She's a real sweet girl, a real good girl, I don't think Little Brother can do better than her.

I liked her sister and brother in law too, they seem like real nice folks. I saw how her sister is with her, she's protective, just like I am with Daryl.

I'm just so fuckin' happy the boy is home, maybe now we can all start livin' again. Ya know?

* * *

It had been a long day, they were both exhausted, yawning, but it was like they didn't want to give it up. Finally he said what they'd both been thinking, "Would you stay with me Beth, please?"

She gave him a tired smile, "Yes."

He walked her to her place and waited while she brushed her teeth and put her pajamas on. Then they walked back to his house.

He got in the bed, but he didn't turn his back to her. He put an arm out and she settled her head on his shoulder. "This is what I been waitin' for girl." He kissed her slow and easy. It was sexy and romantic, but not demanding. Then he wrapped that other arm around her and pulled her close.

"Merle don't want me to come to work this week, said I should take some time an get used to bein' back. So I'm thinkin' it's time for me to do sumthin' I ain't done since before I went overseas. I wanna go campin', spend a couple nights out in the woods. Would you go with me?"

What he didn't know was she'd go anywhere he wanted her to go, all he had to do was ask, "That sounds like a lot of fun Daryl, yeah I'd love that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song credit, which I do not own any part of but surely wish I did: Bob Dylan, Shelter from the Storm.


	11. Chapter 11

Before, when Daryl went camping by himself, he'd take a bedroll a couple of cans of beans and peaches, his toothbrush and an extra pair of socks. He'd plan on eating peaches for breakfast, and for supper a rabbit or squirrel with those beans, no problem. He wouldn't be worrying about creature comforts.

But he wasn't going by himself this time, he was taking Beth with him and he was going to make this more about her and less about him.

He was so damn anxious to restart his life. It seemed like so long since he'd really been living at all. He wanted to try and catch up on what he'd missed. He wanted to start enjoying life again, and he wanted to start enjoying life with her.

So he'd called Merle first thing Monday morning and asked if he still had his camping gear. He scored a two man tent, sleeping bags, a big cooler, a small camp stove, and a couple of beat up frying pans. He went to the sporting goods store and got a couple of camp chairs and a small collapsible table. That ought to do.

Next stop was his counseling session with a new therapist. He'd still be seeing Doc once a week, but the Doctor also wanted him to go to counseling with a Vet who'd become a licensed therapist. This first session seemed mostly about him and this new therapist getting to know each other. The guy had Daryl's chart, and Daryl had been given the guy's professional bio, but that's not quite the same as face to face. So they spent the time familiarizing themselves with one another, and Daryl liked the guy, a Desert Storm vet named Rob.

From there he met Tom for lunch, he'd been looking forward to that. This man may never fully understand how much he'd done for him. He'd gotten him to talk, made him think, showed him he could overcome this thing that had him so far down, and the biggest gift, he made him realize he wasn't alone in the fight. Daryl would never forget that.

Instead of being a lot of serious talk, and a lot of rehashing of what Daryl had been through in his treatment, lunch turned out to be fun. They'd reconnected and for the first time had some laughs.

Daryl mentioned he was going camping, and Tom had given him some great tips for local places a guy might actually want to take a woman. Places that were quiet and serene, with lots of great hiking and not too heavy on the "roughing it" factor. He told him about a small lake they could drive to. It was visited by very few, in fact Tom told him since it was mid-week they'd probably have the place to themselves. That suited Daryl just fine, the only person he wanted to see while he was out camping was Beth Greene.

They planned to leave first thing in the morning so after lunch he went home and got the gear together. With all the stuff they were taking there was no way to take his bike, they'd be taking her Wrangler.

He knocked on her door and when she opened it they just smiled at each other, until he stepped in and quickly hugged her. "I think I got everythin' we're gonna need, ya know, except the food. I got the tent, and the sleepin' bags and stuff. And if you're ready for it I got a big cooler from Merle."

"I'm ready, I think I have all the food we'll need, and if we run out maybe I can get us a rabbit or a squirrel." She smiled but he looked more serious.

"I'ma see if I can't get back in on that this trip, get you a big old rabbit and cook it for you too." He pursed his lips and looked in her eyes, "I wanna be able to hunt again, it always was a relaxin' time for me, bein' out in the woods, trackin', gettin' my own dinner. I want that again."

She didn't say anything she just took his hand and gave it a light squeeze. He'd always appreciated that about her, how she'd just let him know that whenever he figured it out, or even if he never did, she was there for him.

They both had a group that night and met back at his place after. He poured her a glass of wine and cracked himself a beer. They sat on the sofa holding hands. The TV was on but they weren't really paying attention to that.

"I feel bad. I know you're a guy who likes to go into the wilderness to camp, and it seems like you're changing everything and bending over backwards just to try and make me comfortable. I'm pretty sure I'd be okay in the wilderness, I mean as long as you were with me. I don't want to spoil this for you." She was looking right at him and he could tell she meant every word of that.

"Hey girl, I'm doin' this just the way I wanna. It's about me an you goin' out there and just chillin'. Doin' some hikin', maybe even some swimmin' and just havin' fun. We ain't seen each other in eight weeks, this is our time to get reacquainted and more acquainted." He smiled at that, then gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, "We can do a pack in wilderness trip another time. I'm lookin' forward to this more than you know."

* * *

They didn't even talk about it, they both just knew. He walked her to her place and waited while she got her pajamas on and brushed her teeth.

He crawled into bed and she slid in after him, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm tightly around her, he whispered, "You feel so good right here next to me." She didn't speak she just moved to hold him tighter.

He kissed her forehead tenderly, then her cheek and then moved his lips to hers. The kiss got heated, passionate. His fingers lightly stroked her neck and then his hand moved to her breast. She made no objection. Soon his hand found its way up under her pajama top and he hesitated just a moment, but again she made no objection. Things got hot. He pulled that pajama top up and moved his mouth to her breast, she was whimpering and moans were coming from him.

Her hand had moved to the back of his head and her fingers were entwined in his hair, pulling him even closer and whispering his name. He lifted his face, and replaced his mouth with his hand on her breast, as he moved to kiss her mouth again. That's when his hand slid under the waistband of her pajama bottoms, and that's when he felt her tense up. He immediately stopped, "I ain't gonna push it Beth, if you're not ready you're not ready. I get it."

She grabbed onto him and held him tightly, "It's not that I don't want you Daryl, I do, I have, it's just that, oh I don't know, I'm just nervous, it's such a big step."

"If you're worried this is just a game for me, it ain't. You know I got feelins for you Beth. It is a big step and I'm okay with waitin' 'til you're ready."

"I'm not worried about you Daryl, I know you're not the kind of guy who plays games. And I think I've told you enough that you shouldn't have doubts about my feelings for you. We'll get there, and soon."

He pulled her into him as close as he could, she hung onto him as tight as she could, and they slept.

* * *

They were up before six, both excited to start their little adventure, both anxious to spend time with just the two of them. They'd eaten breakfast, loaded the cooler in the Wrangler, and they were on their way.

They'd arrived by nine. It was everything Tom said it was, pristine and quiet, like it was untouched by humans. There were green trees and grasses, colorful wildflowers and a beautiful crystal lake. "Oh my Daryl, I love this it's so beautiful, I'm so happy you invited me."

He got the tent up quickly and she couldn't help it, she laughed. He was puzzled, "What? Did I do sumthin' wrong?"

"No I was just thinking if two men slept in that together they'd have to be really good friends."

He smiled, "Well I don't think Merle ever let anyone sleep in there with him. Shit, he'd take me campin' and sleep in it by hisself, while I was just layin on the ground next to it."

When they finished setting up camp he grabbed his bow and took her hand, "Let's go explorin', see if we can't find us a bear or a mountain lion."

"Stop it Daryl or I'll be sleeping in the car." He just smiled and squeezed her hand, "You know I wouldn't let nuthin' hurt you."

They stopped frequently while he explained what they were observing, then he'd question her about the signs. He let her know how good she was getting, and that he was impressed by how much she'd retained. The tracking fascinated her, "It's kind of exciting to figure out the signs and know what animals have been here." She was smiling broadly and he was thinking she probably couldn't get any cuter.

She led them to a warren and he was determined this time he could do it, he'd shoot the rabbit. And when he did she clapped like he was a rock star, he laughed out loud, "Damn girl, I'da showed you that sooner if I knew you were gonna be so impressed by me."

"Oh Daryl I'm impressed by you all the time." Her cheeks and her neck were both bright pink but she was smiling. And she was happy she'd told him.

He bent down and kissed her softly on the lips, "Ain't ever known anyone as sweet as you Beth Greene."

When they got back to camp he dressed the rabbit, wrapped it and stuck it in the cooler, it was getting hot out and he planned on serving her that rabbit for dinner. "What do ya think about goin' for a swim?"

"I plan on it, I even brought my suit." She was smiling.

"Well damn, I was hoping we were gonna be skinny dippin' but alright, if that's the way ya want it I'll keep my boxers on." He was smiling at her, just a little, but still, he was smiling.

"You seriously didn't bring a suit?" She wasn't sure if he was teasing.

"Shit I don't even own one. You gonna be embarrassed?"

"Well not if you have those boxers on." She wasn't going to admit she was nervous. She went in the little tent and put on her suit. When she came out there he stood so handsome and so muscular and wearing only those boxers. He looked so damn sexy.

"Last one in is a rotten egg," She yelled, while he hung back a little just so he could watch her.

He'd never seen her in so little, and she looked hot. It wasn't that her suit was some sexy string thing; on the contrary it was a modest two piece deal. Maybe that was the appeal, it left a little something for him to imagine. There was no denying she was thin and small, but damn she was shapely.

She screeched when she hit that water, "Oh my God it's cold!" He laughed and ran in after her. Oh and they had fun, splashing each other, chasing each other, showing off their swimming skills, and then he went underwater. When he didn't come right back up she started to get scared.

She was splashing on the top of the water and calling for him, "Daryl? Daryl?" And suddenly he came up behind her like a torpedo, clutching her hips and pushing her whole body up and out of the water. They both crashed back into that water with a huge splash.

He grabbed her around the waist holding her close and laughing. "Daryl Dixon you scared the holy crap right out of me! That was so mean!" But she couldn't stop laughing, until he put a palm to the back of her head, pulled her lips to his, and kissed her with heat.

Her arms were around him and his were tightly around her, then she wrapped her legs around his waist and he moved his hands to her bottom, holding her to him. He began walking slowly back to their small camp, while she kept those legs and arms wrapped tightly around him. He never broke that kiss.

He laid her down on the big beach towel she'd spread out and he lay down next to her. He reached around to her back and untied the bathing suit top, "You okay with this?" She nodded. He slipped it from her and put his mouth on her breast, sucking, nibbling softly and flicking his tongue on her taut nipple. She was moaning with pleasure and in a low raspy voice he told her, "You got a beautiful body Beth."

They were both nearly naked and she could feel his arousal. She had her fingers in his hair and she whispered, "That feels so good." He was kissing her flat stomach and caressing her bottom, then his mouth was back up on her breast. He moved his hand to her pussy, she flinched slightly and he immediately stopped, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry Daryl and don't stop."

"You sure Baby?"

"Yes."

He put his mouth back to her breasts and used both hands to slide the bottom of her suit off. He kissed, nuzzled and licked her tummy, then did the same to the inside of her thighs, just before he slid a finger into her. She let out a gasp and again he asked, "Okay?" She assured him again.

He was moving his finger in her while kissing and nibbling at her breast, her tummy, her lips and her neck, and then he began to work that magic little nub and she came hard. He pulled her close to him clutching her fanny and kissing her neck. "You all good Baby?" She nodded and touched a hand to his cheek.

He reached over to his backpack and pulled out the little packet, got it on, and went back to fondling her, peaking her arousal and his own. He touched her entrance with his tip, looked her in the eyes and asked, "You sure Baby?"

"Yes Daryl I want this."

He slowly began to enter her and as soon as he hit it he knew, and mumbled "Shit." She had her hands on his shoulders and she was looking in his eyes, "Please don't stop." He kissed her firmly on the lips, and moved his mouth to suck her earlobe, nuzzle at her neck and her breasts while he entered fully. He put his hands firmly on her low back, and in one fluid motion he lifted himself to his knees and leaned back on his heels, pulling her up with him.

She was now straddling his lap. He'd shocked her with his strength. She was turned on by the look of his naked body, and by his movements, amazed at how good it felt, how he knew where and how to touch her, and she never wanted this to end. And then she came again and he whispered, "C'mon Baby, that's it, aw girl you're the sweetest." And he reached his own climax.

He was holding her tightly to him, and his face was in the crook of her neck, "Why didn't you tell me Beth?"

"I'm sorry, I should have and I know that. I was just so afraid you wouldn't want me, that you'd stop, and I didn't want you to stop."

He held her close, "I'da tried to make it more special for you. Not out here like this, and dang, now I took that from you and that's a real big deal. Shit, I'm sorry."

"It couldn't have been more special Daryl, it was perfect. I never expected it to be so wonderful. I just, well I guess I never knew how we'd connect. How good it would feel, and I don't just mean the physical part, it really was like we were part of each other, and I didn't want that to end. I don't want this to end with you ever. I love you Daryl."

He pulled his head back a little, looking in her eyes, "Really Beth, are you sure?" He was filled with emotion and almost afraid to believe her, afraid she'd change her mind.

"Yes I'm sure. I could never stop loving you Daryl. You have my heart."

And he realized it then, his own feelings suddenly all made sense. He pulled her to him again, he kissed her tenderly then whispered in her ear, "I love you Beth, and I ain't ever gonna stop lovin' you. You got my heart girl."


	12. Chapter 12

"I got no idea how to be a boyfriend, never been one." He looked kind of puzzled.

"I'm not worried Daryl, we'll figure this out together. I think that's going to be the most important thing we do, figure things out together." When she looked at him that way he almost thought there couldn't ever be a bit of trouble between them.

"I think I pretty much messed up already, shit I ain't even taken you on a date yet." He was chewing that bottom lip. "Hell, I don't even know what to do on a date, where to take you. I ain't ever been on one."

"I think we've had some very fun dates. We've been to the woods, we've been to Merle's, we've had dinner together, and this. This camping trip is the best date ever." Her smile was big and bright and he was thinking he should be kissing her instead of talking.

"Yeah well, I think I'm s'posed to take you somewhere you don't have to hunt for your own dinner. Like out to some fancy restaurant, an then a movie. Sumthin' like that. Do you wanna do that when we get back?" It was obvious all this thinking about what he was supposed to be doing was make him nervous.

"Not really, I'd much rather you invited me to your house and cooked me a hamburger. Then we could watch a movie and hold hands. When the movie ends you could bashfully ask me if I'd spend the night. I'd be a little shy about it, but it would be what I wanted, what I'd been hoping would happen, and I'd say 'yes'. Then you'd walk me home and patiently wait while I put my pajamas on and brushed my teeth. You'd crawl in bed and smile at me, I'd crawl in and get in your arms, rest my head on your shoulder and we'd hold each other close. You'd tell me you love me and I'd tell you the same right back. That's the best kind of date and everything I could want."

They looked in each other's eyes, he put his arms around her and whispered, "Ain't no one else in the world as special as you Beth."

* * *

They arrived back at the duplex Thursday early afternoon, put away the things that were theirs, cleaned up and headed to his brother's house to return what was his. Merle was at work, but Beth had a glass of ice tea with Carol while Daryl spent a little time in the yard with the Chaos.

"So Beth, was it everything you thought camping with Daryl would be?" Carol asked it with a little laugh in her voice.

"It was so much better than I thought it could ever be," She answered while her face turned a pretty rose color.

Carol knew then, their relationship had moved to a new level.

* * *

When they were back in the Wrangler Daryl looked over at her, smiled that crooked smile, "It's been a couple days, I should go talk to Rob or Tom, whoever's got a little time for me. Do you wanna go on that date after while? I can cook a damn good hamburger."

"That sounds great, and there's a group in 45 minutes I can make."

It was something they'd agreed on, if their lives were really going to work, both individually and together, they had to keep working on themselves, and they had to be supportive of each other seeing counselors and going to group.

They got back to the duplex and he reached for his cell phone. He connected with Rob who could fit him in for a counseling session in 15 minutes. "Alright I'ma stop by the store on my way back an get all them fancy dinner fixins. I'll see ya back here." She watched him ride off on that motorcycle sure he was the nicest and most genuine guy ever.

* * *

"This hamburger is delicious and the potato chips are the perfect accompaniment. Where did you learn to cook like this?" She smiled.

He gave her his best serious expression, "I went to one a them culinary institutes over there in France. Studied hard, finally learned." She couldn't help laughing. When she first knew him she never ever would have guessed Daryl Dixon had a sense of humor.

They'd agreed on a Clint Eastwood classic, The Outlaw Josey Wales. They sat close and he held her hand.

When the movie ended, he asked bashfully, "I don't want you to leave, would you stay here with me tonight?" She knew he wasn't acting, he really was bashful.

"Yes." He walked her to her place, waited patiently while she put her pajamas on and brushed her teeth, and held her hand as they walked back to his place.

He crawled in the bed and smiled up at her, she crawled in and lay her head on his shoulder, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close into him, "I love ya girl." "I love you too," she whispered, "This is the perfect date."

He got a more serious look as he moved a finger under her chin and lifted her face to his. She knew by the way he was kissing her what was next, she'd been anticipating, hoping for that attention from him. She returned his kiss with eagerness.

xxxx

They were starting to feel so comfortable with each other, they'd gotten in a sort of mellow routine. It was one where they knew they could each go off, do their own thing and know they'd be getting together, seeing each other again before much time had passed.

Friday he spent the day working on his bike, working out, going to group and having coffee with Tom. He went to the shop, got caught up with Merle and what he'd missed at work, organized his bay for his return to work the following week, and actually said "Hi" to the other guys.

She went to the Vet Center, had lunch with Maggie, went to the Shelter, and saw her therapist.

She was making pizzas when he showed up at the backdoor. "Hey you," He smiled. "Hey yourself, come on in."

She was rolling out dough and her hands were covered in flour, "Help yourself to a beer, I'm just a little busy."

"Whaddya mean, what are ya doin?" He smiled at his little joke.

"You're lucky I don't want to clean up any messes or you'd be wearing pizza fixings right now," She tried to sound tough.

"I don't scare easy Baby." Now he was trying to look tough. But he walked up behind her, put his hands on her hips, kissed the side of her neck and asked, "You want me to pour you a glass a wine?" She just smiled and nodded.

Everything was going so well, it was such a calm time for them both, they were basking in their newly declared love, both the emotional and the physical, and they were both so much more at peace with their pasts. They were ready for this big shift in their relationship.

* * *

Maggie had made a point of telling her to bring Daryl when she came for pancakes Saturday morning, that it was important.

She didn't think she could ever get tired of climbing behind him on that bike and wrapping her arms around the man she'd fallen in love with.

Glenn was working away at the stove flipping pancakes and frying bacon, but he always looked so happy when he was in full pancake making mode. It didn't even seem like he was working at it.

When they all sat down to eat Glenn reached for Maggie's hand, "Maggie has finally said 'yes', and we're getting married ASAP." He was all smiles.

Maggie pretended to punch his shoulder, "Are you kidding? I've been trying to get you to marry me for a year!" She looked to Beth and Daryl, "He FINALLY gave up and gave in."

Since he'd met them Daryl had thought they seemed like complete opposites who were kind of perfect for each other, and he got a kick out of their teasing. Beth jumped up and ran around the table to her sister, getting her in a fierce hug and squealing "Yay! I'm so happy, it's about time!" And then it was Glenn's turn as she got him in a headlock and gave him a noggie, "It's about time you agreed to be my brother in law! You're so silly and stubborn."

They were all laughing and it dawned on Daryl that Glenn really had been the one dragging his feet. Well, guys probably get more nervous about these things.

Beth wanted to hear all about the plans and Maggie shrugged, "There is no plan, we thought we'd get someone to marry us in the park, it's not like we have some big family and a bunch of friends who'd want to come. We were thinking you guys, Merle, Carol and the kids, Glenn's friend Rick and his wife Lori. We're going to ask Glenn's sisters of course, but we don't think any of them will come all the way from Michigan. We'll see. We could all just go to a restaurant or something after."

"No Maggie, that's not special enough. I have a beautiful yard, let's have it there and I'll make the food, I can decorate and stuff, it'll be so much nicer and more intimate."

"That's too much work Beth, you don't want to do all that cooking and stuff."

"Oh yeah right because we all know how much I hate to cook, and you aren't my only sister or anything like that so I'm just sure I wouldn't want to do this for you because, you know, it might be like work and all and I might not love you quite enough to want to just do this to help make your day special." She was looking sassy with her little hand on her hip, tapping her foot and rolling her eyes, and Daryl wanted to just get up and kiss that sassiness.

Glenn was trying hard not to laugh and Maggie totally deadpanned it when she said, "Fine, gawd you are so damn mean and pushy Beth."

* * *

Beth and Maggie volunteered to clean the kitchen so Glenn could take Daryl in the garage, show him some thingamajig on his car and get some advice.

"Hey congrats man, gettin' married, that's a big step. I can understand a guy not bein' certain its right, wantin' to wait n be sure." Being a buddy was something new for Daryl, but he was trying, determined to be part of this world full of people.

"Well you know how it is Daryl, I mean I've loved Maggie since practically the second I laid eyes on her. Then their world came to an end and I was happy to be there for both of them. It was tough on me, tough on them. The whole thing was just so awful. When Beth did what she did I thought Maggie might not get through it, but I was more than willing, hell I was happy to try and be there for them, to help in any way I could."

"But when all the money came, I had trouble dealing with that. I mean you know, I still have that old school feeling about the guy taking care of the girl and all. Geez, marrying a woman who has more money than I'll ever make in my lifetime, well it's just a little daunting."

"What money?" Daryl looked both confused and concerned.

That's when Glenn knew just how badly he'd screwed up, shit she hadn't told him and now Glenn didn't know quite what he should do or say, "Shit man, I…well I'm sorry, I figured you guys had talked about it or something. Anyway, I'm going to just shut the hell up from now on."

Daryl didn't know what to do, he could feel he was getting anxious, that hadn't happened to him in a long damn time. His breathing felt labored and his heart was pounding. He needed to get the fuck out of there, be alone, think. Fuck.

"Hey thanks for breakfast man, it was great, um I gotta go. Could you give Beth a ride home?" And he hurried out the garage door got on his bike and sped off.

Shit now Glenn had to go in and tell Beth, and crap, tell Maggie, what had happened.

Beth was mortified, "Oh my God it's just that I was trying to think of a way to tell him."

Maggie was trying to comfort her sister, "He'll calm down Bethie, he'll come around, realize it's not a big deal, its' just money it isn't you. Not every man is as slow as Glenn."

Glenn just wanted to disappear into the woodwork.

* * *

** Beth **

I can't believe how everything went from being so great to completely falling apart.

I wasn't angry at Daryl for leaving, not when Glenn said he seemed anxious and that his breathing had changed, that it almost seemed like he was in physical pain. I knew what it was, I knew it was the start of him having an anxiety attack.

I know I should have told Daryl about the money, and I was going to, it's just that, well I've seen how tough it was for Glenn to accept that Maggie is so wealthy. And gosh, the money just doesn't mean anything to me. I mean I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about things, I know how lucky I am to not have to agonize about paying rent and where my next meal is coming from. But I'm not impressed by money, I don't need a lot of fancy things and a great big house to make me happy. Besides the money cost me more in loss than it could ever replace.

What makes me happy is having Daryl, having Maggie and Glenn, and Merle and Carol and the kids. That's what brings me happiness.

But I know in my heart what Daryl was reacting to, it wasn't really the money. It was that I'd kept something from him. I know how important honesty is to him. How important it is that we don't keep secrets from each other, that we keep this real, keep it open, tell each other stuff. It's a very big thing I didn't bother telling him about.

I totally let him down, now he probably thinks there are all kinds of things I'm keeping from him. I know he can project. Heck I do that all the time myself.

I just wish he'd come home and talk to me. Gosh, it's almost dinner time. If he won't talk to me, then wherever he is, I hope he's talking to someone.

* * *

**Daryl**

Man it just caught me completely off guard. I didn't know what the fuck to think. Beth's been keepin' sumthin' big from me.

I'm not stupid, I know she don't have to work, but shit, I thought she'd got a little money when her family died, just enough to get the duplex, an that she was pretty much livin' off the rent I pay her.

Damn, she don't live like a woman with a lotta money. She's livin' real cheap an just doin' volunteer work, drivin' a five year old car, no fancy clothes, no big trips. I don't know. It's all so crazy.

And it ain't like I give a fuck about the money, hell that ain't gonna change how I feel about her. Nah, what I can't believe is she just kept sumthin' so huge from me. I mean the way Glenn said that, it's a whole lotta fuckin' money.

It ain't like we never sit down and talk about stuff. Shit, we just spent three damn days all alone doin' nuthin' but talkin' an well, you know.

I feel like I've told her everythin' and now that I know she kept this from me, I wonder what else she might be keepin' from me.

I'ma call Tom, see if he's got some time to meet up. I need to talk to someone who ain't involved in it, someone who can help me figure this out.

* * *

Daryl did call Tom and they met at the park, tried to walk off some of Daryl's anxiety, and talk. They talked a lot.

"You know my friend you talked to me a lot about Beth before. She seems like a real special woman, not the kind of gal who would keep big secrets from you because she has some ulterior motive. I'd wager a guess she was just afraid of what your reaction would be. Lots of guys are intimidated when a woman has more money than them, or makes a real good income. Apparently the brother in law had a little trouble accepting it, she probably worried you might too."

"And you know man, you've had enough therapy to know, she's the only one who can give you the answers you want, that you seem to need. You're going to need to trust her enough to ask her your questions and let her answer. You're in love with the woman, and shit man, love is all about taking a chance on another person." Tom smiled and clapped him on the back, and Daryl did feel more calm. Yeah, that's what he needed to do, he needed to just talk to Beth.

But first he was going for a ride and blow off some steam. That always made him feel better.

* * *

By seven o'clock Beth really started to become concerned, now she was the one projecting. Was he just never coming back? Was he so angry with her, did he hate her so much he didn't even want to ever see her again? Then she'd chastise herself, no Daryl's not like that. He's just somewhere trying to calm down so we can talk. But somewhere for seven hours trying to calm down?

Without even really thinking about it he'd driven all the way up to the lake, visited the spot where they'd camped. Sat and looked at that lake and thought about her. Thought about how much his life had changed since he'd met her. He knew he loved her, hell he wasn't mad at her, not really. All he wanted to do now was clear the air with her, work it out, have her in his arms.

He was on his way home, actually feeling pretty good about everything. Hoping she wasn't mad at him for just leaving her at Maggie and Glenn's. That was a shitheel move.

He was on that two-lane pulling a big hill, a semi behind him. That's when the asshole in the sports car decided to pass the semi and whip right in front of him, clipping his front tire. That bike slid across two lanes and down an embankment, taking Daryl right along with it.

* * *

She was so nervous. She couldn't seem to make herself calm down. She tried to read but she couldn't concentrate. She'd tried to watch TV, that didn't work either. She couldn't even seem to play a full song on her guitar. She felt nauseated from stress and lack of food. She tried taking a bubble bath, thinking that might calm her. It didn't help.

She finally went to bed at 11, but she was so restless. She must have fallen asleep eventually, because at just before 1:00am she was startled awake by a banging on the front door. She hurried to it and asked in a hopeful tone, "Daryl?"

"Nah its Merle Sis, open the door." He pulled her into a one arm hug, "Ya get dressed real quick now, we gotta go. There's been an accident."

She started to speak but he stopped her, "Ya go on now and hurry, I'll tell ya what I know on the way."

On the way to the he told her what the hospital had told him. Daryl had been in a bad wreck, somebody had clipped his bike and just kept on driving. A semi-truck driver had called 911. At the hospital they'd found his cell phone in his pocket. Merle's number was listed not by name, but by "Big Brother," that's how they knew to call him.

The only other thing Merle knew was where he was and that he hadn't regained consciousness.

She was so worried, so scared that she felt weak. Merle had an arm around her waist, half holding her up as they stood at that admissions desk. She heard him say, "Yeah, we're his only kin. I'm his older brother, this here is little sister. I got his power of attorney, I can make any decisions that need ta be made."

When the woman picked up a ringing phone Merle whispered to her, "Ya just keep quiet now Sis, let Ol' Merle handle everythin'." And all she could manage to do was nod.

When they finally got to see him Beth let out a gasp. He was a mess. His face was covered with black bruises and road rash, he had an IV in his hand and two plastic bags of fluid were dripping into him. He had bandages and bruises covering both arms and gauze wrapped around his head.

She started to cry and after a minute Merle put an arm around her shoulder, "I'ma let ya get that out for another minute or two, then yer gonna have ta knock that shit off and get tough. Little Brother's gonna need ya ta be strong Sis."

* * *

**Merle**

I hated ta have ta talk tough ta Beth. She's a real sweetheart an I know she loves Little Brother, and he loves her. But I know we're in for a long haul here, and she is gonna have ta be tough. I know she's strong, shit, she'd have to be to go through everythin' she's been through. I hate ta see her put through more pain.

And I got ta make myself believe Baby Brother can make it, get through this. Shit, they couldn't kill him out in that fuckin' desert, they sure as fuck aren't killin' him on a Georgia highway, it just can't happen.

He's gotta be okay, gotta be.


	13. Chapter 13

She nodded to Merle, she would be tough, and she would be strong. Not just for Daryl but for herself. He had to get through this and she had to too.

Merle had his hand around her waist, holding her steady. But the truth was, she was holding him up too. He knew he and this young woman had something very important in common. They both loved Daryl Dixon.

They each had a hand on Daryl's hand when the doctor came in the room. He explained what was known about Daryl's injuries. "We have a lot to be grateful for starting with the fact that your brother was wearing a helmet. That undoubtedly saved his life, at the very least I'm certain it saved him from traumatic brain injury. He does have a lot injuries, all of which are common in motorcycle accidents.

The first is his right arm. It's natural instinct to draw one's arms around or in front of oneself to lessen impact, and that's just what it appears he did. The right arm is the one that bore his weight as he slid across the highway and down the embankment. Although he protected his head and neck, that impact means there's damage to the nerves of his arm. Sometimes the nerve damage is permanent, and he may not regain use of the arm, or may only regain partial use. But for now, let's hold a good thought that physical therapy can help.

The lower body typically takes the brunt of the punishment in this particular crash scenario, and your brother is no exception. Even though he was wearing heavy jeans and boots, his lower body took a beating, and he's broken some bones in his right foot. He was probably trying to stabilize the bike when he was first struck, and landed hard on that foot. We've got it iced now, we wanted to let him rest a while before doing surgery. We'll be taking him to the O.R. soon now.

There are not only the lacerations, abrasions and contusions you can see, there are abrasions to the bone as well. These skin lacerations and bone abrasions can be extremely painful.

When the motorcycle hit the ground there was the force of both speed and friction, and his level of road rash is significant, especially when combined with all the other injuries. It's not just a collection of simple scrapes and bruises. These injuries can lead to more permanent damage such as skin irritations, infections, and even surface nerve damage. We've cleaned away all debris, applied topical antibiotics, and we're also giving him antibiotics in his IV to reduce the chance of infection.

There's bound to be quite a bit of scarring, and I did notice the significant amount of scar tissue your brother already has. Again, the helmet and the leather jacket did protect him from even more severe damage. I know it's frightening to look at now, but I'm not expecting any permanent disfigurement to the face.

As bad as all of this may sound to you I have to say, he survived. That's the best news. He doesn't appear to have any brain injury or internal damage. We really lucked out there.

Do either of you have questions for me?"

Merle's face was stone, "Thanks Doc and yeah, I do. My brother, he's just now been gettin' right, ya know, in his own head. He was captured over in Iraq, saw some real bad shit and come home to us with a bad case a PTSD. He just come home to us again after eight weeks in treatment for that. That's on top a the year he spent at the VA hospital in Atlanta. So now all this, is he gonna get setback?"

The Doctor didn't hold back on the truth. "It very well could be a setback. This accident could cause PTSD on it's own, and with his past trauma, well it's hard to say. I'd appreciate you giving me his Doctor's name. We'll see if we can't work together to make certain your brother is okay physically and mentally, as best we can."

Merle reached in his wallet, pulled out the VA Doctor's business card, and handed it to this doctor.

Beth finally spoke, "Is there anything we can do to help? I feel like I should be doing something to help him get well."

Merle put a hand on her shoulder and the Doctor spoke, "Just being here, encouraging him. You're obviously a very close family. That will give him more help than you know. If there's nothing further right now, I'm going to prep for the surgery."

* * *

"Well Sis it ain't good, but it ain't near as bad as I's scared it was gonna be. As the physical part goes, I'm most worried 'bout the nerve damage. I seen it a lot in my business, and I've seen guys that didn't recover from that. But Daryl he's tough, he's a fighter, I think he'll get through all the physical stuff, it's the mental stuff I worry about more. I don't want him back where he was."

She nodded and asked to see Daryl's phone, she found Tom's number and Rob's number, and sent both numbers to her own phone. They'd be hearing from her as soon as it was a fairly decent hour to call. He was going to need a strong support system.

At 7:00 am an orderly took him to surgery where they'd try to repair the damage to his foot.

She and Merle went downstairs and outside. Merle called Carol, told her everything they knew and told her he'd be home as soon as Daryl woke up and he could talk to him, hear his voice himself. And he talked to Sophia and James. They were used to seeing their Daddy every morning at breakfast and they'd been worried when he wasn't there.

Then he called his office manager and told her he wouldn't be in today and why. He told her to text if they needed him for anything.

She called Tom first, although they'd never met, in a strange way they knew each other. He told her to text him as soon as Daryl woke and he'd be there in 10 minutes. "And Beth, I'm not going to betray Daryl's trust telling you what we talked about, but we did talk yesterday. I can tell you he wasn't mad at you. He was confused, not mad. I'll see you soon." And that lifted a weight from her.

Then she called Rob. He said he had appointments all day, but text him when Daryl woke up and he'd be there as soon as he could.

It was when she called Maggie that she got a little emotional. Maggie comforted her as best she could, "Do you want me to come? You know I will, just say the word."

"No Maggie, wait and let's see what happens today when he wakes up. I don't want to overwhelm him."

When they were done with their calls they went to the cafeteria for coffee and breakfast. She didn't want to eat but Merle insisted, "Ya gotta take care a yourself Sis. Don't make me have ta get after ya ta eat, like I do with Sophia." He smiled but there was a seriousness to him and she knew he was right, she had to take care of herself, and she ate the eggs and toast.

"What I can't figure out is why Daryl was on that highway, what he was doing out there. That's the way back from the lake y'all were at, did ya leave sumthin' there?" He gave her a puzzled look.

And her face turned bright pink, she was embarrassed but she told him what had happened at Maggie and Glenn's.

He nodded, was quiet for a few minutes. "That's Daryl, even before all this PTSD shit happened. When he gets confused or upset, it's like he's gotta make a break for it, get by hisself. Mull things over in his mind, then decide how he's gonna deal with it." And he smiled, "Seems strange ya gotta apologize cuz ya come into some money, don't it? And I know Sis, I know you'd rather have yer people back than have the money. That's the shits a the whole deal right there, ain't it?"

* * *

They were sitting in those hard chairs next to his bed, both exhausted, just watching him and wishing he'd wake up so they could hear his voice, hear from him that he was okay.

She felt her heart rate increase the second he started to stir, and his nightmare was her nightmare. He was yelling and cussing and he managed to pull out his IVs, he pulled the small sensors from his chest, pillows were flying and alarms on machines were going off. Merle had protectively stepped in front of her as hospital staff came rushing in. Then just as quickly as it started, it stopped.

He was trying to adjust his sight through black swollen eyes, his left hand went to his hair, and he started to glance around.

"What the fuck happened?"

Merle put a hand to his Brother's head, "You tell us Little Brother."

"Damn, everything hurts. Last I remember I was goin' home, there was a little car come outta nowhere and I could hear a semi horn blastin', then I was slidin' across asphalt." He looked to her then, like he saw her for the first time, it seemed that his eyes were just focusing in, "Beth. I remember I was on my way home."

Nurses were trying to reconnect everything when the doctor came quickly through the door. "What happened here?" And the nurses explained.

Daryl looked at him and said, "Sorry man, I just ain't got any control of that."

The Doctor reassured him, "It happens." And then he checked the foot and the other injuries. "Well it looks like a no further harm was done, and we're all wide awake now. So tell me, what hurts the most?"

"My legs, hips, foot, shit there ain't no part of me that doesn't hurt. I feel like I's run through a crusher."

"I'd like to tell you I'd take care of that for you right away, but I'm afraid it's mostly going to take time and physical therapy. It's obvious you do some working out so physical therapy, and lots of it, is just going to be another aspect of your workout routine.

She hated to think of him in pain, and she felt those tears in her eyes, but she was so happy to hear him, to know he'd been coming home to her. She took his hand and he gave hers a little squeeze. That was when she felt it, they'd beat this, all of it.

Merle said he needed to get himself a cup of coffee, but what he really wanted was to give them some time alone.

He was looking at her through those eyes that were nearly swollen shut, "I remember that I bolted on ya Beth. I shouldn't a done that, I should a asked you about it, we should a talked about it. But my head gets swimmin' and it's like I feel a pressure, I just gotta go off alone and think. I'm workin' on fixin' that about myself, but shit, it ain't happenin' fast, is it? Anyway, I'm sorry."

"But damn Baby, that ain't the only thing ya held back on. You made me feel guilty up there by that lake, when I found out you, well you know, you were inexperienced. Shit like that, it ain't fair to me. Please don't be just thinkin' you know how I'm gonna feel about stuff, tell me the stuff, then we can talk about it. Shit we can fight about it, or cry about it, I just don't like feelin' like you don't trust me enough to tell me them things. I ain't mad, wasn't mad before. I went for so long not tellin' anybody anythin', you're the one made me change that, told me I needed to. Now I'm tellin' you the same thing. You gotta trust me Beth. Still, I shouldn't a run off and I'm real sorry. I caused this myself."

She was looking at this man that had such a rough exterior, and the most tender center, "No I'm sorry Daryl, you're right. I should have just told you everything about me, and about the money, a long time ago. You've been so honest with me and I've held back. I don't know why. That's my problem and I'm working on it. It's not because I don't trust you, because I trust you completely. I think it's my avoidance technique. If I never mention it, we don't have to talk about it, and I don't have to deal with it. So again, I'm the one who's sorry. I promise Daryl I've learned my lesson. I'm not going to make the same mistake again."

He tried to smile but his bruised face wouldn't quite get there. "All along I thought my rent money was helpin' to support you. I thought you needed it to get by. What the hell do ya do with it, throw it away?"

"Don't be a goof of course I don't throw it away, I give it to the Wounded Warrior Project, along with a little extra." And he squeezed her hand a little harder.

She gently kissed him, afraid she'd hurt him, and he put that one good hand up to her face, told her he loved her and then a little laugh managed to come, "Pretty damn romantic, ain't it?"

* * *

When Merle came back she excused herself and went to the hall. She knew how those nightmares, the loss of control, affected him. She sent Tom a brief text about what had happened. Seconds later her phone beeped, "Be there in 10."

Tom and Merle shook hands, chatted for a minute and Merle said, "Thanks Tom, you been a real good friend to Daryl, to our family. "He nodded and looked to Daryl, "Okay Little Brother I'ma get home ta my family, the Chaos are thinkin' their Daddy's run off. I'll be back first thing in the mornin', unless you or Beth need sumthin', if that's the case y'all just call me."

Beth visited with Tom and Daryl for just a minute, and then she told him, "I'm going to go grab a nap and a shower, I'll be back in a couple of hours. You stay out of trouble." She smiled, but she kind of meant it.

Tom sat down in one of those hard chairs, "So my friend things went south in a hurry, didn't they? Let's talk about that nightmare that woke you up today. What was all that about?"

"The best news I can tell you about that was, it wasn't about the Sandbox, this one was all about me slidin' across the highway, half a me pinned under that bike, white car speeding in front of me, big rig behind me, and Beth on the side a the road yellin' at me to hurry and come to her. I's tryin' my damnedest to get to her but I couldn't get out from under the bike, couldn't get to her. That's what I know."

"That sounds pretty straightforward, shit I think even I can figure that one out." Tom patted him gently on the shoulder.

They talked for quite a while, until Tom saw how tired he was getting. "You know this is just another hiccup, you're going to get through this because you want to, because you're so ready to have that life you never thought you could have. I'll be here everyday Ranger, doing everything I can to help you see that. If you need me and I'm not here, you call me, I'll be on my way. We came way too fuckin' far to go backwards now, agreed?" Tom was all steel-eyed support system.

* * *

**Merle**

I got home and all I could think about was hangin' onto my family. Huggin' my wife an my children. I was tired, shit I'd been runnin' on adrenaline after the hospital called, and I was so relieved when the Doc told Sis and me Little Brother was gonna live. The rest of the stuff, oh it's bad, no doubt about it, but he's alive, we can get through whatever we gotta get through. Daryl will get through, he's tough as fuckin' nails, I got nuthin' but faith in him.

The nightmare freaked me out some, but I seen him have much worse and it was like once he'd seen Beth he was okay. I gotta think the dream had sumthin' ta do with her.

I was real sorry ta hear they'd had a little problem between 'em, but that seems ta be over now. They're good together, they belong together.

I was real proud of her, she held up real good today. She was smart ta call Tom and Rob.

Damn, all this just wore me out. I laid down with James for his nap, we was both tuckered. I just held my boy close to me and we had us a nice long rest.

I gotta stay strong for all of 'em, it's my responsibility, I'm head a the family and I gotta care for my family, that includes Sis.

xxxx

Five days later he was released. They'd had a little disagreement about where he'd go. "It's best I just go to Merle's, I ain't gonna be able to take care of all these cuts and road rash that need cleanin' and stuff every day, and I don't want you havin' to do that for me. Merle won't mind a bit. And I can't risk you Beth, if I start havin' nightmares again. I can't put you in danger."

"Don't even start that with me Daryl Dixon. First of all, Merle works full time running a business, he's got a wife, two kids, and a house. Sheesh, and excuse me, but I thought we were in some kind of relationship and doesn't that kind of imply that we're there for each other, that we take care of each other? What? You think I'm some kind of fair weather girlfriend? If it was me would you just send me to Maggie's house because I was too big a burden?!" Her hand was on her hip and he was trying not to smile, he didn't want to piss her off any more than she was. But shit, he liked it when she got all fired up and sassy.

And Tom had walked in on that, arriving for his daily visit. "I don't like to give relationship advice Ranger, but I'd be inclined to do what she says, I think she can kick your ass."

Daryl nodded to Tom, a little grin on his face, "No shit, she's been kickin' my ass as long as I've known her."

Beth was red faced when she said, "You both better just knock it off."

xxxx

He had a big "boot" on his broken foot and lower leg, crutches, and his arm wasn't working, but the worst was the pain. He wasn't going to take drugs. For as long as he could stand it, he was going to white knuckle the pain. So far the worst times were in Physical Therapy and when he tried to sleep at night.

** Daryl **

I'm so happy to be goin' home from that hospital. They took good care a me an all, but damn, it seems like I've spent a lotta my damn life in hospitals. I never wanna have to go again.

I'ma do everythin' the doc told me, and I'm gonna bust my ass with the PT. Shit, that stuff is brutal. It sounds kinda nice, Physical Therapy, but damn, ain't nuthin' nice about that. But it'll all be worth it if I can get everythin' workin' right again. I appreciate the fact I survived, and if I could never use my right arm again it still wouldn't be right for me to complain, I've seen too many guys at the VA that have lost so much more. But I do hope I can make it work. I wanna ride my bike again, shoot my crossbow, work on motorcycles. Wrap both my arms around Beth.

And shit, I know how fuckin' lucky I am. I got a brother that would do anythin' for me, who also happens to be my boss. I know they're shorthanded at the shop an I feel bad I can't get there and get my work done. I appreciate Merle waitin' on me, livin' on the hope I'll be back. It's a burden on all of 'em covering my ass like they are. Yeah I'm lucky.

And Beth, how the fuck did I ever get that lucky? She's the best and the sweetest. As soon as I told Tom about the dream I realized what I was doin' in it, tryin' to get home to Beth, tryin' to just get to her, make up, hold her in my arms. I thank God I got the chance to see her again, that I didn't die out on that asphalt.

And I ain't had another nightmare since. I'm hopin' that holds.

I'm nervous about her takin' care a me, I hate to be a worry and a burden. But she's right, we're supposed to be there for each other, and I damn sure wouldn't send her to Maggie's just cuz she needed care.

Maybe it'll be good for us to kinda be livin' together, learn how we get on 24/7. See if she can still stand to be around my ass a month from now.

**Beth**

I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm a little nervous about taking care of Daryl. I've never had to take care of another person, and there are going to be tough issues. For now, and I hope it's just for now, he only has use of one arm, and his foot is going to take a while to heel, so he's on crutches and all. I hope I'm enough help for him in getting around. And I worry I won't properly care for his wounds. But the doctor and the nurse both showed me what I need to do, and they assured me I had it covered.

And I'm also looking forward to caring for him, showing him not just with words, but with actions how much I love him, care about him.

We're so fortunate, if anything comes up he and I can't handle we have Merle, and a lot of other people who will be there for us.

I'm also pretty excited Daryl and I will be living together. It's going to be very interesting to see how we get along when we're with each other 24 hours a day, every day.

I just know I love Daryl and I would do anything for him. I'll never keep anything important from him again.

xxxx

He couldn't believe it when she and Merle helped him get up the stairs and into his place. An arched doorway was there between the two small houses, opening them up to one another. He smiled, "Who took care a that."

Merle deadpanned, "James." After they'd all had a good laugh, he smiled, "Nah, Tom done it, turns out he used to be in construction."

Merle stayed for a while, helped get him settled in. He'd bought him a recliner thinking he'd be more comfortable in that that on the couch. Daryl was a little overcome with all the kindnesses everyone had shown him. He was determined not to let them down.

* * *

It had been a long day, another day of making big adjustments and they were exhausted. "Maybe I should sleep in the other bedroom, I don't want to be hurting you."

"You ain't gonna hurt me and I want you to sleep with me. I never wanna lay my head down at night that your head ain't laying there next to me."

She helped him in the bed, and she crawled in next to him. He was so hurt, so bruised up, scraped up, cut up, she was afraid to do anything but take his hand and hold it tight. And they slept.


	14. Chapter 14

She hadn't expected it to be this hard. She wasn't complaining. She loved helping Daryl get dressed, almost as much as she loved helping him get undressed.

She didn't mind caring for his wounds, cleaning them, applying the topical antibiotic, and putting gauze bandages on some, if only she could somehow distance herself from the fact that those wounds were on him. That was the part she could hardly stand, knowing the horrendous road rash, deep cuts and dark bruises were on this man she loved so much.

Knowing how badly he was injured was painful to accept. And when she'd care for that particularly bad one on the outside of his right thigh, she'd feel his whole body tense. She knew he was in terrible pain and she wanted to cry. But she'd resolved to stay strong because he was so strong, and she wanted to be the one to care for him, no matter what.

There was a lot involved in that care. He was getting better, he had a little more use of his arm and hand, but the foot posed some mobility issues and he simply needed a lot of help. It all took time. Besides the wounds and the little things he couldn't quite do for himself, she was driving him to three or four appointments a day. Then of course, there was the cooking, cleaning and trying to get to her own therapy and her own group.

Forget any of her volunteer jobs.

She was feeling a little overwhelmed with responsibilities and Daryl wasn't oblivious to that, he knew it was a lot on one person and he was starting to feel guilty. At breakfast that morning he announced, "I'ma ask Merle or Carol to come over a couple times a week and help me, it's just too much Beth. You're gonna wear yourself out and then you'll be sick. I know I'm a giant pain in the ass."

"Stop it. If it gets to be too much I'll get help, I promise. But for now I want to be the one who helps you. And I worked everything out with your appointments so I can still have lunch with Maggie twice a week. That gives me plenty of time to relax and regroup. Oh, and speaking of that, they're saying two weeks from this Saturday for the wedding, does that sound okay with you?"

"Beth you ain't gotta ask me, whatever you want I'm good with. But shit, my opinion says it just seems like a lotta work with all you gotta do for me, it's just too much piled on. We could take everyone to a restaurant or sumthin', or buy food from a restaurant, whatever ya want. I still got some savin's." She smiled at him, how special is this man?

"But Daryl it's like I told her, I want to do this. I want it very much and you're going to help!" It had suddenly dawned on her, and she was smiling broadly at him now. She should have thought of all of this sooner, why was she babying him?

"I'm gonna help?" He looked at her like she had to be kidding.

"Yes you are. It's not like your arm and hand don't work at all, they're weak, that's the truth, but they do work some. It's going to be an outdoor party, the weather is perfect this time of year. Let's see, what would be good to eat at an outdoor party? That's right Daryl Dixon! One of the things you excel at cooking, barbecue chicken!" Damn she was cute, he'd barbecue anything she told him to.

"Sounds good to me, what else am I gonna be doin'?"

"I've been thinking and I don't see why you can't help with the housework. Heck you were doing your own before the accident." She let out a small laugh, "But not folding clothes, don't worry, I'll never ask you to do that. I've seen how you fold them when your arm and hand are working right."

"Hey, I do a fine job if it's sumthin' that counts, like my uniform. But it don't matter with stuff like sheets and underwear." And he was holding back a smile. "So what are you gonna trust me with?"

"I have so much faith in you, why I think I'll let you do all the vacuuming from now on, I'll do the dusting. And we'll split the bathrooms. And don't even get me started on your kitchen cleaning activities. Why I'm going to work you to the bone Mister Dixon."

"Ya know Greene I knew it was only a matter a time before you started crackin' your whip and forcin' me to work 'til I drop. You shoulda been a Drill Sargent."

**xxxx**

His favorite therapy was occupational therapy and he went everyday Monday through Friday. After only a week's time he could see the difference in the tasks he could do. When he'd first gotten out of the hospital he couldn't tie his own shoe, zip up his jeans, or buckle his belt. But with this therapy that concentrated so much on the everyday tasks of life, he was feeling a lot more confident in his abilities.

He was capable of showering himself, of taking care of all his own hygiene issues. And he'd mastered cutting his own meat. That had been one of the things that really bothered him, when she'd cut his meat for him one night. He'd sooner pick it up with his hands and eat it that way, or not eat it all all, anything rather than to feel he needed her help feeding himself.

He started to truly believe he could make this work. If he could just get enough dexterity back to work on the bikes, he'd have no complaints at all.

He was more than a little bit surprised and plenty embarrassed when his occupational therapist asked him, "So what about your sex life, are you getting back in the swing of things?"

Daryl felt the heat rise up on his neck and ears. This just wasn't something he talked about, and he couldn't get a word to come out of his mouth, he just stared at the guy.

"I'm not trying to be nosy Daryl, but my job is to help you get back to living the fullest life possible. You're a young guy and I know you have a regular girl. The thing is, sometimes a person gets a little apprehensive about the physical part of the relationship. If you're not ready to address that goal, we'll move along to something else. Just remember, I'm here to help you bring normalcy to all phases of your life."

The therapist patted his arm, "Okay, let's talk about those dishes. We'll see how you do with a sink full of them."

**xxxx**

She was grateful for her own therapy because she needed that chance to unload some of her frustrations. And she needed to be reminded that she still had her own issues and needed to do her work on those.

She didn't want to complain to Daryl. There was nothing to complain about. He was doing everything he could, trying his best to be strong and independent. The last thing she wanted was to act like he was some kind of burden. But that didn't mean she didn't get tired and cranky. Sometimes she just felt like bitching. She saved it for therapy. She'd get started and that therapist would let her go on for just a minute before she shut her down. Reminding her she'd wanted this, volunteered for this. "Beth you're doing a wonderful thing, but what you're not doing right is taking care of Beth. When was the last time you picked up your guitar, wrote a song? And that's something you can share with Daryl, you've told me before how much he loves to hear you sing.

And I want you filling those journal pages."

* * *

He could tell she was happy about something when she picked him up at therapy. "Okay, what've you been up to Boss?" He teased her.

"I'd prefer you address me as General Beth, please. And what I've been up to is shopping at the party store, and what I got were decorations, and what I am is excited! Yay Me!"

"You do realize you're crazy, right?" And he took her in a tight hug with his left arm. "Tell me what you bought Baby." None of it meant anything to him, but it was obvious it meant a whole lot to her so he was going to try and give a shit. She'd said they were in a relationship and he supposed that was what those were all about, trying hard to give a shit about whatever meant something to the other person.

They hadn't been home 10 minutes when Merle came by, "We looked over the bike and I gotta tell ya Little Brother, ain't even anythin' really left ta be salvaged, I s'pose the insurance is all that's left ta get outta that. Now if ya think you'll ever be able ta get back on a bike again, I got a line on a couple real nice ones, lightly used and well-priced, you let me know. It's up to you son."

He didn't miss her eyes go wide and he saw her breathing pattern change. He knew she was anxious, he was hoping for her sake she didn't have a full on anxiety attack. The thing was he didn't even know how he felt about getting back up on that horse. Shit, he'd been so lucky he didn't die that night. Until then he'd never really worried about wrecking on his bike. He was a good rider, and sure he liked to go a little too fast sometimes, but he was always careful. Never took chances like that dumbass that clipped him, and that was the thing, it was the other guy you didn't have any control over, especially on a bike.

* * *

**Merle**

I seen how they both looked when I mentioned the bike, especially Sis. Hell I was thinkin' she was gonna have one a them anxiety attacks like Daryl gets.

I'll tell ya, if they'd seen that bike they'd both have one. When I seen it my stomach got so tight I's thinkin' I's gonna throw up. Just imaginin' Little Brother on that thing was frightenin'. I couldn't believe he survived. Shit I still can't believe it.

I ain't pushin' for him to get another bike, I wouldn't blame him one bit if he never got on another one.

It's gonna be his call. Well his and Sis's, I'm sure her feelin's an opinion will matter to him, just like I gotta give weight ta Carol's feelin's and opinions.

I worry about all this work pilin' on Sis, it's a big job takin' care a everythin'. But she wants to do it an I'm sure she can. I just don't wanna see her wear herself out. I did tell her if she needs any help with anythin' ta call on me.

What I want for Daryl is for him to get enough strength n control a that hand that he can come back ta work. Not for me, for him. He loves it and dammit, he deserves ta do what makes him happy.

I've fixed a lotta shit in my life, people and situations, right or wrong I done it an I'm damn glad I did, but I couldn't fix PTSD for him, and I can't fix this for him, and that's fucked up man.

* * *

The doorbell rang, no one ever rang the doorbell. Beth jumped up to answer and it was Rick Grimes. "Hi there Beth, is Daryl here?"

Daryl hobbled over to the door, "Yeah hey Sheriff, what can I do for you?"

"I thought you'd like to know we made an arrest in your accident. I'm certain we've got the guy responsible. It won't make the injuries go away, but you should be able to at least get some financial compensation. I wish you a lot of luck getting whatever you can out of him and his insurance company. Hit and run, there's just no excuse for that. Anyway, if your insurance company or lawyer wants to call this number here, they can get all the details." Daryl thanked him, and he shook Rick's hand as best he could.

That night he helped cook dinner, he grilled them each a chop and he grilled some asparagus for her. She made him fried potatoes and opened a bottle of wine. After dinner he insisted on doing the dishes, "I practiced in OT today, let's see how many I break. Why don't you get your guitar and entertain me while I'm busting my ass at the sink? You ain't played for me in a long time."

* * *

**Beth**

I'm so glad I thought to ask Daryl to help with what he could. It's not because it will make my life easier, I mean it will, but heck, I could hire a housekeeper if I wanted to. It's that I know he has pride. He's the kind of person who needs to do his part, pay his way. I get it. Plus, he'll see how capable he is.

Oh my God I hadn't even thought about Daryl riding a motorcycle again. I nearly had an anxiety attack when Merle mentioned it. I loved riding on the back of his bike, holding onto him. It was exhilarating and it was sexy. I never really worried about wrecking. But now that this happened I'm scared to death to think of him riding out there. Maybe some of that will fade with time, I just don't know.

And really he's an adult, it's his life, he's the one going through this difficult recovery, if he decides he wants to ride again would it really be right of me to try and stop him?

All I know for sure is I love Daryl and this was too close for me, I don't know what I'd do if I lost him.

I loved that he asked me to play my guitar for him, the timing was funny after the therapist just mentioned it today. I had planned to get it after we'd cleaned the kitchen, but I'm so glad he asked me first.

* * *

**Daryl**

I don't know how I feel about gettin' another bike, I thought that would always be my main way a gettin' around. But now, fuck I just don't know. Maybe if I couldn't remember what happened it'd be different. But I remember every bit of it, seein' the car, knowin' it was gonna clip me, knowin' the big rig was behind me and if I tipped in front a him there was no way he could stop in time, my foot slamming into the asphalt, I swear I felt the bones crack, then sliding across that asphalt feelin' like my skin was gettin' burned right offa my body, hittin' the dirt, goin' down that embankment and finally stoppin' when I hit flat ground. I'm real grateful to that trucker, if he hadn't been there, called 911, then waited for 'em out there on the highway so they'd be sure to find me, I'd still be lying there, but I'd be dead.

And that ain't the first time I dodged death, or even the second.

I gotta take Beth's feelin's and opinion into consideration too, she's my girl an we agreed, we talk about stuff. It's the only way this can work and I want it to work. Never wanted nuthin' more.

Standin' here doin' these dishes an listenin' to her sing, well I can't help thinkin' about how much I miss touchin' her. It's just, well fuck, I never was too confident about my skills at that stuff, and with this bum arm and hand, and a broke foot, shit I oughta really be smooth in bed. The other thing I kinda worry about is all these fuckin' wounds. I'm afraid, that's right, big tough Ranger is afraid. Everythin' already hurts, so what? I'ma set myself up for some more pain?

Oh hell yeah clumsy and a big crybaby. Ain't that what every woman wants in bed?

But I gotta try and figure it out. Well that's another thing right there, ain't it? We gotta try an figure it out together.

* * *

They brushed their teeth and he took a deep breath, with a hand on her cheek he told her, "I don't wanna wear the sleep pants Beth, and I don't want you to put them pajamas on, hell it'd take me half the night to get 'em back offa you. I want us to try tonight, you know, see if we can figure out how we could make, well you know, make it work for us to be together. Would you wanna?"

"Yes."...

"You crawl in first Baby, remember, I'm a lefty now." They laughed softly and blushed brightly.

They took it real slow starting with gentle kissing, neither of them having any idea just how this would go. Slowly their kisses got more heated and he began to skim his hand along her shoulder and her arm, down her back and around her side, and finally to her round bottom. She was responding to the kissing and the touching and she followed suit, rubbing a hand to the side of his face, and gently down his shoulder and chest. She knew where all of his wounds were and she did her best to avoid touching those.

He reached his hand to her breast, she'd been longing to feel him touch her there and she let out a soft, satisfied moan. That encouraged him and he moved his mouth to her other breast, sucking softly and playing his tongue around her nipple, gently nipping the erect little mound. He knew she was becoming more and more aroused and he moved his hand between her thighs, her hips lifted slightly to invite his touch and he slipped a finger in her. She let out a heated moan while he released his own deep guttural hum.

His body was so covered with wounds she kept her hand to his head, running her fingers through his hair, moving it to his chest, neck and face, and back to his hair. Her movements and her moans spurred him on, another finger was slipped in and his palm exerted pressure on that most sensitive area, he rubbed that sensitive little spot just the way he knew she responded to. When she climaxed he wasn't sure who felt more of a release, her or him. He was so relieved to know he was able to bring her pleasure.

She felt his erection and moved her hand to grasp him firmly. "I think the only way we can make this work Baby is if you're on top," his voice was deep, raspy. She held still while he gingerly rolled over on his back. She knew it hadn't been painless, but he smiled at her and said, "Slide your little self up and lay on my stomach." She was unsure but she did as he had asked, "You're gonna have to keep your legs between mine, it's a little awkward, but I just got too many sores on my thighs." She kissed his stomach and his chest as she moved her body onto his, and when they were face to face she kissed him deeply and whispered, "I love you so much."

He took his hands and guided her hips up so he could enter her. She was surprised how different it felt, her legs between his, and how much she enjoyed moving on top of him. He used both hands to tease and tweak her breasts, and that right hand wasn't as inept as he'd feared. They took it slow and gentle. He moved his hands up and lightly gripped them in her hair, the right one almost cooperating, and he brought her lips to his, he didn't think he could ever kiss her enough.

Being with this man she loved so much, the movement, the kissing, the emotion of it, brought her to another climax. And he followed with his own.

She carefully moved from his poor battered body to lay next to him, her head resting next to his. They clasped hands and she said, "We didn't seem to have too much trouble making that work."

It had been a little awkward, clumsy at times, and it had its uncomfortable moments, but they were both convinced it was perfect.

He smiled and said, "I love you so much Baby." And they slept.


	15. Chapter 15

He'd been making real steady progress, not fast progress, but there was definitely some progress each day.

He felt happy and proud. Proud because he'd been working his ass off. Happy because well, things were getting easier and he was hoping sometime soon he'd be able to get back to work.

He and Beth were getting along great occupying the same space, and they were both excited to be hosting Maggie and Glenn's wedding the next day. That was something he'd never have bet on, that he'd be excited about having people over, "entertaining." Shit, it hadn't been that long ago he wished he never even had to look at another person.

Life had a way of changing things up on a person. That was for damn sure.

He'd helped with the cleaning and with the setting up of the big table and the chairs. And Merle had helped him with that arch thing Beth had insisted they just had to have. She said the bride and groom and the minister would stand there under it and do the legal part of the ceremony. He couldn't see the point of the thing, but he didn't say that. She didn't ask for much and he figured if it was in his power to do it for her, well then he should. She'd sketched out what she had in mind and they'd come pretty damn close.

Well anyway she seemed happy and that's all he really gave a fuck about.

She'd even asked him to hang up those little paper wedding bell things along the eves of the two porches. He'd managed it all without a mishap, and he was feeling pretty good about that.

While they were doing all that stuff out in the yard, they'd talked about tearing the wall down. Making it one big yard and one big back porch.

He said he wanted to do the work himself just as soon as he had a little more strength in that right arm. And she said that was just fine with her, however he'd like to do it.

The way things were going the Doc and the PT were both thinking that he was going to get that strength back. That he also had a real good chance of gaining back a lot of dexterity in his right hand and fingers.

But there were no guarantees. It was one of those wait and see deals, the kind that make you a little anxious.

But he was working on the anxiety too, going to his doc, lunches with Tom, having regular visits with Rob, and going to group. It was like a damn full time job between the physical healing and the mental healing.

He was just so damn glad that she still wanted him, with or without the use of his hand and arm. That told him a lot, it told him she really did love him. Just for him, for who he was as a person.

Well and the other thing he was pretty damn happy about was his wounds were healing. That made having a sex life with her just a whole lot easier on both of them.

But it wasn't just about the sex part. They both liked the other part too, it was important to them. The holding onto each other part. It was like they got that strength they needed each day, just from the power of having someone you love, and someone who loves you back, to hold on to.

The wedding turned out to be a lovely day all the way around. He'd moved the keyboard out onto the porch and she played a little soft music while Daryl escorted Maggie up to that little arch thing, to Glenn.

He couldn't believe Maggie had asked him, but she told him he was the closest thing to a brother she had, he was her family and she'd be honored if he would.

The ceremony itself was brief, and Maggie and Glenn both seemed to relax once that part was over. Beth didn't miss seeing how happy her sister looked. They'd both struggled so much, each in their own way. Finally it seemed that as much sadness as they'd known, their lives were happy again.

There was a time Beth never would have believed that could happen.

Daryl's barbecue chicken was the hit of the day, and she didn't miss that embarrassed but also proud, look on his face.

** Two Months Later **

He was back to work. He wasn't 100% up to full capacity, far from it. There was fine detail work he couldn't do yet. His fingers just wouldn't always do what his mind told them to. But the good news for him was, there was plenty he could do and he could be a productive person.

And damn if he didn't get a big fat settlement from the other driver's insurance company, that and he'd gotten a nice one from his own insurance company. Beth had gone with him and he'd bought a real nice F-150 extended cab. It was a couple years old, but you'd never know to look at it, and the best news was she loved it.

So now he had a little more money in his bank account, and he was earning that weekly paycheck again. It made him feel like he could take care of himself and take care of her, physically and financially.

Oh sure she had plenty of her own money, but it was still important for him to know that even if she didn't, if it all evaporated tomorrow, he could take care of her.

He might be a dinosaur, but dammit, he wanted to feel like he could take care of his woman in every way.

The job was good, the finances were good, their love was good, yeah it was all good. Except for one thing. There was something missing.

** Merle **

Damn I was glad when Little Brother could finally come back to work. I mean we'd been limping along alright, the guys had been great about it, they really had. There was a lot of overtime that had been put in, and everyone was getting tired, but they didn't complain.

He ain't like he used to be, there's some stuff he can't do, but he's still the best mechanic I've ever seen. The boy just has a gift for fixin' a Bike. Hell, I remember when he was a kid, he'd be takin' my engine apart and puttin' it back together every chance he got. Shit, I finally had to tell him to knock it off, he was gonna wear the damn thing out.

Daryl is a different breed a cat, there just ain't no doubt about that. I never knew a tougher man. He's been to hell and back more than once. But dammit, he does come back, beats the odds, he's got a fight somewhere deep inside that don't ever quite let him give up.

He's one tough sumbitch, physically. But he's also got that fragile thing goin' on. I never knew someone, man or woman, quite so sensitive. He's easy to hurt on the inside. He gets cut deep by life, by people, by situations. That ain't new, he's been like that ever since he was a little fella.

It's another reason I'm real grateful he found Sis and she found him. They got the same kinda tender hearts, so they're real careful of each other's hearts. That's a real good thing. People like them, why the world can be downright brutal on 'em. I don't give a shit how much fuckin' therapy they get.

But what they got now is each other, and they take good care.

** Daryl **

I love Beth, shit she's everything to me. And dammit I want to do whatever it takes to keep her happy. She deserves nuthin' less than that. She's the best.

And our life it's real, real good. Yep, we got a good thing goin' for sure. We understand each other and we each know what we need and what the other one needs, you know, all emotionally speakin' and shit.

What the fuck could be better than that? I got no idea. I'm thinkin' bout askin' her to marry me real soon.

But there's sumthin' missin', for me, not for her. She ain't missin' it at all.

I wanna talk to her about it, I know I gotta talk to her about it, but that don't mean it's a conversation I'm lookin' forward to havin'. Nah, I'm dreadin' every fuckin' minute a this. But I gotta do it tonight, otherwise she's gonna start to notice I got sumthin' on my mind. She don't miss much when it comes to that kinda thing.

Besides, it's gonna be sumthin' we're gonna have to figure out together, what the hell are we gonna do so we're both happy? Fuck if I know.

All I know is I love her and I don't want her to be sad or angry. I want her to be happy and satisfied. Glad to be with me. She's my girl.

xxxx

While they were doing dishes that night he said he'd like to talk something over with her. She smiled at him real big and said, "Okay good because I have something I want to talk about too."

It was a beautiful evening and they decided to take their conversation to the back porch.

He'd gotten the wall down and the back porch was now one. He'd just had to ask for a little help from Merle.

She'd hung some little lights up along that eve and it looked great, peaceful and inviting.

He asked if she wanted a glass of wine and she said she thought she'd have a lemonade instead.

He'd just cracked his beer when she smiled, "You go first, what is it you want to talk about?"

He took a deep breath and she knew then it was something she probably wasn't going to like, she tried to brace herself for the worst.

"Yeah well, I know you ain't gonna be happy Beth, but that's why I wanna talk to you about it. I ain't doin' nuthin' until we can find some kinda common ground."

What could he be talking about? "Okay."

"I miss havin' a bike. Damn Beth, I been ridin' a motorcycle since Merle taught me how, I's 14. When I got outta the VA Hospital there was only two things I could get myself to do, ride my Bike and fix other people's bikes.

After the accident I thought it'd be easy to give it up. Shit, I thought for a while I'd never be able to get back on a Bike. But I did Beth, I gotta be honest. Yesterday at work a guy brought one by he's lookin' to sell, I took it for a spin. I wanted it bad, I's ready to buy it from the guy on the spot. But I told him I had to talk to my girl first. So that's all I'm askin' here, is can we at least talk about it?"

She hadn't been sick, but she was feeling like she could throw up at any minute. She thought he was over it, but she should have known this might come up. She knew he loved riding, she knew he loved the freedom of riding. Who was she to say he couldn't?

But dang, he was just "getting back." His life had just gotten to where he felt like a functioning, productive person. What if there was another accident, only it was even worse? She didn't want to think about losing him, not ever.

"I can't tell you not to get the Bike if that's what you want Daryl, but I think we both know I don't want it. It's not that I don't want you to be happy and enjoy the things you love, it's just that I'm so scared, especially now. Now I'm double-scared."

"Why Baby, why more now? You mean because of the accident? I didn't know you was scared before that. I thought the fear came after."

That's when she handed him a small item wrapped in a soft cloth. He opened it and there was the positive test. It took him a minute to realize what it was, hell he'd never seen one before. "Beth are you kiddin' me, a baby? How'd that happen?" And right after he asked, he remembered, "Oh damn, it just took that one time huh? That first time after I got home from the hospital." He couldn't help a small grin.

But then he thought maybe she wasn't happy about this. "Damn, I'm sorry I shoulda had better self-control, shoulda made sure I used that thing. Shit, Baby I'm sorry."

"Stop it Daryl, stop saying you're sorry, I was there too, I could have insisted. And besides, I'm not sorry at all, I'm excited."

He just held her for a few minutes, told her how much he loved her, and she told him right back.

He rarely laughed out loud but he did then. "As fucked up as we are we're either gonna be the world's worst Mom n Dad, or the world's best Mom n Dad. Shit, I'm bankin' on best." He held her tightly, and whispered, "I can't wait Mama, it's gonna be great. Will ya marry me?"

They talked about it, and she said "Yes."

And then she talked about that elephant in the room.

"Can I have a day to think about the motorcycle? It just caught me by surprise, and with everything else going on, well I just don't want to make a snap decision."

** Beth **

I knew something was up when I missed my period. But I was thinking it was something else. I didn't have a period for almost four months when my folks and Shawn died. The Doctor said it was probably the stress.

So that's what I thought it was, just the stress of having so many things to do, running in so many different directions and worrying so much about Daryl.

Plus, I didn't have morning sickness or anything. Mama told me once she never got it with any of us kids, so I guess I got lucky and got that from her.

Anyway, I started to think more and more that I could be pregnant, because after Daryl was getting better, I wasn't really feeling stressed at all. Tired sometimes, concerned for Daryl sometimes, but nothing real terrible.

Finally I just said the heck with it and bought the test. That was two days ago, but I waited until today just to see if I started. But I kind of knew I wouldn't.

I was so worried about telling Daryl, I thought maybe he'd be upset. I've heard a few times that guys really get upset when their girlfriend suddenly gets pregnant, like they were trapped.

I didn't really think Daryl would feel that way, but I also wasn't sure he'd be happy.

He was so cute, like a kid at Christmas. That made me even more excited.

And when he asked me to marry him, well at first I thought he just felt like that was what he had to do, or that he was caught up in the moment. He convinced me it was what he wanted, and the truth is it's what I've been wanting for quite a while now.

He says we'll do whatever I want for a ceremony, and I'm thinking I just want to do exactly what Maggie and Glenn did. Of course Daryl will want to invite Tom I'm sure, and maybe someone else he knows. Whatever, I know it's going to be small. Daryl and I mostly just like hanging out with family.

It's the motorcycle thing. That's what's hanging in the air.

I had lulled myself into that false security, convincing myself they were a part of our past. I was sure this terrible accident would cure him of ever wanting to ride again.

I mean it's not like I hadn't enjoyed it myself. Heck, I loved it every time we got on that Bike, but then I came so close to losing him. The thought of him on one just scares me. Especially now with a baby coming.

But I don't feel its right to just take away from him something he loves. He'd go along, never get back on a bike again. But he wouldn't be happy, and how could he not develop just a huge resentment toward me?

Well just as I was thinking that, it dawned on me.

I know what I need to do.

xxxx

He got home from work and he could smell she'd been fixing his favorite, her chicken and dumplings. Well, truth was he liked everything she cooked, but the first meal she ever fixed him was chicken and dumplings, so that was always going to be his favorite.

He kissed her hello and sat down for a minute at the kitchen table. She knew getting back in the routine was hard on him, he was exhausted. But she also knew he'd get used to it again real soon. And the important thing was, he was so happy to be back to work, to be in that routine.

She also knew his arm would be bothering him something awful, oh he wouldn't complain. But she'd see him rubbing on it when he didn't think she was looking, those nerves trying to come back could be painful. He'd told her once that sometimes it felt like a lightning bolts were shooting down his arm. But he said all the weird tingling sensations were kind of worse.

She didn't say anything, she just moved the pot off the burner and walked over to where he sat. She started rubbing on his arm, massaging it, and his eyes closed and he relaxed. It made her feel good that in this small way she could help him to feel better. And he softly said, "Thanks Baby."

She smiled to herself and then she told him, "I've thought about it a lot Daryl. I remember that first time I saw you ride up here on your motorcycle. You were incredibly sexy," He snorted when she said that. "Seriously, no one ever looked better on a Bike."

"If ya don't quit talkin' like that I'ma think you only want me for my body."

"Well I can't lie, those arms got to me right away." And then they both laughed.

"Oh yeah girl? Well I got news for ya, you're not so bad your own self you pretty little thing."

"Well Mister Dixon, I thought a lot about the motorcycle," She instantly felt his body stiffen. "I fell in love with the Daryl Dixon that rides a motorcycle. And the first time I got on that Bike with you, and I wrapped my arms around you, that's when I knew I was never, ever going to want to let go of you.

I want you to have that freedom, that happiness that a motorcycle gives you. It wouldn't be right for me to try and deprive you of that. Why it would be like you taking away my music forever. That's what I realized. How would I deal with that?

But we both know I'd be lying if I acted like I was perfectly okay with the idea. I'd like to at least have some little guidelines. Is that reasonable, or am I stepping out of bounds?"

"Damn Baby, you know I want that, I want you to tell me how you feel, what you want.'

"Well, we know the helmet saved your life. I know you like to ride without it, we all lucked out you had it on when you wrecked. I'd like you to promise me you'll always wear it when you're on the Bike.

I'd like you to promise never to ride the Bike if you've had even one beer, or you're angry, or emotional. Anything that might cause you not to be focused. Is that alright, or am I asking too much?" She looked nervous.

He took her hand, "I think you're right Baby. I'ma be a husband and a Daddy, I got to be responsible, and I will be, I promise you.

An I want ya to know, I do love ridin', but I don't love nuthin' more than I love you."


	16. Chapter 16

They drove to Maggie and Glenn's house first and Beth told them about their decision to marry and that there was a baby on the way.

Maggie was beyond ecstatic. "When?! When's the wedding?!"

"As soon as we can make it happen. We don't see a reason to wait and we're keeping it very simple." Maggie hugged her sister again.

"What about Baby, when's the baby coming?!" Beth was starting to worry Maggie would hyperventilate. Glenn was just standing back, arms crossed over his chest and a small grin on his face.

"We don't even know. I've missed two times, but that still doesn't really tell us anything. I'm calling to make a Doctor's appointment in the morning."

From Maggie and Glenn's they went to Merle and Carol's.

Daryl told them the news and she could swear Merle had tears in his eyes. He tried to act tough, but she knew underneath that rough, gruff exterior there was a soft warm core.

Carol immediately made the offer, "Oh we'd love to host the wedding right here. However you want to plan it you just let me know, I'll put that plan into action. Please let us do this for you."

She could tell by the look Daryl gave her that was what he wanted, and she smiled, "Oh thank you Carol, and thank you Merle, that sounds so wonderful."

"So my Baby Brother is gonna add ta the chaos," He had a huge grin, "Cuz Lord knows we ain't got enough Dixons in the world." And the Brothers did that thing they so rarely did, they hugged. It was brief, but it happened.

The chaos that were already there were jumping up and down and just plain acting silly with excitement. Beth and Daryl were both looking forward to having that level of excitement in their own home.

They saw no reason to wait, and they set the date, a week from Saturday.

** Merle **

I'm so fuckin' happy I can't even stand my own damn self.

Baby Brother and Sis are tyin' the knot, finally makin' what the rest of us all knew was their destiny, into a reality.

Yep. That's me gettin' all sentimental and shit. I ain't always just a big old asshole with a dark side. I got eyes, and when it comes to my people I got big feelins. My family is everythin' ta me..

Them two, they was always meant ta be. Might just be they're the two most tenderhearted people in the world. Kinda like in an odd way they're innocent.

Although I gotta say, my own woman is mighty sweet and tenderhearted. And damn, she's a patient one for puttin' up with my ornery ass. But she says she likes puttin' up with my ass just fine. Ha! Truth is, I ain't never ornery with her, never could be.

Anyway, damn I'm so happy my boy is gonna be havin' a child of his own, ain't nuthin' better in the world. And Daryl, he's just cut out to be a Daddy. Yep, that little one is lucky, gonna have a real good Daddy. I'd make book on that.

xxxx

When they got home and were relaxing together on the porch, that's when Daryl brought it up. "Where we gonna live Beth?"

She was confused, "Well I just figured we'd stay here. We can have the place remodeled, turn it into a real nice three bedroom home."

He didn't look convinced so she asked, "Why, where do you want to live?"

"Seems to me that it's gonna cost a lotta dough to remodel this place. Seems it'd make more sense for me to just put it back like it was. Fix the wall in the house, put a little fence between the yards, and separate the porches again. All that's easy enough.

Then you can decide if you wanna sell it, or keep it an rent out both sides. That's what makes sense to me." And she saw him do that thing, that nervous tick. He was alternating between chewing the side of his thumb and chewing his bottom lip.

"But I thought you loved this place. This is where we met. It's special. I just figured you'd want to stay."

"Well it ain't that I don't like it, I like it a lot. It's been good to me that's for damn sure. It's where I met the person that changed my life. It's where I fell in love and where we made our baby. But it don't really feel like my home.

I just thought it'd mean more if maybe you an me, well we bought us a place together. One where I put money down and I pay it off for us. Even if it takes me a few years. You could buy whatever you wanna put in it, you know, furniture and such. But I want the house...I want it to be _our_ home. Our forever home."

And she could see his nervousness and she could see how much it meant to him. And she understood why it was important to him. No one knew him and understood him better than her.

"I think you're right. Should I call the realtor Maggie and Glenn used and see if she can show us a few houses? Would that be a good idea?"

And the Saturday before the wedding they looked at lots of homes. But one home they both knew right away, it was meant to be their home.

The neighborhood was quiet, with well-maintained older homes. The house itself was old, probably built in the late 1930's, but it had been well cared for.

Three steps led up to a front porch that spanned the width of the home. It had the original hardwood floors, windows and trim. A big front room with a brick fireplace, and a huge eat-in kitchen. There was a room that seemed to have been a den or gathering room at one time, three bedrooms and two baths.

The yard was big and nicely fenced in, but quite overgrown. But in that overgrowth there were stately trees and a great big screened porch. It just needed a serious dose of yard work, lots of TLC.

This house would make a perfect family home for them.

"I can paint the rooms any color you like Beth. You just tell me what you want. And I can get that yard in shape in no time. If it's what you want, I'm ready to put my money down and sign my name."

"Yes, it's what I want too. Oh my that big kitchen! I can't wait to cook family meals in there." Her smile was big and bright and it made him so happy. "It's perfect. It has Daryl and Beth written all over it."

And it was true for her, she wasn't just trying to make him happy. She loved everything about that old house. She couldn't wait until they made it their home.

They planned to stay in the duplex until Daryl had the painting done and furniture was chosen and in place. They had plenty of time.

And even though he told them they didn't have to help, Merle and Tom pitched in with both the painting and the yard.

Tom had jokingly told him, "Geez man, I'm one of those old retired guys now. If I don't move around, do something, shit my joints will get rusted."

He told her it was all her decision as far as the furniture and whatever else she wanted. "As long as you're sittin' next to me, or lying up close to me, I'ma be happy." And he smiled that crooked little grin at her and she smiled right back.

"That sounds real good to me Daryl, real good. Never-the-less, you're coming with. I want your two cents. Remember what you said, it's _our_ home." Damn he loved her.

They agreed they'd go shopping together when they got back from their honeymoon trip.

** Daryl **

I wasn't gonna force the issue if she really wanted to stay in the duplex. I mean hell that wouldn't be right of me. But I don't know, it seemed important to me that our home be sumthin' we picked out together. Sumthin' for us and the place we wanted to raise our kids.

And shit, she knows how I am. I don't care how much money she has, it's still important to me that I help pay for what we have. I make enough money to buy us a house. A course it helps Beth don't have expensive taste, otherwise I'd be screwed.

But I know she loves that old house as much as I do. It's just right for us and the perfect place to raise kids. I'm lookin' forward to spendin' the rest a my life there with Beth.

Can't imagine I'd ever have taken a step like this with anyone else. Ain't no one else.

I can't wait 'til we make it official, can't wait for her to be Beth Dixon.

xxxx

He'd worried about the nightmares a lot, especially now with the baby coming. He hadn't had one in a long time, it was just that he knew they could come again any time they damn well pleased.

Tom and Rob had both tried to reassure him. They were honest, yep they'd told him, it could happen. But they also told him as long as Beth knew what to do, and they were both accepting of the possibility, they'd get through it.

They'd talked about it and she'd told him again, she promised. She'd put her own and the baby's safety first.

The night before the big day Daryl did have a nightmare.

When he'd first started yelling she'd jumped right out of bed, rushed to the bathroom and locked herself in. It didn't sound particularly bad from in there, and it hardly lasted any time at all.

He came knocking on the door a few moments after it started, "Shit that was like the worst nightmare ever."

She came out with a look of concern on her face and wrapped her arms tightly around him. He wrapped his around her and sort of laughed, but it didn't really sound happy.

"It didn't have nuthin' to do with the war or the accident. It had to do with me not bein' able to get to the weddin'. I was stuck in some kinda train car or semi-trailer, somewhere I ain't familiar with. What's really weird is Glenn and Maggie were there, and Glenn's friend Rick and his boy. Someone had taken all our stuff, my crossbow, Rick's gun.

First I couldn't get out, then somehow I did, but I just couldn't get to you. Kept tryin' to find you, but I didn't know where you was. Shit kept happenin', like I don't know how to explain, just things preventin' me from gettin' to where I thought you were. And for some reason Carol was there. And it was like everythin' was in slow motion. My feet were in quicksand. I didn't even have a phone to call you. It was fuckin' awful."

And she held him even tighter. "Oh my God Daryl I had a bad one like that the other night. I was stuck in some kind of weird hospital. I wanted to leave, to look for you, but they wouldn't let me out, wouldn't let me go to you. I was trying to escape, but they caught me."

"Okay, I'm glad ya told me, cuz now that I know we're both crazy I don't feel like I'm ruining your life marryin' ya." And they held on a while longer.

** Beth **

When Daryl first mentioned the subject of the house and where we'd live, I didn't really think it was a big deal. Then I saw it was.

I know him and good, bad or indifferent Daryl's got pride.

But it's not just that. For Daryl it's important that we be in everything together. He wants to feel like we take care of each other. He believes it's what makes Daryl and Beth who we are. It's what makes us strong. And I love that about him.

The truth is I don't care where we live just as long as I'm with him.

But the house really is perfect. I love everything about it. I knew the minute we pulled up it was meant to be. And Daryl's right. It's going to be "our" house, our forever home.

For a long time I thought my life could never be happy. That there had been too much pain. That I'd continue to be alive, but I really wouldn't have much of a life, I'd just be going through the motions. Then Daryl came into my life and everything changed.

Watching him struggle I learned so much about myself, and at the same time I was learning about him.

I can't imagine having a life without him. He's everything to me.

I can't wait to be Daryl's wife. I can't wait to raise our kids together, to grow old together. To face any challenges that come our way together.

Daryl's right, that's what keeps us strong.

xxxx

Merle had come to their house and picked up the arch he and Daryl had built for Maggie and Glenn. Other than that, all Beth chimed in on were colors she liked. Carol and Maggie were taking care of everything else, and they wanted to surprise her.

She bought a new dress she'd hidden from him. He'd joked he thought he might take one of his sleeveless shirts to the cleaners and get it ironed. But she knew he'd gone out and bought something new, she just didn't know what.

They planned on the ceremony part for 11:30, and then lunch.

After the wedding and lunch, Daryl wanted to take her for a drive south down the Georgia coast to the barrier islands. He knew she had a fascination with turtles and he was hoping she'd get to see some loggerhead turtles off of St. Simons Island.

She was looking forward to their honeymoon trip. She didn't really care where they went, or if they didn't go anywhere at all. She just wanted those few days alone with him. Then they'd come back to real life. She was excited for all that entailed as well.

What she knew at the depths of her heart was she and Daryl were both people who desperately wanted, needed and would work hard for family.

xxxx

The wedding was everything Beth had hoped it would be.

Carol and Maggie, and no doubt Merle, had done a beautiful job decorating. The arch was covered in pastel flowers, and three large floral arrangements were placed along the center of the table.

Beth couldn't have been more surprised to see her Mother's white tablecloth, China and Silver on the table. She couldn't even remember Maggie packing it away. Well she hadn't been aware of much that first year after the accident.

That little touch somehow made her feel like Mama and Daddy were close by.

It all looked so beautiful, and somehow both casual and elegant at the same time.

Merle had put some speakers out on the porch and there was soft background music playing.

Daryl was dressed in black jeans, a black shirt, black tie and black boots. It suited him perfectly. She knew she was marrying the most handsome man in the world.

Maggie had done her hair up on top of her head, and there was a braid that almost looked like a little crown. Her dress was pastel shades and knee length, sleeveless with a modest neckline. He just knew he was marrying the prettiest girl in the world.

Glenn, James and Sophia walked her to her groom. Glenn was supposed to escort her, but the children insisted each would hold one of her hands and walk with her. Glenn just shrugged, smiled good-naturedly, and walked behind the three.

Merle was his best man and Maggie her matron of honor. Because the group was so small, Beth had asked Carol, Tom and Tom's wife, Catherine, to stand up with them too.

The ceremony was short and sweet, and they were surrounded by the people they loved and who loved them. Just what they'd wanted.

Carol and Maggie had made a real southern brunch and she smiled at how happy it made Daryl. There was fried chicken, cheesy grits, succotash, hush puppies, potato salad, and Jell-O. But she knew her sister had been thinking about her too when she saw the big bowl of fresh strawberries.

The cake was beautiful. A simple round cake with white icing, but decorated with real flowers. Beth hated to cut it.

* * *

On their way down the coast he told her, "I owe you my life Beth. I don't think I coulda ever come up outta that funk if you hadn't shown me the way. You was patient with me, but you was tough too. You weren't puttin' up with none a my bullshit and I needed that.

You're a strong woman and you make me a better man."

"I think it's you that has helped me grow and be stronger Daryl. I'm just so grateful we found each other and that we're going to take this journey together. I wouldn't want to walk through life with anyone but you."

He reached across the seat and squeezed her hand. "I love you Baby."

"I love you too Mister Dixon."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for reading this story. I know a lot of it hasn't been fun or easy. I hope I've done some justice to those who suffer, and to those who love someone who does. You guys are terrific.

** Six Months Later **

He felt like he was doing really well. He was finally coming full circle, coming to grips with things, with his life. With his strengths and with what he knew were always going to be his weaknesses.

Although his right arm worked well enough, it wasn't quite right, wasn't ever going to be. But no one would ever guess it wasn't 100%. And the hand wasn't quite right. Those fingers had a problem with the real small stuff. Again, the average person meeting him would never suspect, but he knew, and she knew and Merle knew.

And he also knew that even with his disability, he still carried his weight at the shop. He wasn't getting a free ride just because he was the owner's brother.

He could still handle plenty of the trickier repairs and modifications most of the other mechanics couldn't.

He'd done a lot of work to build strength in his other hand, his left hand. His PT had really helped with that, and he was getting comfortable with using it. But it was going to take time.

And then there was that damn wounded psyche of his.

He'd had three real bad nightmares since they'd gotten married.

Beth had done the right thing, locked herself away from him. And they hadn't been real violent.

The only one he'd really hurt was himself, because he'd had so much guilt. How could he make her live like this? Hiding behind locked doors. Why would she stay? She deserved better.

But she'd made him talk about it with her. And she reminded him that she'd always known what could happen. She'd accepted it. They were in this together.

And she reassured him, yet again, his nightmares had nothing to do with whether or not she loved him. He was her husband, she told him she was in this for life.

And Tom and Rob had talked to him, listened to him, he'd listened to them.

Tom's wife Catherine and Beth had been having lunch together every week or two. Catherine had discussed the challenges she and Tom had faced over the years they'd been married. It had meant so much to Beth to hear from another wife what it was like to live with a spouse suffering from PTSD.

And the two couples had gotten together a few times and talked about the fears, and the doubts, and the trauma and the problems.

Sometimes it was just good to know you weren't fighting the battle alone, or fighting a battle that no one had ever been able to fight and win.

Beth and Daryl both came away feeling better, stronger and even more grateful.

And they had developed a special relationship with this older couple. A closeness based on a common denominator. It grew, and it developed. It was solid, it was supportive and it was so helpful. And it was loving.

xxxx

She was so proud of her husband. Not only had he done a great job with the painting, he'd even done some refinishing work on a couple of the wood window frames, some of the moldings and the floor in their bedroom.

Everything looked wonderful. As far as she was concerned, it was perfect.

And the backyard was gorgeous. He'd put in a play area for kids, a garden for fruit and vegetables, a flower garden, and a conversation area with a firepit.

He had so much pride of ownership and it showed in everything he did around the house. It may be old, but it was gorgeous and they both loved it. It was their home.

She'd made him go shopping with her for furniture, he'd resisted, saying he didn't know anything about furniture.

But she wasn't letting him out of it, and it turned out he had plenty of opinions, and they'd mostly agreed, and when they hadn't they'd made every effort to compromise.

One thing they had no problem agreeing on was the baby furniture. They were in love with everything made for babies.

She told him she'd always wanted to be a Mom. She'd lost hope before she met him, she didn't think it would ever be a reality for her. And now, with him, being a Mom was right there on her horizon, and she was thrilled.

He'd told her how he had always wished someday he could have children. But he never thought he would.

After having lived those first years of his life with the man who'd fathered him, the abusive psychopath that had left both physical and emotional scars, he'd been afraid. He sure as hell didn't want to follow in the old man's footsteps.

But then he'd had the opportunity to see how he could be with kids, being around the Chaos had let him know that he could be kind and loving and patient with children.

But with all the trouble he'd had letting anyone get close, well he'd always been certain he would never have the opportunity to be a Dad.

Then he'd met her.

And again, together. Together they were going to make this happen, and they could hardly wait.

xxxx

She was lying on the bed and they were each holding a hand to her stomach, so excited to feel the movement of their baby. The baby was getting stronger every day. Sometimes a good hard kick would wake her up in the middle of the night. She didn't mind a bit, her little boy was strong.

And Daryl had even managed to make a joke about their situation, "Poor Beth, all the men in your life wake you up in the middle of the night."

He'd talked to her about what he wanted to name the little boy and when she'd seen the look in his eyes, she'd readily agreed.

When he'd talked about it, it was moving and it was emotional.

She encouraged him to take the next step. But he just didn't know if he should. And he didn't want to feel like he might be opening up any old wounds. But she'd told him if it was her, she would want to know.

Tom had assured him, the wounds would never heal anyway, and this was far more likely to bring comfort than pain, to all concerned.

For himself he'd decided to wait, see how he felt about it when he held his son. And that was something he just couldn't wait to do.

In the meantime he'd taken that photo he had, it was the only one he knew of that existed. Anyway, he'd taken it over to Glenn and Maggie's, Glenn was a computer geek, he knew he could do it.

Daryl had never asked him for anything, and Glenn felt almost like he was being honored to be asked to do this small favor.

Glenn had scanned the photo and done a little Photoshop work on it. Oh he hadn't changed much except to improve the clarity of it, and improve the color resolution. And he'd printed out two 8x10 prints of it, and two smaller ones, the old wallet size ones.

One of the 8 x 10's would hang in his son's room, one he just wasn't sure about.

And he slipped the wallet sized one right in there, next to his driver's license.

"I'm glad I could help you out Daryl. And I have it saved in my cloud so we're not going to lose it. If we need more copies, no problem."

Daryl had nodded, shook Glenn's hand and told him, "Thanks a lot man, really, it means the world to me. Appreciate it."

xxxx

They were getting close now. The best that they could estimate, two weeks away.

He'd done the classes with her, determined to be in the delivery room when their son was born. Merle had enjoyed teasing him about it. Telling him he hoped he didn't faint.

But the brothers knew, with the things Daryl had witnessed, this wouldn't get to him, not in a bad way at least. Oh it was going to be hard to watch Beth in pain. But they'd talked about it and she'd told him she didn't mind going through it for the reward it would bring. Their little boy was going to make all that pain worth it.

He was at work when a beep signaled a cell photo message, it was from her. "It's time Daddy."

He'd told Merle and they'd shaken hands and Daryl was headed home.

The first thing they did was hold each other, "I love ya Baby, so damn much sometimes I swear to God it hurts."

"I love you too Daryl. I would never have believed I could love someone so much."

She'd called Maggie, and she'd called the Doctor. The doctor had called the hospital, and they were on their way.

It turned out to be a long labor, 12 hours, and it was tough to say who it was harder on. Physically, no question, her. Emotionally, Daryl figured hands down, him.

She'd been right though, when the nurse put his son in his arms it was an incredible feeling. His boy. His boy with Beth. The only woman he had ever or would ever love. He could feel the tears in his eyes, and hers were falling freely.

He held her as best he could with her lying in that bed. And again he told her how much he loved her, how much he loved their son.

"Are you still sure you're good with the name Beth? It ain't my right to just name him. I want you to want it to."

"I do Daryl, it's perfect and its right and he'll have a proud legacy."

And Daryl looked at the little boy and this time a couple of tears did roll down his cheeks and he said, "Welcome to the world Thomas Wayne Dixon. Tommy Wayne."

And Daryl knew then he was going to do it. Yes, as soon as he got home he was going to take care of it.

Maggie and Glenn, Merle and Carol, Tom and Catherine, they'd all stopped by the hospital for their chance to hold the baby, even though Beth and the baby would be going home in just a few hours.

Merle told Daryl to take two weeks off work and help Beth take care of that new Baby Boy. "Ya just do whatever Sis tells ya to do. That's yer job now." And Merle had put a strong hand on his shoulder and smiled that big smile of his, "I'm real damn happy for ya son. Only thing ever made me happier was when you was born and when my own children came to me." And he'd patted him on the back and Daryl just nodded.

Merle was a lot of things, but the most important thing that Merle was was a man who knew what mattered most in his life. Family.

* * *

** Merle **

We been blessed. The little fella is strong an healthy an he seems like a sweet little guy. At least he ain't squawkin' yet. I'm sure he'll have his moments, its part a the deal.

James was a squawkin' little fella, but I didn't much mind. He's my boy, I expected him ta be full a piss n vinegar just like his Daddy.

Daryl come ta talk ta me when they found out they was havin' a boy. He asked me would I be offended if he was ta name the boy Tommy Wayne, 'stead a namin' him after me.

I couldn't believe my Little Brother was worried about my feelins in all this. But it's like I always say, he's a different breed a cat. Not like any other Dixon ever walked the earth. He's a tenderhearted man.

I told him if I'd a felt the need ta burden a child with a name like Merle, I'd a done it ta my own boy.

'Sides, I think it's a wonderful tribute to this man who fought shoulder to shoulder with Little Brother. Was a good friend ta the boy.

It's real special. I sure ain't got a problem with it. I told him that.

** Beth **

I can't believe how happy I am, how filled with love I am. I have the most wonderful husband, and now we have a perfect little boy.

I can't believe how my life has changed and this blessing that I've been given.

When Daryl first mentioned naming our son Tommy Wayne, I'd agreed because I knew how much it meant to him. It made me emotional. But it certainly wasn't a name I would have picked. I just figured I'd get used to it and it would be okay.

But then I saw Daryl holding our baby, and he had those tears rolling down his cheeks and he said, "I love you Tommy Wayne." And then I knew, it was perfect. It fit. And I'm so happy I agreed.

And now Daryl tells me he's going to do it. I know he's struggled with it, but I think it's right. I think it will be hard, and then I think it's going to be freeing in some way.

I don't think he'll ever regret it.

Oh I'm just so in love with both my boys. There's no happier woman in the world than Beth Dixon.

** Daryl **

I been torn, didn't know if it was gonna be the right thing. Thought it might cause them problems.

But when I held my boy, an I looked at his little face, and his perfect little hands an feet. I knew it was the right thing.

They deserved to know the things I had to tell them.

I can't even fucking imagine how awful it would be to lose your child.

But damn, it was so hard. It kicked my ass. Took me two days to finish the letter to his folks. I never had contacted them after Tommy Wayne died. I was too much of a fuckin' mess myself.

When I started to come back a little, I knew I was still all screwed up. Hell, it was worse than the Deep Blue Funk that followed it.

By the time I finally felt like I might really survive, actually have a life, it had just been so long.

But I had to do it, I knew that. I kept thinkin' if I woulda died and Tommy Wayne woulda lived, he'd a got in touch with Merle.

He knew Merle was all I had for family. I knew he was an only child.

I hadn't done right by him, well I couldn't for a long time. I needed to explain that to them too.

And I needed to tell them how proud they should feel about what a good man their son was, a brave man to the end, and the only friend I'd ever had. I told them that I loved him like a brother. What an important part of my life he was and I would never forget him.

And I told them how much he loved them.

There was no one else to tell them. I had to do it, and I wanted to do it.

I told them a little about the trouble I'd had getting back to living life. But the good that had happened, meeting Beth, the special programs, the people that had helped me find my way.

I told how we named little Tommy Wayne after their son.

I got a small box, I put the 8 x 10 picture and the wallet size of me an Tommy Wayne, taken when we was over in the Sandbox, standing in front of a tank. But we looked happy, almost like we was having fun. And a picture of me and Beth at the wedding, and two pictures of our son, along with the letter in the small box.

And I sent it to them. And I can only hope that they're happy to get it, that maybe it helps.

I'm living a life I never thought I'd get to live. I got a wonderful wife I love so much, and a new baby boy, a job I love, a house I'm buyin' myself that I'm proud of. I got nuthin' to complain about and everything to be grateful for, and I am grateful.

xxxx

They were sitting on the couch cuddled up with the baby between them, enjoying just looking at their son, watching him sleep.

"The day I come to rent the apartment, an I wouldn't even look up, couldn't make myself talk. When I was scared to death just by the idea of havin' my own place. Could you have imagined then this would be how we'd wind up?" He smiled at her.

"No, and it wasn't just your Deep Blue Funk Daryl, it was my powder blue funk too. But I did know I thought you were a handsome hunk of man." She loved how he'd still blush when she said things like that to him.

"Well even though I didn't let you catch me lookin', I thought you were a beauty."

Then the doorbell rang. It was the UPS man with a package addressed to him. He saw the return address and he was both excited and a little nervous.

He set the box on the table and opened it with his pocket knife.

On the top was an envelope with his name written in small, neat handwriting. He sat back down, opened it and read it aloud.

He hadn't gotten through the first two paragraphs and he and Beth both had tears.

They thanked him for sending the letter, for telling them about the things their son had done. They told him how sorry they were for the troubles he'd had, and how proud he should be that he'd fought his way back.

They told him Tommy Wayne had told them about him, about how he finally felt like he had a real friend in life.

They told him how beautiful his wife and his son were, and how much it meant to them that he and his lovely wife would name their son after their son.

They said they hoped he would stay in touch and continue to send them pictures of his son. How they hoped someday he and his family would see their way clear to come for a visit.

And they told him about the things they'd put in the box. A baby quilt and a little pair of pajamas she'd made for her son, with his name embroidered on each. His army hat and his medals to save for their Tommy Wayne.

And there was a framed photo he'd never seen. It was him and Tommy Wayne in their full dress uniforms smiling proudly at whoever had taken the picture. There was a brass plate at the bottom of the photo frame that said, "Rangers Lead The Way."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading along. I love ya large! xo gneebee

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and please comment. Love you large! xogneebee


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